1880-03-12; Clare County Press

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VO.LUME II.
glare, Michigan;! led ay*, -march 12, isso.
NUMBER 45.
TMM SLEEPING MEMTFK.
Ly.
:^
Far down in the valley
Shclies asleep:
iioundher the mountains
A dose -watch keep.
The March -winds -whistle
And roar and cry,
B6t never a whisper
Comes in reply.
In the silent forest
Alone she lies,
■Unmindful of storm-wind
Or chjudy skies. v
Bn** oirerthe mountaiiis,
Now crowned with snow,
A Prince is soon coming,
Whosekisswe snow
Will wafeeiith&'beaitty;
And hand-in-hand
they'll speed through the valley,
And all the land
With blossoms will greet them,
While south winds blow;
.For the -a sleeping-beauty."
Is '"April,." you knowl
fflW, BE 'W©$ HEM*. ,.
'BY O. S. CnARQTFE.
;You can never do it, Charley; it's
&;•'   - ■
"Iwilldoitjthough."  . •
K*W&liJ success to you I and if there
* is any w§y in which I • can.- assist you11
shall ba happy to be your'servant. But
.what is your plan of operation—can't
H?ou disclose 2" • •
Ties©, were the. concluding remarks,
Th© conversation had lasted ' nearly an.
hour* between .Charley tGiles and Hie
best ehum, Mark Tapley. The particular in which Charley was so confident
of success was. the act oi .marrying
Fanni© Beattie, the only daughter of
fEfquira Beattie, one of the great men of
Lonsdale. I say one of the great inenf
because th© Squire had a formidable
rival m greatness in the person of Eben-
©serDunn^'the village "merchant. Dunn
had be©n.» the .Postmaster' of'Lonsdale
for tHs ^previous seven years. He had'
. been elected to represent that quiet village in the.General Court of the State
&i ions- consecutive, -©lections; and the
wotthy Ltosdalians would.almost as
soon h§ve thought of seeing ^morning
"come without its accompanying light as
t<& see th© Board of Selectmen or the
BeliQoi Committee without Ebenezer;
IDunn. 'Iii vain had' Bichard Beattie,
Esft.s tcl&ed to Ma would-be e'onstitut
onts of.she" injustice of giving on©'man"
afi the ©flees, and advised' them to se-
Eeefe sopm on&jrko.^m able%» represent
v, _1   ^-L^c/s  il-Ltjy' fcUt^-iw-.   s-.^viiivJiM ^.n-'U -uiar
would not; take his hints? so Dunn was
re-electedj said thanked his customers
for their trade and their votes at the
same, time j and they, good, honest souls,
remained content so long as taxes were
not raised, there was no serious drought
and their crops sold welt" Dunn was a
model of a Postmaster. The few months
pfieceding each election he was very
polite and attentive"; professed ^tosell
molasses and musfins a trifle cheaper
than their market value; often referred
to the long time he had served his
townsmen and the pleasant associations
conne©ted with his experience as a public servant; hinted at a treat,.if elected,
and always provided.it. Thes© were the
reasons why Dunn always was elected
and Beattie never was.
Charley Giles was sharp-sighted—most
poor fellows in love with belles and heiresses are. He knew that Squire Beat-
tie aspired to office, but was very unfortunate in obtaining it. He also
knew just the reasons why. he never
was elected, and that was more than
the Squire knew himself. Of this
knowledge Charley meant to avail himself and elect the Squire to any ofiice
he should prefer, and thus gain his
consent to the-longed-for marriage with
his daughter. To this end he took
Mark Tapley into his confidence, and
the two consulted together and arranged their plans. They decided,
after ascertaining what position the
Squire would prefer, to make him a
favorite with the whole people; to allow Dunn to be nominated, as usual,
and to defame him at the very last
moment. Then he would have no
chance to defend himself; the people
would drop him and take up the most
popular man, which would be the
Squire. Their motto was: "All's fair
in love and polities."
The next morning Charley called
upon the Squire, by whom he was received very coolly, but that made no
difference to the young man! He
walked in "and took a seat without being asked, Md his hat upon the " table,,
and commenced to talk politics. Upon
this subject the Squire soon -warmed
up, as h© always did. At first the
political lover talked around his subject, sort of sounded his companion;
spoke of a young men's movement.;
of th© dissatisfaction felt with the
present incumbent; of th© chances to
elect him by a certain maneuver, and
of the parties ready to take hold of the
movement, until the old man was thoroughly interested in his favorite hobby;
then he unfolded so much of his plan
as suited his purpose. They talked
together hours. It was a long time before the Squire would ascede to all of
young man's propositions; but it was
finally .deeided that Beattie should"
furnish: Mark and ■ Charley $50, to expend as they saw fit during the campaign; that he should take a list of th©
wants, of all th© poor of the- town who
might call upon him, and send the applicant, with his or her list, to them;
that he was to remain away from all
caucuses and rallying meetings, and
thai in case h© was elected to such posi-
sifioas as he chose he was to consent
to th© marriage <*f Charley with his
daughtais, But if he was not eksted,
Dhashf wm to relin^slsh all eimsȤ to
Fannie's hand, and they were to refund
the ^50 which he had advanced.
The next move of the young men was
to pay $25 of their funds at the counter
of Ebenezer Dunn, for which he was to
deliver goods to whomever they ordered.
Then they visited Quibs, the crippled
basket-maker, Oraay Mag—whom everybody said was crossed in love in early life—and some dozen others of the
town's unfortunates, and told them all
when they wanted any of the little delicacies of life to call on Squire Beattie.
Then they induced the Squire to present a load, of wood to the debating
club, BO that they could have a fire in
the school-house Without appropriating
the wood belonging to the district. As
a* compensation the club chose the
Squire an honorary member of its great
body. This movement Beattie did not
think much of, but the young men did;
it caused people to talk of him and that
was all they wanted.
Applications were soon made for the
Squire's .charity, and he patiently heard
their tales of suffering, then sent them
tb Mark and Charley, who gave them
orders on the store, and told them to
call again. In a few weeks they made
their second investment of $2roat Dunn's
and continued to give orders to all
poor callers. Meanwhile Dunn was re?
nominated; Mark and Charley worked
as hard for him as .anyone. Election
was drawing near, and tiie young men
had considerably overdrawn their account, but still sent orders, which the
storekeeper dared- not but honor for
fear of losing votes. Beattie commenced
to feel a little uneasy, and expressed his
fear that things were not going all
right, to the young men; but they assured him that they were working admirably, but requested him td find fault
with every charity caller for comings©
often. So the Squire wentJiome and
grumbled to his poor visitors; it did no
harm, however, for the podr people are
accustomed to be grumbled at because
they are not rich. When they told
Mark and Charley what the Squire had
saidjthey were told not to,say anything
about it round the storey and so, Just
as the young men expected, half the
village knew all about itin a day or two.
"When it - reached Beattie's ears, he
rushed to Chart's office demanding an
explanation* but was again quieted, and
went home promising to^ growl .-stjE
lon&m''£&'$&& beggars'.      ****'" „-
; Mark and Charley had prepared a
goodly pil© of turkeys, to be presented
to poor applicants that day, and were in
earnest conversation with Richard
Beattie, Esq., who seemed not a little
irritated.
"It's all folly, boys—all folly. It
won't give mc a vote—not a single vote,"
he broke out finally.
"But, sir " interposed Charley.
"There's nobuts about it," interrupted the Squire. "I have been made a
fool of long enough, and I will not do
another thing."
"Well, sir, please remember that you
are to obey us or forfeit the $50 already
advanced to us," said Mark.
"Well,I'll try it; it can't kill me,"
said the Squire, after a moment's hesitation.
"That's right, sir. .Be all ready when
the mail comes in. We shall send
Crazy Mag if she comes; if not, the
best'one we can find."
The door had hardly closed upon
Squire Beattie before they were visited
by a poor woman, to whom they gave
an order,-with instructions to call again
after she had .been to the. store and got
her- goods. When the woman came
back Charley presented her with a turkey ; and, while he engaged her in conversation about her family, and asked
her what the Squire * said about her,
Mark was turning out a portion of the
contents of her oil-can and molasses
3ng.
"The gentleman finds a good deal of
fault," said the woman, "and tells me
how long a gallon of molasses will last
his family, and thinks mine ought to go
further. God knows that, if I was able,
I'd never trouble him again."
"Perhaps it isn't his fault," intimated
Charley. "Are you certain they give
you good measure at the store?"
"I don't know—I never measured the
goods, sir." rt
"Well, measure andweighlaverything
that you have got to-day, and, if they
do not hold out, let me know when you
come up again," said Charley, as his
visitor took her departure.
All the forenoon the young men
treated their visitors the same. Toward
noon,*Crazy Mag came in; she complained bitterly of the way the Squire
talked to her, and jumped at the pretended suspicions of Giles and Tapley
—promising, when she went home, to
measure everything she had bought,
and if there was not quart for quart, to
return inpnediately and let them know.
Word was sent to Beattie to be sure
and be on hand when the mail arrived,
for everything was all right; and they
continued to distribute their turkeys
and their advice to measure to all who
called upon them. About 5 o'clock,
and just before the mail-coach came
rattling up to the door of the Lonsdale
postoffice, Crazy Mag came bounding
into the office of Charley, with hardly
breath enough left in her body to
ejaculate: " Excuse me, Mr. Giles, will
ye? It wasn't the Squire at all; but
Mr. Dunn's been cheating me. He's
given me a pint and a half of il© for, a
quart, and only three pints of molasses when th© order was for two
quarts, sir."
" Well*, Mag, you'd heiies go ove^snd
tell Mr. Dunn all about it," advisedth^J
voungman. . .-\
" I will," said .Mag, as she started j
out.
* The coach had just driven up to th&!
door; the store was filled with the villagers" waiting for their papers and th©
news, and Mr. Dunn-was busy changing,,
the  mail.    When   Mag  entered* sh©;.
looked around her for a moment, and";!
then said, very calmly:   "Mr.Dunn, *!'
you're a, chegt 1?    -    .  ., J
"What do you mean, Mag?" asked j
Ebenezer. t'
" 1 mean that you are a cheat.  lEou' va 1
been cheating me for some time, but 11
did not find it out until to-day, when |'
I measured all the goods I bought oif-
you.
" She's
QEjeTOHABa* ABUSE,
?i -& It Is—A Matter of. Interest to' tThe
; BuMic.
$e have received from B. P. Mc-
Jncy, of Elgin, III., Secretary of the
uihwestern Dairymen's Association,
3opy of the report of the Committee
~i Oleomargarine, which was submitted
v ths association, at its last meeting.
-"'t»ple who have labored under theim-
j^ssion that oleomargarine is a harm-
J3 sort of food will find the following
\&acts from this report mighty inter-
Sing reading:
Oleomargarine, as now manufactured,
, hardly more than the product of
mm fats agitated with buttermilk or
rAlk and annatto to give it ,color and
Ivor,      Such   fats    wer©   formerly
wild again, poor thing I" re-!> J3& for  soap  grease, and  the  use
marked Dunn to a bystander. - j
" No, Fm not wild 'again," said Mag«
" I haven't seen anything wild to-day
but your measure of three pints for two
quarts.''
"* It "might  have been  a  mistake.
" But the quart of oil was only a pint
and a half."    , "
" Your measure must be very large,
"*No, they're not, sir; but yours must
be smaller than your soul!"
"Well, Mag,* you must keep still;i'm
busy now."
"No, I'll not keep still, sir."
"Then you must go out of the store."
"Ho, I'll not go out of the store, sir."
"Then I shall put you out."
"No, you will not put her out, Dunn;
.at least; not while I am here," said
Squire Beattie, who with the other bystanders had gathered around Mag. "Norman ean lay violent hands on a woman
where I am."
"Squire Beattie^ I don't want any
trouble with you, but perhaps it J#otdd
be as well if you would just mind your
own business," repeated Dunn. . .
"It's my business," said the Squire,
very coolly. "I want my money io obtain its equivalent just as mueh'when
it is spent for Mag as though it-was
spent for me."     '" ■       '-'"'■    >
"Your money I Mag 'never h&ds
cent's worth out of my stoi'e ok yom*
money."
"You are mistaken., Mr. Bu3B<, ~irv
Mag and*many- others can tsg'M,yfJ *.u-
marked th© Squires very coolly.
-. .,   .^.iSJiJiiA^yx^-r, i_.^vv» v^~- -J~.£» v- s ..vy-^' -,^
demanded th© storekeeper, in a rage. *
"No, sir. I only mean to say th&t I
furnished Charles Giles and Mark Tap-
ley with the money which they spent at
your store for the benefit of the poor
of the town. I had no reason to think
that any one would object to my keeping my charities to myself, and I am
sure that I thought that you were the
last person in the world who would be
guilty of cheating the recipients of this
charity." The Squire spoke these
words quite calmly, and loud enough
for every one in the store to hear.*
"Well, my old woman said that gallon of vinegar I got this morning
wouldn't hold out more'n three quarts
and a pint," said Quibs, the basket-
maker.
A man was about rolling down - hill,
and the cripple could hot resist the
temptation to give him a kick. Den'
wonder, reader; it's human* nature.
The store was.soon nearly deserted,
and its proprietor was grouty and glum.
Meanwhile, stories were rife all up and
down the village street that Squire
Beattie had. been supporting half of
the village poor any number of years,
and had kept them off of the town, and
that Ebenezer Dunn had been cheating
everybody in weight and measure the
same length of time, if not longer. "'
That evening there were a larger
number gathered around the village
bar-room fire than usual, and fewer
lounging about the store. This larger
crowd were, of course, talking about
Dunn; and it was strange how many
this same Dunn had cheated, and how
long everybody suspected him.
"We mustn't elect' him to the General Court to-morrow," said one of the
company.        ...
. "Who shall we elect?" inquired Mark
Tapley.
"Elect the Squire, to be sure," responded the landlord; "I shall vote for
him."
"So shall I—so shall Ij" chimed in a
dozen voices. And hours were spent
in magnifying and praising the Squire's
virtues and repeating the storekeeper's
faults.
The next morning Lonsdale was alive
with excitement. On every hand you
might have heard the. praises of Squire
Beattie and the slanders on poor Dunn.
That day the Squire might have had
every office, from hog-reeve of the village to President'of the United States,
if he had wanted them, and they had
been in the gift of his townsmen. As
it was, he was satisfied with being made
Chairman of the Board of Selectmen
and member of the General Court.
Time passed away. Squire Beattie
gave his^consent to the union of his
daughter with Oharley Giles. The excitement all died away, and with it the
talk of an opposition store. Dunn,
disgusted with politics, resigned the
postoffice, and Mark' Tapley was .appointed as his successor. Squire Beat-
tie now dispenses liberally and openly
to the poor. Last election he was
chosen to the "higher branch," and
Oharley Giles now represents Lonsdale
in th© House.
oi such fats in the production of oleo
, .^garine is carried onto such an ex-
1   \t as greatjy to enhance the market
•V lue of greas2.
"Sb oleomargarine as now manuf act-
i,-;e& in this country a- healthful article
c 1 food? Your committee would say
1 *at Prof. John Michels, a competent
„ '.eroscopist of New York, haa been
l Ejecting oleomargarine to a thorough
< amination by the microscope, and he
sfyls attention to the fact that germs of
oFjease, mosbid secretions, and-embryos
a, p&fcasites in the animals from which
tic. oil is obtained that is used * in mak-
iril oleomargarine, are liable to be
i. r.2sferi'ed'in a living condition into
i:.v ©stem of those who use this article
z ixtiod.
Jk the light of these statements, our
c jwer .is that oleomargarine as now
; -loaufactured in this country is not
1 sathful as an.article of food.
Js the sale of oleomargarine as an
'dele of food legitimate and right?
.^^what has already been  said your
•   Amittee would add the further testi-
"~ »ny of  J. H. !Eeall that "if people
' •ii^ bought it knew of what it was com-
z jed and the dirty places in which it is
. mufactteed, they would hot eat it.   It
saamifaotuifedin some places where
t ^ gantleman would  stay ten min-
^abeeatise of the smells that pervade
",;o atmosphere."   In any sueh tainted
iizds$k$ge: it would be impossible to
' T ti'2 femttor from the 'milk of a Jersey
~r *3o& would be considered fit to eat.
1 ,u jjaswar i§ that oleomargarine msh-
^ *Aated in stash 'places or from the
J^i^'JI^:^ nmm'rls. is unfit* for food,
:*;2^~.aS,^^s'ifc^<£<w^
m wrong, and should be suppressed by
regaled himself on choice viands and
wine, often spending four or five hours
at it. Nine of these burglaries were
committed in as many nights before he
was caught.
Chest Protectobs.—One of the best
chest protectors on a cold^ blustering
day, when one is riding, is a newspaper, folded so as to have three or four
thicknesses, and placed over the chest
and buttoned under the overcoat, cloak
or sacque.
Ai.mond Milk.—'-Almond milk has
been found quite useful in cases of. fever, and when very "light nourishing
drinks were wanted. Blanch • two
pounda of sweet almonds, and to this
add not more than two bitter almonds;
bruise quite smooth in a mortar, adding from time to time a litile orange-
fiower water; put the almond-paste in a
jug and pour on it a pint of cold water;
let it stand: in a'cool place eight hours;
then strain very carefully and sweeten
with lump sugar.
Bleeding feom Wounds.—Bleeding
from a wound on a man or beast may be
stopped by a mixture of common salt,
in equal parts, bound on with a white
cloth. If the bleeding be profuse, use
a large quantity, say from one to three
pints. It may be left for hours or
even days, if necessary. In this-manner was saved the life of a horse which
was bleeding from a wounded artery;
the bleeding ceased in five minutes after the application. It was left on
three days, when it worked loose, and
was easily removed from the wound,
which very soon Healed.
Treatment of Warts.—The common situation of warts is the hand;
sometimes thoy are produced on the
faee, and less frequently on other, parts
of the body. Their cause is unknown;
but from their frequent occurrence ia
school-boys dirt may be supposed to
have some share in occassioning them.
The treatment of warts is to pare the
hard and dry skins from-their tops, and
then touch them with the smallest drop
of strong acetic acid, taking care that
the acid does net run off the wart upon
the neighboring skin, for if it does it
will occasion inflammation and much
pain. If this practice be continued
once or twice daily, with regularity,
Your committee would recommend
the adoption of the following resolutions :
JResolved, That the use of* refuse and diseased fats in the manufacture of oleomargarine as an article of food is abhorrent to
the sense of every right-minded man, and, as
it is injurious to health, its sale should be prevented by law.
liesolved, Thafc it is. the duty of the General
Government, as also of our State Governments,
to -pass stringent laws against the use of diseased arid refuse fats in the manufacture of
any article to he used for human food, as also
to pass laws prohibiting the manufacture of
oleomargarine from fats other than caul fat or
suet of healthy animals.
Resolved, That it is the duty of the General
Government, as also of all our State Governments, to pass laws requiring the manufacture
and sale of oleomargarine to be carried on under the supervision *of the National, State and
Municipal Boards of Health, and make ifc the
duty of all such Boards of Health to prevent
the manufacture and sale of diseased and injurious food in the form of oleomargarine.
Resolved, That as butter is the oily substance of milk or cream, obtained by. churning, it is the duty of the General and
State Governments to pass laws prohibiting
the use of the word butter as applied to any
oily substance not the product of cream or
milk, and requiring all who manufacture and
all *who sell oleomargarine, whether *by the
package or otherwise, to mark on each and
every package, wrapper or parcel containing
the same, in plain, large and distinct letters, and
in a conspicuous place, the word oleomargarine.
Resolved, That a committee of three from
each Congressional district in the dairy portion of the Northwestern States be appointed
to present these resolutions to fche Senators and
Eepresentatives in Congress from said States.
Maxims of BothscliM the Banker.
Hold integrity sacred.
Endure trials patiently.
Observe good manners.
Be prompt in all things.
Make few acquaintances.
Pay your debts promptly.
Lie not for any consideration.
Yield not to discouragements.
Join hands only with the virtuous.
Watch carefully over your passions.
Respect the counsel of your parents.
Keep your mind from evil thoughts.
Go not into the society of the vicious.
Consider well, then decide positively,
Dare to do right.   Fear to do wrong.
Fight life's battles bravely, manfully.
Never try to appear what you are not.
Question not the veracity of a friend.
Sacrifice money rather than principle.
Use your leisure time for improvement.
Attend carefully to details of your
business.
Injure not another's reputation in
business.
Extend to every man a kindly salutation.
Touch not, taste not, intoxicating
drinks.
Venture not^upon the threshold of
wrong.
Zealously labor for the right, and
success is certain.
AKGEE.§ PEJEPINGf ©OWlf,
This has "been a discouraging TOnter
for ipanufactureas oC lung-pads and
othez alleged cures fm eold.    »   '
George Myers, was an athlete and a
remarkably-hearty eater. He was sent
tp prison in Philadelphia f os two years,
and the fare there was too scant and
plain to please him. On getting out* he
determined to gratify his appetite for
a while at aay risk. Evety night he
broke into some pretentious house, and
may be soon effectually cured.—Erasmus Wilson's Treatise on Healthy
Skin.
Cure for Diphtheria.—When a
member of the family is attacked with
this fearful disease, the best medical
aid should at once be called. The danger is top great to allow this advice to
pass unheeded. Indeed, even in apparently light cases, that appear to be progressing to a speedy and favorable
termination, the patient often suddenly
dies, and what are called the sequelse of
the disease—its later effects on the
organs and tissues of the body—frequently result in death, or protracted
disorder and suffering. It will therefore be seen that intelligent professional treatment is necessary to prevent, if
possible, such serious results. But in
some cases a physician may be so - far
away as to render his assistance practically impossible. For such we say
there are three principal remedies./The
first is the saturated solution of 'Chlorate Of potash, given in teaspoonful
doses every hour. The French phys*<
icians rely largely on this. The second
is chlorine-water, diluted with from two
to four times as much water. A prominent physician of Springfield, Mass.,
has for the last sixteen years found.it
almost, uniformly effective. Prior to
its use he lost half his cases. The third
remedy is snlphur. Dr. Field, of England, has obtained remarkable cures
with it. His prescription is, we believe,
to mix a teaspoonful of the flour of
sulphur in a wine-glass of water, and
give it as a gargle. If the patient is
unable to gargle, blow some of the dry
flour through a quill upon the diseased
parts of the mouth and throat; or burn
some of the sulphur on a live coal, and
let the patient inhale its fumes; cr,
filling the room with the fumes, let him
walk about and inhale them. The
patient should always be kept warm, the
bowels open, and the system well nourished with easily digested food.
Shaving in China0
Everything is reversed in Chimi, you
know-men never go to a barber shop
to get shaved, the barber carries his kit
around hunting his customers. No sitting in crowded shops waiting for your
turn to come; the barber has to chase
you about and shave you at your own
convenience. The word "next"5 is unknown to the vocabulary ofthe Chinese
barber. You are'spared the annoyance
if not torture of being compelled to sit
by while five or six men ahead o£ you
have their beard removed, hair cut,
whiskers- dyed, and heads shampooed,
when you only want your hair oiled
and mustache waxed to go to the theater.
Sit down on a doorstep or curbstone
anywhere, and a barber Bteps up and
attends to your wants immediately.
Happy dispatch.
Miss M. Louise McLottghlin, of
Cincinnati," has succeeded-in completing
the largest vase ever molded in this
country. It is called the Ali Baba vase,
and measures thirty-seven inches in
height and seventeen inches in diameter.
"O, mamma, I've been watching the stars,.
And I'm almost snre 1 saw
A beautiful angel peeping* down-
I-wonder if 'twas grandpa.
" Vou know he nsed to gaze at ti. 8 sfcjrs
When all but he was retired;
I think now that he wanted to gi
He looked so gentle and tired.
" Loot, mamma, look a,t yon brighter s!&r,-
Spread out like a go] den etown,
And tell me truly if you can see .
A bright angel peeping down.
"For if all thoseglfeaming, glistening stass
Axe windows in God's bright world,
Grandpa will choose the brightest of them,
To look for his little girl.
" I'd like to live up above the stars "
If it wasn't for you and papa-r
Perhaps he's wishing that I wonld come
To tell him about grandma.
"-'But I'll have to wait, and watch the stars,
»   And the angels peeping down;
Some day they'll come and bear me away—
3 * Another gem for His crown.
" Mamma, don't weep if above the stare
GodeallB.meto live with Him,
I'U fly right up to the brightest one,
Ahd grandpa will let me in."
Extie M. Hokepk.
Eandon, 111.
MW. AHQ> TPOIlTo
The glory of woman is her;heir.
. Piano pounders wear bangs on thei?
fingers. '*.
An eagle on at $10 gold piece .m, worth
500 in the air. s. '. v
" Bee-ware!" he cried, pointing to %
pot of honey.
The newest in hosiery are plaids and
Eoman stripes. :,
Samson can be recognized in the oratorio by his long'airs.
MANvacalf will.be eowhidedif h©
lives long enough.
Persons with a strong "turnM fox-
music—Organ-grinders.
Coming as it does originally from the
winding still worm, aU whisky is more
or less crooked.
• *
A broker replied, on being asked
what he cleared on a certain speculation, "Nothing but my pockets" —
• "The men of to-day are too highs
strung,*" says a Chicago paper. Some
of them are. not strung high enough,
Shbwes my itf^J whilel wooed;
KlyitjoJwhtoXwon; .   .
SJy ideal when, ia after years
' * Ways sfe?J£B&a had none.       . * .
!1Jbs question tim% agitates'th© youag
iesnale mind is, u Cfoa fts® ©leokie IgkS
t@ #!*?sH)l fi.oxm'^ tlio idatocSTz^tk c;;
■*«* ^i^H^J-^^^ **   ■ ' ^ "*  .     \) 'A
" Sboterer"—The best remedy for*
cold feet is to put them in the small of
your wife's back upon retiring. By
hobbling her, all danger from kicking
will be avoided.
A gay rooster cam© tripping light
fantastic toes up to the occupant of &
quiet nest and said: " Will you dance,
Biddy ?" " Excuse me," said th© hen*
"I am engaged for this set."
While a collection *^as being takes-
hi a church at Heath, Mass., the pastor-
remarked that -he would rather have
buttons dropped into the box than lead
coin, because good buttons had some
value.
The youthful wife of the aged Minister-
Christiancy has settled down with evident intention to stay at her mother's-
home in Maryland. She did not like
Peru, and so left the old gentleman
alone.
A city broker, visiting a country lady
and wishing to increase her knowledge
of affairs, asked her if she knew what
"watering stock" meant, to which she
replied, "Of course I do; it is giving
the cows drink."
There are many hard tajsks set for-
women in this world, but "few which
they find it impossible to perform. Still*.
there was never a woman who could.
keep a fur-lined circular from flying;
open and showing the fur.
" What's in a name ?" Ah, Williams.
you didn't know everythings that's certain. Salt can be bought for a lew
cents a quart, but call it chloride of
sodium, and the apothecary will mulct
you to the tune of half a dollar for one
scruple.
An exchange says: "A cow needs as
much currying as a horse, and the result will be found in the milk-pail." Of
course it will, if a m$n is fool enough,
to set the roilk-pail under the cow while-
he is currying her. The best way is to
turn the pail bottom up or leave it at.
the house till you are done currying.
A Quincy small boy was looking at.
somie scriptural engravings, and gazeci
long and earnestly upon a representation of Adaui and Eve in their primitive^
dress. Turning to his mother, he asked^,
"Ma, didn't-Adam and Eve wear any
clothes ?" " No, my son." The lad reflected a moment, and said, "By hokey*
though, but I'll bet the mosquitoes jist
made them hump themselves lively!"—
Quincy Modern Argo.
A eot arose one winter morn,
And came to breakfast rather late,
Yet raised a fuss because there was
No nice pancake npon his plate*
His fa'hertook him o'er his knee;
liaised he hia hand oft through tbe air,
An-i when the boy got loose from him
- He hid his spankache in the chair.
• The game of cricket has been
version for mor© than 500 years.
a di-
Progress at Jerasalemio
The fact that a steam engine is beings
ereeted in a flour:mill in Jerusalem is &>
startling -announcement, but it is sa
evidence of the progress of dvilizaMosL
Th© ." infidels" who have thus imte>-
duced modern inventions to the "Holy53
city are a firm, of * Wurtemburg colonists, who, with the characteristic enterprise of th© Teutonic race, are doing;
all the Oriental powers" wili let thess*
to make the historic and Old World eity
march with the times.—-Ewglish Journal*