1880-03-26; Clare County Press

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VOLUME IL
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■^4Y, MARCH 26,1880.
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. "Vi-i— . _. . _.. _ _ ._.	
NUMBER 47.
'trcs n, jjSEBjs. -
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w;
'f*J'in^*sr3by
•;-'>. tr mt-Syt
r. .._ i.'ti fens,
»rt .an but fcegtrfte*. •
-»- I'-ck,. n mine ismy
"... - --CZZ. ^va'stjwawlafti/
^jc3 tr.;-Ij|-fe.therB Srov
ul' TZ *- xe^j Sa5s|'
-4 ht ".' t~'Zi€h-:&id'sii»^h    "
-h. i :• tu: ,"'3 &£"8.deip3it;
a>   *- jfii-'L^t'c'erjjiegleasasS
-.- t» . .03%, i<ZO-.f)£* \.   "'•   ;
djt3.'.j,sti4s**ff1iy .-.  .--.
ccsz^i "SesBor^kiw.^m?"
I]^E!3
O^'SisT^at't/ se loved fepr''*ft«r«wie'.
tafh.-tnie^atiil ai?3«at tte$oti$S, liBitltit
itwois!d"feg'iit:^tli^"S *ask,t& a#e!fa|^
10 "wiB the'regard* of oat ao: far »bov#
.alanin th'e $erJe't>f -boeio&y, and he.had
who enfoye^^bho^on intensely, owt
atuepiSid at niiai liflfc o<!i<j«irred, and im 1
ex|tlfen«feJoi3 It dae.   I had xeaaoa,- ft>(
i^aMHsruBt'the saotivse of nuuiy, indeed,
13_15_14.
| 'a perfeefeltlJjHfacot'th« idea of. being {^fomtf^ttoKif&o were soliciting to^
& Ir^ardei as*a fortune bonier; tomfr\btti*wmk8&**& resorted Ito thm
I • qnmB^4ih& meter Md his lover bat jj.WM W'<»a«r to tp* their sino&tey* i
A'\ sJUoih^d,-Ms fce!i3g&|n bis own bo- land »m ^^a«d mfk-the result of true
[iei&tr-.Z      "   ~ '.  '"'■■ :>•-/-*-1 ' }-iofwfttte|fc.  Sfeaesfca^ti tMs ss to bss-^
' A ■ WwTieah M passed'^fee-Salvia} aot &s!yly8ifcF*home, bat that .of yotar
"f/h^dfeea Md ftxtheihmr^dm had G0-".m«Ui^ ftadTl *iafe her to" fed h«as©tf j«'
1 ovoz«fLxi> licsr tfefe ib • mlgM 'result la I'as much *& home w she ew;d!4 ia 2i** | *ftl
I benelf t* ta« eo l^r a& her &i^r© wel: {.o-Wn don^eile.   So. %ppd a. gdjl.-asyou j S*W w??ie .Jie  lived1'
" r fare was oonmme&t fo tes£th#:$liieeri^y '"»avA always ^v&d fowmeft ough%".nbt i fffg"* of the insane asyl-
afepS si>-k^Tn«ft thai?* tobfe^To«»al^,f»m Msliaotlicfr.,*" >-.   Iit^S^J^  likely  to mak
i of Ilidsa'wh© se#iejl go'-Jsniiaus'tljaf
to;b> mm,^pm m *mfc>
iedt* '*I;'do $,<$ ka^w
sy ig any*jb|ecMo%"bui
iwtisfied with you
^    ful^f biBitered her
1«1r UBadter false pretenses,
«#r-Fangled fuzzle That Is Klling the
[r \t..Xt|natic Asylums.
fom the Philadelphia Times J
'mus' accounts have been given of
invention of the -^Fifteen Game,"
«trise known as the" "Gem Puzzle,"
is jusi> now having; a run second
to that©* *Pinaf«r<f*   According
«ae story, it is th© llnvention of a
ute in Hartford, who made it for
entertainment of the inmates of the
oin where   he   lived,   without   a
_ urns for which
*^eins  likely  to make   so    many
-ii
pa^its.   Another story ascribes  the
"■'"■'''ffjio the Postmaster at Cauastota,
»t*Who gave the game to a lady in
tapme, who sent it to .a lady  at
ty Hffl, who took it home to Hart-
^.where a Boston man saw ife, and sq^
Bjit, whoever invented it, it is the
faeturers who  are   reaping   the
p. It is not patented, but the manure appears to have been confined,
0^5 * ^h|^ar,'tlo two New England firms, who
*** \ *m 'Sid to.have been burning out the
At the rate of 6,000 or 8,000 a
Aidfjiil
. she sb&uftf. r©gsrd/ tbem. 'with \4»I^     Owriri
18h© mnSMe&h&\f, ^lims±o-noonp.,&^Q't thafcym
*-« ihe •agetjfc'Egrnej" wlio ley mmf yeiBs"]-I-flioiild,;
H who IiaCtieei his Jbaa md 'tme Mend hforobi.
.j during' liis  iiitrmmpmd-' sin6e' h^ianf*desl»;.
■ j orphanage %ml retained, her confidence*; Imm^Su. i" _ ,> r
' He miet&A hexdny. iaM" lifer -pirns and \  Mg€OdJciey smm-i^m her se»t,
• prdis^^ :h& iM thp. secespaay assist- •■mmeMm-r^-^-A'^^ on& ssm*
J-imjee, . :.-.-_  ; *"'-';;'-".*.--,""       '■        ^pr&t^illlsg-.-'oJi-'li^r, br©»,:»n3
tf -Sefsr^^sha haS lak«& i$By step in --the i gw^^Mlitondfef- t^-fier, feelings'*
r'fur&el^iie'e-of he2?3es%n sh© received -i'lfae^ y«n, _n&r dfttightor*   X. can »fl«e»l Si< C
-|'aiE^ffe?of i^ar^g^'feepa-young man "bfe ,st$fe$i@a%\ grateful for Vour kiad. R'^t-.^ D^n t,„^1„ +« u™ m„«n^
^.bytheiis^ofWllMSf^ninl' Header to give%e • home with J^%t&^* ^rj^i?^^?^
tAi-'*" ' '        '■"    ^i^*ot£ldiHia;iH^fessta«kt0at^®ti^fen¥cr^^^   ^ oiscussing it
,      rcafcif our: ]*«&«& unsu«^M J# ?^ave- ?ee? -^ ^r^ 1?eap'
1        --        -       ••*j-   .—.   --     -      ^pa^/'jg consists of sixteen httle squares
tively from
exactly in a
the num-
and there is
which allows
stamps. It might, under certain circumstances, even be worth while to buy
a few thousand stamps to get them
stamped. If you-have the waste paper
of very busy offices, you will be greatly
helped in the accumulation. Most people
who begin such an accumulation break
down after a time. A lady told me the
other day that she was saving up her
postage stamps toward 1,000,000, and I
calculated that it would take her 250
years at the present rate to complete
her task. If you can't complete your
own collection, you may make yourself
helpful in the matter of helping to complete collections of luckier people. A
mJHioil of postage stamps is a possession
decidedly worth the having. It would
have Its value in the universal market.
—London Society.
A. WISEACRE'S TVISBOM.
"*BT BABEfcAIS OS 1880.
liOSli
,c:s'aad beaiiitfy it-aitd
uirrrrrrxtjm - '?ha3e_ 'during
»onths> it* "lias re^jefsfeik
j th&lj&locks  to   slide, one square at a
5 tiffirffyaadthey are thus to be arranged
t'ABtS
Q2?.3ye,
F
t    A7- ~
>~.lueer anil
2s'
Benefits oi a- 6iGx'0tigh edae^MoE^being
susses of Bocietf-^
mmhmi&i
i."»belong towhs^aie
:-aia*ed proleaseions.
% ears dweifc <?hples f
y merohui|.   ^*tiw I
mraitfiuled t%e )fii^«isfciaBd'
w a.* known «n> «»s» ^ gw
estv
.& has /-been discovered thai pofe&to '
^vnparjx; opgtijmen ttf. % fl#&&$& 0f &J ^v«aa^iuU fee fofl&miigi^W ^^ mdcruslied can be usedfor
by
usurily* "klxic
3E«sS!2iL.\
. T. HJ
.f>;
-jfe   til
those
|$jaye'*ettsfts} cgiiofefe rlif?  €stee of t£J      .....'-...-    - -    -   ---* -
I stefi, fans g.ven up iii! Jiei? sia|ia,tdt-k0-^t»te^|Whll%^ .pd>UlHW kH©«n »»
l for ae^eiicSt df sn^eaityM <•:      '        '|p. Bs/^QttbPft. Mmlih
\    OurlieKoiiis for^d 'a Jpme with an ^ihat ©W of Ih^is^ief ojBBli
= *rd ktly^-JiG* Ji*d lormerly been her .nurse Is to t|ink#her
nurse/ a.nh h&tl yvex since .her first rect! vf lid ahould%ev#
offi^^on Dmh'--&xmly aad sffedpsalei^ "eai^tjon of
fttt«rahed"t^ She family,   Mrs.
.evetl her^jouug fri
bin a&pled h#r
Ol EO
hhom-i-
Jt:
*5« '<*
ff
■ it
J?*    ^
L.r^*j \/no
Hhms needs.
At the time of which we now write,
he was a widower. IFi^e years previously the death angel had- spread his
dark and murky wings over the couch
of the companion of his youth, with
whom he had feed the ragged path of
life for twenty yeaa:s, and transported
her chaste and pure spirit to the better
land, leaving behind her the only child
that had ever been vouchsafed to them
—a daughter, Helvia tp1 name—now of
the tender age of 17 yeirs, when bereft
of a mother's care. On her Mr. La-
throp lavished all his afi-eeiion. She
had been thoroughly educated, both at
home by her parents, wh© were fully
competent to the Jtask, and by private
instructors, and had attended the best
seminaries of learning that the country
afforded.
Mr. Lathrop had, after the demise of
his wife, no inclination to turn a second
time to the shrine of love, but, as before
intimated, centered his entire affection
on the pledge of their jautual love that
the loved one had confided to his ware.
As may well be supposed, her accomplishments, her beauty—which was
above the common order—and her
wealth in prospect secured to her a
large number of suitors for her hand.
Bhe treated all respectfully, but, surmising thafc perhaps sinister notions influenced them, and not willing to leave
her father's society and the home that
had sheltered her since her birth, she
gave encouragement to no one.
A year passed, and a second time she
was compelled to pass through the deep
waters of sorrow, affliction, and bereavement by the death of her father. She
felt the loss keenly. For a year she refused to go into society or to receive
the addresses of any of the opposite sex.
A t the end of that time her suitors
..ocked around her, and numerous were
the offers of marriage she received.
There was one at least who truly loved
her. His name was Bichard Ooniey. He
was 25 years of age. For ten years he
had been fatherless, and for the last
seven years had been the principal support of his widowed mother. For thafc
length of. time he had been employed
in a mercantile establishment, and, by
steady application to. business, had secured a yearly increase of his salary as
well as the confidence and good will of
his employer.
He dwelt with his mother in the humble cottage that had been their place
of abode during his father's. lifetime—
indeed, ever since his recollection.
He had frequently met with Helvia
at social parties, at church, in the Sabbath-school, and at his place of business, and she invariably treated him
with marked respect. Indeed, she heM
him in the highest estimation. She
knew him to be intelligent and well-informed; that by dint of his own exertion he had acquired a better education
than many of her acquaintances who
were furnished with all desirable facilities for acquiring knowledge; that he
had the reputation of being scrupulously honest and trustworthy; and,
above ail, that he was^an affectionate
and dutifal son, and justly the pride
and joy of his mother.
wii
se
Helvia resorted to her' needle, in the
use of which she was an adept, for the
purpose of obtaining a livelihood.
A week had not elapsed after she had
become the guest of Mrs. Dermont, or
rather one of her household, ere she received from her quondam lover a note,
of which the following is a copy:
Miss Helvia liATHEOP—Bespected Lady:*
I embrace the present opportunity to inform
you that it will not he necessary for you to
further consider tiie proposition I recently
made to you. The unfortunate change iu your
circumstances will render it impossible for me
to support you in the style that I should desire, and I must ask you to no longer regard
me as a suitor for your hand. I shall ever remain your friend.   Yours truly,
Ww;T/rAM Manning.
In truth, our heroine had, until the
reception of this epistle, regarded the
writer of it in a more favorable light
than any of the suitors for her hand,
but now most heartily did bhe congratulate herself that she had an insight
into his true character and understood
the true motives that influenced him in
the professions of affection and preference he had made to her.
A few days subsequent to her reception of the above epistle she received
another. It was from Bichard Ooniey,
and ran a3 follows:
Miss Helvia Lathrop—Bespected and Honored Lady: I have long since given you all that
strength of affection of which my nature is
capable^, but, until the recent unfortunate
change m your circumstances, have locked the
secret in my own bosom. Conscious, owmg to
the difference of our positions in life, tbat I
might be thought to be influenced by sinister
motives were I to reveal to you the real state
of my feelings, I have refrained from doing so;
but, now that circumstances have changed, 1
venture to ask you to allow me to prove to you
and to the world the sincerity of my affection
f of you. Will you allow me to visit you and
become better acquainted? I have no fortune
to'lay at your feet: no splendid home to offer
you; only true, ardent affection, and a desire to
be your future protector and dearest earthly
friend. Please let me hear from you at your
earliest convenience. Your true friend and
sincere lover, Richaed Conley.
To this she replied immediately, inviting Bichard to visit her in her humble home. His visits were repeated at
short intervals for a few months, when
she promised him to brave life's ills
with him, guided by his protecting arm.
She told him that she had but one
condition to require—that their marriage should be celebrated in the
church, and that she be allowed to have
fche wedding feast prepared. To this
he at firsfc objected, but she was persistent in her demand. She told him that
hereafter she would be guided by his
judgment, but thafc in this instance she
should insist on having ber whim—if
he chose to regard ifc as such—indulged.
He finally acquiesced.
They issued a number of cards of invitation to the marriage ceremony and
feast.
The day arrived on which the twain
were to be united in the most sacred
bonds" known to mortals. After the
ceremony had been performed, the happy couple, followed by the invited
guests, most of whom belonged to the
humble walks of life, proceeded directly to our heroine's former residence.
Great was their surprise to find it open
for the reception of company, and a
sumptuous feast prepared.
After  the departure of the guests,
tJom^urid^Uquorice powder may
substituted for the sugar. Children,
says the Boston Journal of Chemistry,
quarrel over this confection. For
grown people the boluses may, in some
instances, be enveloped in wafer-paper.
Accobding to Hamilton the severest
catarrhal cold can be cured in about
ten hours by a mixture of carbolic acid,
about ten drops; tincture of iodine and
chloroform, each seventy-five drops. A
few drops of the mixture should be
heated over a spirit lamp, in a test tube,
the mouth of which should be applied
to the nostrils as soon as volatization is
effected. The operation should be repeated in about two minutes, when,
after the patient sneezes a number of
times, the troublesome symptoms rapidly disappear.
Cough Medicine.—Take three table-
spoonfuls of whole $ax seed; put in an
earthen vessel or pitcher; pour on a
quart of boiling .water; let ife stand by
the fire for an hour, then add the juice
of four large lemons, half teacup pure
honey, one large stick of licorice
broken in bits, one stick of rock candy
pounded fine; stir often, and, when
licorice and candy dissolve., stir. If
too thick and jelly-like, add more boiling water; some people like it to jelly.
Take a good drink of this whenever
you feel inclined to cough; it is best
drunk cold, as it will not induce perspiration. This can be drunk by either
young or old.
The science of life consists in knowing how to take care of your health,
how to make use of people, how to
make the most of yourself, and how to
push your way in the world. These are
the things which everybody ought to
know, and which very few peopie do
know.,, How never to get sick, now to
develop your health and strength to the
utmost, how to make every man you
meet your friend—all these and many
other things are to be included in the
science ©f living, and the pity is that .we
appreciate it at its true value only when
fche bloom of life is gone.—Dr. Foote's
Health Monthly.
It Depended.
A citizen who had thoughts of buying a few hens for his table, was consulting a colored man as to what breed
he had better purchase. "Well, sah. dat
depends. If you am gwine to have
your hen-house on de roof of your residence, wid about fo' men to guard it,
white Leghorn hens am debest to buy;
but if you am gwine to have it in de
back yard, an' run your chances, you'd
better buy cast-iron roosters, and fill
each one with gunpowder and grape-
shot ! Ize been in de hen bizness myself, an' I knows dat nuffin' will ooze
away quicker in a dark night dan good
fat pullets!"
"I don't have enough of religion to
brag of," says an old Nevada miner,
"but I never get into the cage to go up
or down without feeling how puny I
am, and how great my Maker is."
A genius without common sense has
but little advantage over the regular
fool.
'tfVLis- removing them from the box.
fifteen squares being mixed and
d indiscriminately in the box, the
jen?. is to arrange them in regular
laefci^al series, as in the following
.".»
3
■ ' ' 4
6.
7
8
10
l*
13    .
■'^L»5"--^v?
14
15
r^Jt^jfi^
Any one can make the game for himself by cutting the httle squares from a
cigar box, or by dividing the bottom of
a square pasteboard box, first into quarters, amd then into sixteenths, and using
the lid of the box, which will, of course,
just contain them.' Or it can be played
with counters on a quarter section of a
checker-board. The game as it is sold
in the shops, however, is more convenient, and it can be had anywhere for a
quarter or even less.
The early moves of the game are simple enough. Starting with the 1 and
working it gradually toward the corner,
and following with the 2, and so on, a
beginning is easily made. Then you
start this line in procession around the
sides of the box, gradually working the
numbers in in the required order. This
process cannot be described minutely,
but one soon discovers a certain sort of
method in it, and it looks as though'the
solution of the puzzle was only a question of time and patience. Gradually
the lines are formed: 1,2,3,4; 5,6,7,8,
and so on. Victory ir, at hand, and the
player subdues his exeitement as best
ne can, while the lookers-on say: " He
has it." But he hasn't. Although so
near, the end is yet so far that sanguine
hope gives way to despair. After working for a longer or a shorter time, according to the familiarity of the player
with the method of the thing, this is the
way it comes out:
Jefferson's Manners.     '•...*",.
When Jefferson became Presides^ he
carried his simple manners andr^asto
into official life. He determined th^|
his inauguration as the chief officer d&
the republic should be as fpee from display as possible. Dressed in plain black
clothes, he rode on horseback to the old
Capitol, without guard or servant, dis-'
mounted without assistance, and hitched
his horse to the fence. On the sf eps he
was met by a number of friends, who
accompanied him to the Senate Chamber, where he delivered his inaugural
address. During the administrations of
Gen. Washington and John Adams the
sessions of Congress had been opened
in a style similar to that by which the
English sovereign opens Parliament.
The President, accompanied by a large
escort on horseback, drove in state to
the Capitol. Taking his seat in the
Senate Chamber, ahd the House of Bepresentatives being sutTcmoned, he. read
his address. Mr. Jefferson, to whom
such ceremonies were distasfceiul, swept
them all away. by one act. He sent a
written message to Congress, which was
read to both houses by their respective
Glerks, and that practice has been observed ever since. Against one of his
reforms, however, the ladies of Wash
ington rose up enmasse. Mr.'Jeffer-
son, disliking the levees which had been
held, at the-White House, abolished
them. He established two public days
for the reception of company—the 1st
of January and the Fourth of July.
On other day? he was „ at home^to all
dfchers whQ came on business or out of
courtesy.'   Many of! the Washington
ures being thus curtailed,.determined
to force the President to" hold the customary levees. On the usual levee day
they resorted in full dress to the White
House. The President was out taking
a ride on horseback. On his return he
saw that the public rooms were filled
with elegantly-dressed ladies. At once
divining the plot, he appeared before
his fair guests booted and spurred and
covered with dust. So courteous was
his reception of them, and so graceful.
his manners, that the ladies went away
delighted with the President, but chagrined with themselves. They felt that
they had been guilty of a rudeness in
visiting a guest who did not expect
them. It was their last attempt to
break through the rules of Jefferson's
household.- -Youth's Companion.
Spoke Kabelais of old, this queer story Ml tell,
Moral to draw from lor those who have need,
How oft penny-wise men, who seek to compel
Pay that's due them, get beat in their greed.
At a roast meat cook'ry, in Paris, of ITranee.
Smoked a fat goose on a spit by the fire;
Near hy sat a lean, hungry porter, hy chance,
Striving to satisfy hunger's desire.
He ate very slowly his loaf of dry bread,
Sniffing the reek and the steam of the fowL
And wishing! no doubt, a sweet slice, yethesaid
Naught, as he noted the cook's angry scowl.
His loaf he consixmed; when he Bought to depart,
"Hold!" cried the cook, and his gorget secured?
""The smoke of my goose ofyourmealformed'apart
Pay I demand!" but the porter demurred.
While .thus the two argued, the fool, geny Jean,
Entered.   They chose him a judge of the case.
Complying; he donned an official's grave mien—
Heard^hoth their  pleas   Mfh quite dignified
grace. ..
Jhen from the defendant two coppers he took;
Jingled them loudly between Ms two hands,
Returned them again, disappointing the'cook, '
Who thought tliat the judge had approved hi
ctemand.
Then, turning to plaintiff, this judgment conferred
"True, this poor porter thy reeking goose smelt
As thou of his money the jingle hast heard—r .
He hath Ms money; no loss hast thou felt.
"TMs seemeth," quoth he, "toJ)^ proper and light
Now I decree, or expres^what-J fear,
It's best we depart out of each other's sight,
test we have too many fouls .gathered here."
—Chicago Ledger. ,
PITH MB POINT.
A City's Wonderful Strides.
Ex-Gov. William ±$ross, of. the Chicago Tribune, lately read a paper before the Historical Society of Chicago,
on the sources of the city's past and
future growth. In 1855, after carefully
studying fche map, he became convinced,
he said, that there were about 700,000
square miles of territory between Lake
Michigan and the Bocky mountains
whose trade would go to Chicago. The
estimate has never been disputed, and
agrees very nearly with the figures of
the national census. There is space
enough for seventeen States as large as
Ohio, and he ventures to predict that
before 1976 the whole region will be far
more populous, more productive, and
vastly richer, than Ohio is to-day. It
will be agriculturally, minerally, and
commercially prosperous beyond any
precedent, and all its prosperity will
count for Chicago. The history of the
city for a quarter of a century past is
most remarkable. The town was organized in 1837; the year following, the
first shipment of wheat, 78 bushels, was
made eastward by the lakes. In 1854
the receipts of wheat had risen to 3,038,-
955 bushels; last year they were 39,-
358,074. The receipts of corn for 1854
were 7,490,753; last year they were 62,-
194,238 bushels.   The total receipts of
in.!     i. i   x   a.1, i   •        v        .cereals for 1854 were 12,902,310; last
rediiced ultimately to that given above, | year they were i37)624,833 bushels, and
5        6        7        8
9      10      11      12 '
13 15 14
and no art can get that 15 into its right
place. The more you struggle with it
the worse it gets, and the laboriously-
arranged rows become all mixed up
again. "\ It is at this point that grim despair settles down upon all but the most
courageous. Sometimes the 13, 14,
come in their right order, while two
other numbers are misplaced, but we
believe tbat every combination, can be
so that the "real problem is to get the
15 after the 14. » An enterprising
Yankee lately advertised to send the
solution of this problem for two stamps,
and to the many who applied he sent
back the answer: "Take up No. 15
carefully between the thumb and forefinger and place him where he belongs."
This is on the principle of Alexander's
solution of the Gordian knot; it is heroic, but not satisfactory.
That Million of Postage Stamps.
I really have solid reasons for believing that there have been cranky people
who have made the acquisition of
1,000,000 of postage stamps a condition
for the accomplishment of some vital
matter. A legacy may depend upon it.
A marriage may depend upon ic. Some
old imbecile may have insisted on having the wall of his bedroom pasted ^th
1,000,000 of postage stamps. It is not
perhaps so difficult as might be thought
to bring together 1,000,000 of used-up
their value $78,080,000. The number
of hogs received, in 1854 was 74,339;
last year, 6,488,935; of cattle, in 1854,
23,691; last year, 1,215,672, and the total
value of live stock handled was $107,-
310,000. The total value of the produce trade last year was $253,000,000;
wholesale trade, $341,000,000; manufactures, $236,500,000, from which $66,-
500,000 are to be deducted for articles
manufactured there and also sold at
wholesale, leaving the actual value of
trade of the city for last year, $764,-
000,000. Enormous as these figures are,
they have been gathered, it is said, by
experts from authentic sources The
population in 1854 was 65,872, and it is
confidently asserted that the census
about to be taken will show at least
450,000. Gov. Bross used to be thought
rather wild about Cliicago; but his intimates aver that every one of his prophecies, extravagant as it may have seemed
when uttered, has been more than realized by the absolute facts.
A novel scheme—A proposition to
write a romance.
A good judge of mutton ought to be
wether wise.-
Does the maternal codfish call its
young with a codfish bawl.
The proverb, "Fair exchange, no robbery," didn't refer to church fairs.
My son, emulate the mule; it is-
backward in deeds of violence.
An innkeeper need neve% be at a loss
for means to entertain his patrons, being
always a host in himself.
It's an easy thing,* we* are informed
by J. Joshua JenMns^ to bear the tooth-;
ache in the jaw of yotir neighbor.
A sbee art" school has been established in Indianapolis, but the boys say
4hey would prefer a sweetheart school.
What is the difference between a
soldier and a bombshell? « Why, one
goes to war andthe other goes to pieces.
"Tell the truth and shame the devil/37"
I know lots of people who can sSsjifie
the devil easy enuff, but t'other' .tMng
bothers fern'. „■•,..; ^   •
afc his sister, andThitnternon theTjscfcof *:
the head so hard that fche bawl came out
of hey mouth.
A cobbespondent asks us, "What is
your idea of the saddest thing on
earth?" Easy enough! A tailor with
a good memory.
Eveeything has recently advanced
in price except liberty, which remains
at eternal vigilance, with liberal reductions to the trade.
Some predict that the time will come
when people can read each others
thoughts like a book. It is sad to think
that many fly-leaves will be discovered
where least expected.
A nervous divine, who was but a so-
and-so preacher, being called upon accidentally for a sermon, asked a friend
what he should preach about, to which
the other replied, "About five minutes."
"Do you see this stick, sir?" said a
very stupid acquaintance to Sidney
Smith. "This stick has been all round
the world, sir." "Indeed! And yet it's
only a stick," said the remorseless Sydney.
A Vassae girl sat
On her hest fellow's hat
As  they basked in the moonlight with classical
chat;
She put in her thumb
And pulled out her gum
And made it all up with a thrilling yum yum.
A Boston man is about to make a trip
axound the world in an eighteen-foot
boat, taking his wife with him on the
journey. He has steadily declined
tempting offers to take the wives of*
several other Bostonians.
" So," said a lady recently to a merchant, "your pretty daughter has married a rich husband?" "Well," slowly
replied the father, "I believe she has
married a rich man, but I understand
he is a very poor husband."
A boy in the country writes to another in the city to come and visit him.
He proposes to him to get his father's
consent, and says it might be done in
this way: "Ask your sister to ask your
mother to ask your father to let you
come."-.
"How fab," asks an exchange,
bees go for honey?" The answer
this conundrum is unknown to us, but
it is a well-known fact that a bee will
go miles out of its way for fche purpose
of stinging a barefooted boy on the
heel.
- Says Mrs. A. to Mrs. B.:
"You must excuse me, dear!
But then I know you cannot see
The soot in your left ear."
"Oh! thank you, dear!" says Mrs. B.;
"You're very kind to speak;
How could it get there?   Let me see—
Oh, yes! the ears last week!"
This fable teaches plain, though rough;
Don't give yourself away
3y saying more than just enough,
And bathe on every day.
"The Tree.9'
A small boy got up fco read a composition on "The Tree." He got as far as
"This subject has many branches,"
when the teacher said, "Stop! you have
not made your bough yet." "If you interrupt me again," said the boy, 'Til
leave." "If you give me any more impudence, I'll take the sap out of you. Do
you understand?" said the teacher. "I
twig," said the boy, and then the regular order of business proceeded.
"will
to
/.I
/'   -'