1949-04-01; Central Michigan Life
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:lal I It Ain't True ^ Cause . . . entra lcniaan . , . This Is April FooFs Day Did You Get Yours Today? VOLUME 30 MT. PLEASANT, MICHIGAN, APRIL FOOL'S DAY, 1949 NUMBER 21; Foust Uses Cup Pistol in Fracas Dr. Judson Foust has been convicted of using a weapon with intent to kill in a shooting fracas involving three persons. Foust, the student's friend, was about to dispatch Dr. D. Louise Sharp and Dr. David M. Trout with one, cap in the foyer of Warriner hall when he was apprehended by bystanders. The fracas resulted when Foust accused Sharp and Trout of hogging all the front page of SHAFT. * * * "EVERYBODY ELSE on the faculty gripes to heaven because they never get their news on the front page," screamed Foust, "I hand in the most important stuff and it always is cut in half and stuck on page six." "What about my stuff?" reported Sharp, "I only get one story on the front page each week." Here Trout broke in and complained bitterly that his material always is placed on the fourth page. "And they never get it straight, either," he moaned. * * * AT THIS PO!"NT Foust drew a cap pistol and forced Trout and Sharp into a corner of the foyer. Quick thinking on the part of several alert students prevented the massacre. In' seeking to find the reason behind the outburst, the local police interogated Hal Riehle, SHAFT editor-in-chief. . "I have only one thing/to say," declared Riehle. "The front page is only relative. It all depends- upon how you fold the paper." HaHaHaHaHaHa MARY WEIBEL SLUGS WILLS—HARD! Mary J. Weibel, in a fit of pique, called Dr. Mary Wills, Delta Omicron advisor, a "stupid old fussbud- get" last Tuesday at the DO public listening hour. Miss Weibel, fuming and' raging, slandered "Doc Wills when Mrs. Willss broke in on Miss Wei- bel's narration on "Light and Heavy Opera and Why." Angry words between the two led to a general melee and fistfight. It is expected that capacity crowds will attend the DO music hours in the near future if such a program can be expected* Pfister Pfilches Pfunds Pfrom Pfickie Pfaculty Pemil Pr. Pffster, pdirector pof Pdebate pat pcentral pmichigan pcollege, pstated ptoday pthat phe pwas pinnocetit pof pthe pcharge pthat pwas pdropped pupon phim pby pthe pfact&ty psehate. Pthe psenaW pstated pthat Pmr. Hister phad pteen pfilching pfunds pfrOnf pthe jffickle pfaculty pof pcentral pthrc|igh pthe pstudents pof phis pdebate porganization. "Cuddles" Trout laughs off his recent encounter with "Student's Friend" Foust. Foust was foiled in attempting to dispatch Trout in a fracas in the foyer. "Foust has been reading too many comics lately," was his only comment. The best thing to do with a fellow who thinks of nothing but to neck is—to neck! At least, that's what Bill Unjiun says. Sharp Turns Red AH Over D. Louise Sharp, prominent Communist leader and known among the local proletarian classes as the "Red Dean of Central," and author of '"Communism for Communistic Communists" and /'Communism on Credit—Easy Terms" has taken a soap-box stand prepared to refute the charges of the Student Senate. In an official statement to the Shaft, President of the Student Body Warren P. Cleary accused the Red Dean for inciting subversive elements on Central's campus. .. "It is well known that the accused stands in the path of a solid student democracy,", stated. "Cleary,, "We must do all in our power to halt the evil forces that desire to suppress the feeble cry of the peasant." .. . ■ * * * CLEARY WENT on to say that it is well known that the Dean has insisted on enforcing the "After Hours" rule for women students, as well as insisting that she have her own way while teaching Personnel 102. The Senate Investigating committee stated that when they approached the Dean concerning the subject she became quite embarrassed. "She turned Red all over," they declared. Shaft Editors in Serious / ' * ., * Condition Alter Beatings Mob Learns of April 1 Edition; Attempts to Halt Publication; "We Must Get the SHAFT Out" Declare Editors You Gotta Go! The Teacher's College debate tourney will be held in the Warriner Lady's powder room (first floor) this evening. • Representatives from Marquette, Kalamazoo and, Ypsilanti will attend. According to Pemil Pr. Pfister, pdirector of pdebate, no men will be allowed to enter the contest. "We originally scheduled three men to appear," stated the goodly soul, "hut owing to the fact that we must hold the debate in the woman's lounge we found it Vecessary to use only girls." It is hoped a previously schedule twilight dance will not interfere with the debate, because all women students are cordially invited to attend. Overflow will be accomodated in business 'office "C". GHASTLY MURDER IN RONAN See MURDER Page 6 Editor-in-Chief Hal Riehle and Associate Editor Joe Shea were attacked in the Shaft office this morning shortly before the issue went to press, by 16 members of Central's faculty and four students. The journalistic duo were rushed to the Mt. Pleasant hospital tat a most serious condition. They are still in a coma. The mob, headed by Richard J. (Just call me 'Giz') Litchenielfe, stormed en masse to the print shop where they fought for eopies of the Shaft as they came off. the press. The group, which gathered at the home of Honest Harry Gover late last night, had been informed, by spies that the April Fool edition would reveal all. * * » AFTER VERIFYING the coded message of the spies by reading the entire issue of the Shaft, the ensemble rushed to the Shaft office where they pounced upon the unfortunate twosome and committed: mayhem. : Shortly after police arrived, "Giz" Lichtenfelt was seen in a College automobile behind Warriner hall. According to spectators' See—ATTACK—Page 7 "New Invention Will Produce Light"-—Edison, The Industrial Arts club made their biweekly trip to the Fulton Township builders meeting last night. The club members took bottled refreshments with them and made their visit social as well as educational. Added similies: The gymnasium looks like a dirty duece in a new deck of cards. Editor's Note In order to save our mouldy hides from the wratfi of LIFE'S • readers, LIFE has officially been f changed to SHAFT for this gala occasion—April Fool's day. We entreat you, don't believe a word of what you read here. It's all in jest, and malicious harm (if present) is purely coincidental. We the staff, hereby declare that we assume no responsibility for anything that appears herein. —Editor n< Smoochie" to Replace Mrs. Mac As Ronan Hall House Mother Miss Trixie Cuddleform, former burlesque queen and movie starlet, has been hired to replace Mrs. Ella MacDuffee as housemother of Ronan Hall for men, announced Donald Kilbourn, director of housing. "We finally had to give in to the pleas of the Ronan men/' declared Kilbourn. "And I don't blame them in the least. Mrs. Mac just doesn't have what it takes to keep young men happy." Miss Cuddleform was selected from a group of 120 applicants. Photographs and vital statistics were submitted by the applicants and a committee of Ronan residents made the final decision. TRIXIE, who is affectionately called "Smoochie" by her friends, will take up residence at Ronan as soon as possible. It is expected that many new rules ahd regulations will result from this unprecedented departure from the conservative. jtyCKuieu aoove i» jirixie "t$m%w- chie" .Cuddleform who has recently been appointed to replace Mrs. Ella B^acDuf f ee as housemother of Ronan'hall. "Smoochie" is dressed in her typical afternoon attire. Have a Hot Nuit at'Eve in Paree' "Evening1 in Paris" win be "Ehe theme of the sohomore dance to be hel<f next Saturday in Keeler. "Looie Uchtenprofit. following ifi the footsteps of his great master Richard "l-love-food-so-'why- should - i-feed-it-to-the - students liicMemfelt , has condescended to grant the use of the baJlroom to the students for a nominal fee of $400. . The Alma Scots, a seven piece orchestra who will learn their eighth piece next week, will play for the semi-formal affair. If yon don't have tails, jast let the lining hang oat of your sposft 'coat. '. . ■ ( Tickets may be purchased fronfc any sophomore on campus as.well as from -""red Schmidt .fwjH* is counterfeiting ducats on the side in order to raise money for the Ronan Carpet fund. MteN, come and "toing- yoiir iM cookie ahd have a helluva hot miit at the 4*Eve__ngf in _»aris" dance.' Necking: A form of embrace in which the neck is unimportant. Mike Wassil claims that when.;he was in the Siberian salt mines She earned two Kulaks a day ©nd all the sait he could eat. f (* '. f , i'v I1*', I. ' I'I hi I Si*. ¥ i \ > "i» I" VI1 M X h f , i if r fr f ■«. •i, '»>( * '>** ,H' v\ a h V t ■ "'S hi '"# f ''i m 1\ iff k i p'li r fit A, m IK jl, ! \ify ■I \\'
|Title||1949-04-01; Central Michigan Life|
|Publisher||Students of Central Michigan University|
|Description||Issue of the student newspaper of Central Michigan University. Also known as CM-Life. Originally published biweekly. Later published three times a week during the academic year and once a week during the summer. Began publication in 1941. Previously known as Central State Life. Issues from 1999 to the present are available online at the CMLife website.|
|Subject/Keywords||Central Michigan University - Newspapers; Mount Pleasant (Mich.) - Newspapers; Isabella County (Mich.) - Newspapers; College student newspapers and periodicals;|
|Copyright Permission||Copyright 1949 by Central Michigan University. This material is copyrighted and any further reproduction or distribution is prohibited.|