1881-01-29; Clare County Press

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VOLUME II
A Newspaper for Cfcr© (pomiiitgr,
JX. K
.ji—
-tb-
CLARE, MICHIGAN, SATURDAY. JANUARY 2.9, I88t
NUMBER
A
f
carnage.
Spoopssfiyfee ami tt® Towel,
"No, my dear," said Mr. Spoopendyke, "just wait until I wash my face
and hands and I'll be ready," and Mr.
Bpoopen&yke plunged ids fists into the
"basin aad began polishing his face with
soap. Mrs. Spoopendyke primmed
around before the glass, putting on the
finishing touches. I'or the -worthy
couple were getting ready for the
, theater.
,.*« Where—-where—there's the towel?"
gasped Hr. Spoopendyke, holding Ms
head down and clawing around with both
hands. ""What—what's become of the
towel?" he sputtered, rasping handfuls
of soap out of his eyes.
Mrs. Spoopendyke glanced at the rack
®nd saw that the towekwas gone.
• " I don't believe that there's a towel
tip here," she commenced.
"What, d'ye suppose I'm going to
^o?" howled Mr. Sp*bopendyke. "Think
I'm going to the theater looking like a
soda fountain? Gimme something to
wipe on, will ye ? Bod gast the soap;
I've got my mouth full! Ain't ye going
v Jo get a towel ? Going to let me hang
but and dry like an undershirt ?"
"Wait and I'll ring for one," said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, toiling away at the
belL    " Be patient a moment."
"Hdw's a man going to be patient
with his eyes full of soap? What d'ye
mean by keeping house like thig? Think
Tm going to stand around here till winter and then freeze up ? Gimme something to wipe on. Fetch me a door.
Tear up a carpet. Gimme a skirt.
Where's ihe bed-spread ? Dod gast this
measly soap," and Mr. Spoopendyke tore
ihe shams off the pillows, but, being
smooth, they slid around on his -visage
as though they were soap.
. «5,What am I going to do with these?"
he yelled; "I won't be dry in four
months," and „he grasped the- sheet and
rubbed' hiseyes as though he were polishing silver.
" Ain't you got something coarse ?"
and he hauled the flannel blankets off
and got the wool in his  mouth, and
finally he emerged with great globs ^i^^WhXw it?" I inquired,
soap hanging to his forehead andchfe. h   --   -        -      -    H
"Never mind, d[ear," -consoled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. ■ ** You're all right. Take
tbis handkerchief and wipe your face."
* " Ohl Tin "®H right, ain?t I ?" raved.
Hr. Spoopendyke..;- "You've only got
fo say soj and anything is" all right.
Some day'I'll sew your heels to- ypur
head and hang you over a roller. Loot\at
that chin. - is that all right? . See fidat
©ye.   TMnk that's all right?  I'll goto
'"^li-TTS ■^:,''Mr,,*.?.i'>'!7el?!    -it-A  Tin* a-n-n-n.
around like a top" and"turned "over the"
center-table,
" Why, here," said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"What's this ?" and she untied tha towel
and took it off his neck. " You must
have put it there when you were shav-
"And your Grace will not
be remembered i'or Salamanca, or Vit-
torio, or Waterloo, but for a new style
of boot." " D— the boots ; I had for
gotten them," naively replied Wellington.
Tk® BouMs and Anxieties of a Bride*
Expectant.
I was standing on the platform of the
Central depot the other day, waiting for
the train for Boston, when a woman
probably born near the opening of the
present century, came to me and said:
" You are a stranger to me, sir."
" Yes," I replied, looking at her bonnet and wondering how many years old
it was.
"I am sorry," said she, with a sigh.
"Why so?'* said I. .
"Because if I felt acquainted I would
like to speak to you."
She had already spoken twice.
" Try and feel acquainted," • said I,
encoimtgingly.
" Then you have no objection to me
telling you my story?"
" How many chapters are there?" I
inquired.    " Is it long or short?"
"Short," she replied.
"Begin," said I, " the train will be
here soon."
"I am in distress," said the woman.
"What caused it?" I inquired, "mince
pie or cabbage?"
" Oh, no, nothing that I ever eat
hurts me; it's a man."
I anj engaged,
breaking off the
ing," and Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled
sweetly as her lord* growled away
through the rest of the toilet.—Brooklyn
Magle.
"Ah, I see, your husband has left
you."
"No, that's not it. I never was married."
"Indeed, then you are not in the market."
This was a slight deviation from the
truth, for she was side of me in the depot.
"Well, not exactly,
but I have an idea of
engagement."
Heartless wretch, thought I to myself.
" For what reason," I asked.
" Because of something that I have
heardlately."
"Wehave
S^ofchad any thunder-storm lately."
65 No; but I hear that people after they
are married gEow to look like each otiier.
What do yoii think about it?"
"I haven't any moaey up on it," I replied,   "btttyet it may b©;so.   Tennyson advances some such idea as that, I . _
believe.   But what do you care if your   » mere poetical metaphor.
future husband grows to look like you?r
""Grow  to  look lik©  me!"  she
How Mantes Eats, Move amfi §le©pa
In a work entitled "Movements of
Hants," Mr. Charles Darwin gives the
results of his latest investigations into
the question of botanic life. These researches are of a nature which cannob
fail to excite general interest, while they
will be " like an eagle in a dove-cot" to
those wh6 cling to the venerable belief
in a distinct line of demarcationbetween
the animal and vegetable kingdoms.
Speaking from careful -experiment, the
author tells us how plants exhibit many
of the characteristics of animal nature.
They sleep, they move, they are yery
sensitive, they have appetites, they are
carnivorous, and they have radicles
which by their sensibility and their effect upon other parts of the plant act a
part similar to to that of brain in lower
animals. We are told that a leaf of a
carnivorous plant which has been motionless for hours will instantly curve on
being touched in a most delicate manner with a piece of raw beef. In observing the sleeping habits of certain plants,
Mr. Darwin, by an ingenious contrivance, held down the leaves which otherwise would have returned to a vertical
or sleepipg position at night. The result was that those leaves were frostbitten in a temperature which had no
such effect on the leaves that were allowed freedom to sleep. Mr. Darwin
thence concludes that the sleeping of
the plant is to it a " question of life and
death," the vertical position of the:
leaves at night protecting it from injurious effects of radiation and cold. Not
less instructive and suggestive are the
researches into the effects of light upon
certain forms of vegetation. -Instances
are given of the wondAful sensitiveness
of some plants to light. The seedlings
of the Bhaearis canariensis. ior example, aye said to have a power of detecting differences in light which are inap-~
preciable by the human eye, while they
sympathetically turn to the minutest
Xioint of light. Nor is the constant motion of plants confined to any special
state of germination, for we learn that
from year to year since the tree first began to rise through the ground the tip
of each rootlet endeavors to sweep small
ellipses or circles, as far as the surrounding earth permits. All this, ■sfosld seem
to show that when we speak'tpf flowers
but such cases are. Given the proper
encouragement and the means, and many-
boys who:-:e mechanical aptness is allowed ito mn to waste, or is diverted
from its lateral course, would become
good w«danen, useful, producing i&em-
bers of ilieindustiialcommuni-fy*
The 25eelianical-boy ought to have is
shop of1-"Ms own. Let it be the attic, o«
an um%rc"& room, or a- j>lace in the barn
oi? wood-shed. Give him a place and
tools. -Let him have a gdod pocket
knife, y-isalets, chisels, gouges, planes,
cutting nippers, saws, afoot rule, and
material; io wprk. Let the boy have a
chance^ H he is a mechanic it will
come ar\i, and he will do himself credit.
If he lyj-is he is to follow some calling
that does not demand mechanical skill.
peeping," " smiling, and " drinking
dew," we express something more than
.J*
p Champion Liar0
The most abled-bodied liar oa this
continent is now on the staff of the San
Erancisco Chronicle, and that paper is
Justly proud of hi3 brilliant mendacity.
Gifted as others have been in this line,
the 'Frisco man discounts them all and
givesthem as many points as they wish
at the beginning of the game. His genius in this respect is probably the result
of the "glorious climate of California,"
ably seconded by that training which
only Chicago or San Erancisco can give.
His most imposing and massive falsehoods are always in the medical line. A
while ago he gave an accout of a physician who removed a condemned criminal's
brain, piece by piece. The top of the
unfortunate culprit's head would lift off
like a lid, so that any inquisitive person
could gaze at the empty shell. To do
the doctor justice it must be admitted
that he kept the scooped-out head filled
with cotton, so that the brainless man
"eould not cateh cold. No doubt Califor-
aia is so accustomed to see men without
brains that this story passed current
thpre. This man, we presume, is now
an estimable citizen of San Francisco,
going around with a lump of cotton instead of brains. Again, this chronicler
wrfat® of a physician who fixed up a bath
that would freeze solid in an instant, by
touching an electric knob. By" mistake
the physician got into the bath, some
one touched the knob, and in a moment
the doctor was ready to be loaded on an
ice wagon. The latest yam appeared
last w#ek. Barney McGee, probably a
descendant of the "Bouncing Barney
McGee" celebrated in an old Irish song,
drove a street car till he got a disease
that softened all his bones. Barney was
about to collapse when Dr. Bishop took
him in hand and ossified Mr. McGe© on
the outside. He procured bone material
at the stock yards and covered ■ Barney
with a shell—in fact, made a human oyster of him. Barney has no bones inside,
but his outside shell prevents collapse
sad although he is a little stiff in his
manner he gets along all right.—Detroit
2Wee Press.
"Wellington and Brougham.
The Duke of Wellington admired
"men of science" also "lawyers," who
seemed to Hm possessed of a subtle
craft beyond his own powers. He looked
on them pretty much as a knight of the
twelfth century would have looked on a
" clerk" who could do a sum in the rule of
three. His political adversary, Brougham, he almost loved "for the learning
that was in him." On one occasion he
attempted to " spar " with the Chancellor, and was worsted. " My Lord," he
said, "you will be remembered inhi*»
tory, not for your exertions in abolishing slavery, or reforming the law, or
changing our constitution, but simply
feom giving your name to a new style of
exclaimed. * ■'•"J "wish he would.' Tiyit is
grow to look like him."
"Ah, there's the rub," said I, as the
woman rubbed the lobe of her left ear.
"But what if you do?"
"Why, he's all bent up with rheumatism,"  replied the woman,    "and I am
sound in every timber."
"But rheumatism can b® cured," I
replied.
"More than that, he's baldheaded as
a goose egg," added the woman. "Would,
not I look pretty without any hair?"
" On the contrary, I think it would
rather detract from your charms," I replied.
"But this isn't all—he hasn't got a
tooth in his head. How would I look
without teeth?"
"Bad," I replied,   looking through-
the depot to see if the train wasn't coming.
"More than this," said ihe woman,
" he's got only one leg."
"Probably the other is all right," said
I, trying to comfort her a little.
"Yes," said the woman, "but he lost
©ne eye in the army."
" Then you ought to marry him out of
sympathy," said  I,    "if   for
else."
"I can stand all this very well,
Sfte^otral©—:i. Boj% CompositlOBo
The msml is an anermul which wtis
born after Noer built the ark. The ri-
nosertts wm in the ark, but there aia't
no accki\ait of the mewl being-there, aft'
I gaesB he wasn't, 'cos he would'va
bruised ftrottnd in it aa* made trouble.
Noer Ikicled on Mount Jorerat, but if the
mewl hxd been in. the ark there aintt no
telling where' Noer-awould've landed.
The d;.saces are he would've been kilt
by the mewl, 'cos & mewl don't like to
be -coqged up; it ain't in his nater.
Mount- Aterat is a big hill in the Holy
Land^siid there Noer turhed' loose the
unerkova an* the lamb, an' the liuns
''ipxrec: '
the p.
in a j.
craw
Lige. i'va got a dog named lage." Ee
is a tuindle bull-dog and won't back
down Aox a cirkular saw.' Dad bought
him ijom, Jim Jones's unkle. Jim
Jones't. grandma is hip-shot, an* wears a
plum-j-;iored glass eye, an* shouts at
campLeetin's. Dad bought, the dog to
keep £:o niggers oaten the watermelon
patch, ;'ts? if s wrong to "call the profit
Lige. .'Sad boys ain't got no respect fpr
• the pr« /-its no how. I'm the head in my
Sunder vsohool class. Deakun Smith
owned 'a big :roan mewl, an' he had a
waito..* Ms leg an' a Eoman nose. A
maa ir. /.ned WilMns who loaf es around
tryiir i get -on kurriner's juries-tole
Dectea Smith- to pull a hair Outen the
,, iin't wrong, Mount Ararat was
.a where the profit Eliger flew up
ulcae of fire.   Sum boys who go
A. Mn*' on Sunday call the profit
A Li?ing Paper Cutter^
£jx Indian Bajahwho was pleasantly
..„.dlsDosed .tow/jsrd. the -EndisJi a^d-shad
learned Their Tanguage^ncer a fasmon^
frequently visited some years ago, so the
story runs, the Yiceroy of Calcutta, and
on one occasion borrowed of the latter a
copy of the Edinburgh Review, which he
happened to see lying on the table.
When he returned the magazine the
Viceroy asked him if he had found anything interesting in it. "Oh! yes?" he
replied, "many beautiful things,but
also many disconnected articles."   ' 'TIow
nothing'
plied the woman, "but there is one
thing that I can not swallow, and that is
his nose."
"But why do you want to?"
"Want to what?"
"Why—swallow his nose?"
"I mean,"   said the woman trying tc
explain,   "that I can't stand his nose—
it's tremendous."
.   " Large, you mean?"
"Yes, perfectly frightful!"
"Nature did not forget to remembei
you in that direction," said I.
She had as big a nose as I ever„saw on
a person of her size.
"No, I've got a good big one myself,
but there isn't any wart on it," said fche
woman.
" None that I can see," I replied.
"Well, that's the trouble; he has got
&■ big nose and a wart on the end oi
that."
"Unfortunate," said I.
"I want to give you a conundrum,'1
said the woman. "When he goes to take
a glass of water, which do you think
stakes ihe liquid first, his lips or his
nose?"
"His lips, of course," said I, starting
for the train, which had arrived in the
station, and was on tlie point of starting.
"No, sh'," she replied, "that wart
does."
As I took hold of the door-knob the
woman shouted:
. .."■ Shall I marry him or not?"
"I do not dare to advise you upon so
delicate a subject," I replied, as the train
moved off.
_ Seeing that all of the passengers were
looking at me, I droi^ped into the first
seat that I could find, and did not speak
again for half an hour.-—Danbury News.
A German naturalist who has made a
special investigation of phosphoresence
of the Bea, has discovered that tlie phenomenon occurs whenever sea fishes are
brought into three per cent, salt solution.
The luminous aspect begins in the eyes,
spreads over the whole body and increases each day. The phosporescsnt
substance is a kind of mucus, which ir
white by day and shines ia ihe darlr
so?" asked the viceroy. "See here,"
answered the Bajah; "this begins with
'Hunting the Orang-outang,' does it not?
And now turn over the page, and here
you have the 'History of Mary Stuart.'"
The Viceroy laughed. He perceived
that the Eajah had attempted to read
the book through without cutting the
leaves. He accordingly took from his
table a beautiful ivory paper cutter, explained its use to his visitor, and made
him a present of it. The Eajah was puzzled as to how the leaves of books could
be printed before they were citt open,
but this was also explained to him. About
a year after this occurrence the Viceroy
saw a gay company entering the court,
and in the center of it the Eajah seated on
a young elephant. No sooner did the Eajah see the Viceroy than he cried: "Do
you happen to have an uncut copy of
Beview 9 11 so, please
The Viceroy threw out
It was caught by the
placed it between his
wrought into
even  including
mewlVi >
an it vr.
kim £-.
mewl5;;
"Bed'- '■-
coati-, .".
IBUISlSo
-Dlgi
the Edinburg
toss it to me."
the magazine,
elephant, who
tusks, which had been
elegant paper cutters,
carved handles, and quickly cut open
the leaves, after which the knowing animal passed the Review back to the surprised Viceroy, The Eajah then dismounted, and said to the Viceroy, as he
pointed to the elephant: "He is yours.
I return you your paper cutter, alive."
A §treef»C&i? Seen©.,
An amusing incident occurred on d
street-car the other day. A woman of
fifty, made up to look about twenty-five
years old, got aboard at a crossing to
find every seat occupied. She stood for
a moment, and then selecting a poorly-
dressed man, about forty-five years of
age, she observed:
"Are there no gentlemen in this car?"
"Indeed, I dunno," he replied, as ho
looked up and down. "If there ain't,
and you are going clear through, I'U
hunt up one for you at the end of the
line."
There was an embarrassing silence for
a moment, and then a light broke in on
him all of a sudden, and he arose and
said:
"You can have this seat, madam. I
am alius willing to stand up and give
my seat to anybody older than myself."
That decided her. She gave him a
look which h© will' not forget to his
dying day, and, grabbing, the strap, she
refused to sit down, even when five seats
had become vacant.—New York Herald.
litil, and tie it round the .wart,
i>d ejyme off in two days. .-Dea-
iila. ^rolled the_ heir. outen the
\zX Boatoi: njiimson ses tliat
'rrath xxrft ba'able to pass the
"r> ?•"?: Arj? £~ro xreoko* .Me |
VV <■-■-: - 'ltr', hci'yf ^w r,i Zr i i
stum nfi ck iind iell^ih a was^nesiT "~""
ger'n a door mat.
Dad tole Widder Spriggs that he
would rather work in a powder facktery
than fool with a mewl's tail. Dad nas
handled mewls. He ses that a mewl and
a savings bank won't do to trust no way
you can fix it; that a mewl will let you
ride him thirty years to git a chance to fall
off a bridge with you. Never let a mewl
with lots of white in nis eyes point his
tail afc your head. Dad ses it ain't safe,
an' won't miss its aim once in a thousand. The best way to hitch a mewl in
a waggin is to hire a nigger. A mewl
has to git up an' dust to git away with a
nigger. They are kin, somehow. The
Missurymewl is an Amerikin institu-
shun, but the Spanish mewl kin teler-
skope his hine legs an' is a perferk tor-
naderwhenhe gits mad. You kin tame
the mild Bengoil tiger, but keep away
from the Spanish mewl.
The gote is next to the  mewl for
meanness, an' the mewl can't be beat.
Neves lamgh at an indecent j©s&
Nojsrs but afoolis always right.
He that sips maaiy arts, drinks nono*
WffjtiHOiib hot ""the wages of the poog.
To fear the wors% oft cures, the iromH
Soils perspns mistake noise for $rga-
ment.       -       .      » .- .   A
They that govern,, most mask© l®mi
noise.
He who too much fears hatred is uhiiS
to rule.
Bxjmob doth double, like the yoica and
echo.
Msdiogeept deals much m relating
stories.
• Chaems strike th© sight, but merit wano
the soul. ■*'■-,
Ekvx shooteth at others and wounci-
eth herself. '      ■■»
"They Say," is often proved to "baa
great liar.
Better face a danger once thaa be si*
ways in fear.
SiaGHi small injurieSi and they'll become none at alL
He who foresees calamities sufem
them twice over.
TfiouoHT is the poetry of those only
who can entertain it.
SrMPEBiKG and boisterous mirth ssq
alike disagreeable.
Fortune's favorites, lik© cats, lighi
forever on their legs. ■
The young will sow theirwild oats; bu6
prevent it, if possible.
A eooii always finds one still mom
foolish tb admire him.     •
' The greatest truths are the simplest;
so are tile jgreatest men.
Lei not the stream of your Hfe alwayo
be a murmuring stream. V
A straight line is the shortest ih "Saos-
als as weE as geometry.
' Poijeceness is the just medium b©»
tween form and rudeness..
Neveb be offended at the presentatio®
of a bffi; that is business.
The more honesty a man has, the lesa
he affects the air of a saint.
Thebe are always two sides to a story;
hear both, and then decide.      '■■'..
Hope is the dreeam of a waking imsa;.
if hope be lost, all seems lost.
4An honest man is able to opesk fe
himself, when a Itnave is not.
BoHBowEsra money is a bad habit; o&ci
borrowing trouble is xo better.
3*5}' "ttIio tr_r
of coffee "which as nectar as'comps
with the muddy and acrid .mixtures
which are sold as. coffee in London sa€
Berlin. In the Parisian cafes two mess-.
ures are in vogue—the demi tassss
served in a cup, and the mazagrttsii
served in a long glass said stirred tti>
with a long spoon as slender and graceful as the body of Sarah Bernhardt!
You will find in some vocabularies foi?
the use of the foreigner that the name
mazagran is only applied to Cold coffee.
This is an err o^, like that of imagining
that a glass holds'-more 'than a cup.'
'"  flie Seerot pf
The secret of good manners is to forget ohe's own self altogether. The peo
pie of really fine breeding are the ones
who never think oi themselves,, but only
of- the pleasure they can.- giwio othem,
No adornment ^beauty, m Ieammgs ot
accomplishments- goes so faar iit, Its
power to attract ssth© one gift:* of spa-
pathy.
In all French hfeferyao^osasaMU'
a stronger 1aseinatioafm^^f'Sz- $km®'
within herreach thmMadameK-eccmlsSs.
She was called beautiM; but her .portraits prove that her beautrf'iyes 'ast to'
be compared with that"-ox mmj less-**
charming women. AnB. vhen -every attraction of person had Ipag sine© paageS
away, and she was anoi^cftdwosiGHL,
her sway over the heaits o£ pthesrs -wes
as powerful as ever. Wliat-^s^ &eg £©**
cret"? •    '
. It was this otte thiag solely—ies? geji«'
uine and unaffected interest in the gooS
and ill fortunes of her Mends. AuthoES
came to her aud read her their books;
pai&ters came toher with their pictures |
statesmen with their - prefects." Bh©?
herself, wrote no books* .painted...mo
pictures, had no projects. She- "was
sweet, simply and unconsciously, as &
rose is sweet. She seaEy cared loathe
happiness' and success of others,, mA
they felt ihe genuineness of hersympaA
thy. It surrounded her with m, immortal charm.
Let anyjgM try Madame Beeafflie/o-
experiment. Let her go into soe|s§*
thinking nothing of the admiration s&s
may win-; but evei^ihiiig oi the- Imppi""
ness she can confer. It matt-ega MS©
whether her face is .beautiful;, <m Jbse
tolette costly. Before the m.& ojc tees
months she will be ahappygMl^rB^i
for the world likes siinsfiine and s^m^Sr
thy, and turns to then& aa &q fiowesa-
bask ia the sisa o"2 s*%ue^ '"•, : /  ■
•7-,--,*
Vrclossnot'xrcrA
^riS^-S--^,^;-.^ '<- •
■-zxrLZ.rvxr
Boys as Mechanics,,
Almost all boys are naturally mechanics. .The constructive and imitative faculties are developed, in part, at a vesy
early age. All boys are not capable of
being developed into good, practical
working mechanics, but most of them
show their bent that way. There are
few cases in which the boy has no competent idea of the production of a fabricated result from inorganic material,
Animal Life Here ani Hereafter,
A lively writer propounds and answers
a question thus: "Who says animals do
not have a future existence? Look at
the chicken, for instance, who dies and is
cooked, but his feathers on a Jady's hat
become,a bird of paradise." Aside from
the humor of the foregoing, there comes
a.question: Why should man arrogate
to himself the sole right to live hereafter,
while all the animal kingdom is to be utterly blotted out of existence? Animals
have mind of a certain order, and many
human ways, such as exhibiting their
love, hate, belligerency, fear, disgust,
and tendencies to fun. That delicate and
exquisitely organized little songster who
sprung from the warm clime of the Canaries, evinces intelligence of no mean order, and it is one of the certainties that
its fair owner, with her sympathetic nature, does not believe in the annihilation
of her pet. Human beings kill and devour animals and generally think no
more of them. Yet these animals have
the same fear of death and the same love
of life as man, and upon that very fear
and love in man is based his hope of
another life. It is now generally agreed
that what has been called instinct in "animals is mind, for many of them seem to
reason from cause to effect in providing
for themselves and their young, and protecting the lives of each from assault.
Naturalists are beginning to have some
new ideas of criminal existence, and some
of them think that when the Creator endows anything with active animal life He
does not mean that it shall be utterly destroyed.—Exchange.
"Wasted*. Opportunities,,
"Do you not look back into the dim
vista of by-gone years with a feeling ol
regret at wasted opportunities that cause
a tugging at the heart-strings?" Tiig-
ging's no name for it. We had a chance
once in the army to make ■ a fortune on
mules by putting our names to a false
certificate, and we declined lo do it. The
man who proposed the mulish scheme
now owns an orange grove, two blocks, a
fast horse and a steam yacht. This was
a real tug-of-war.—Baltimore Bulletin.
Characters never change; oprniolM
alter; characters are only developed. <
Imaginaey evils soon become real oiies
by indulging our reflections on them.
DrFEiCDiiTiBS between step-mothera
and children are often aggravated by outsiders.
Crafty men contemn studies, simpla
men admire them, and wise men us@
them.
The conditions of success are three—
•first, work; second, concentration; third,
fitness.
Make a conscience of promptly returning borrowed books, and umbrellas,
especially.
Ebeends should not be purchased with
gifts; when you cease to give then-friendship will cease.
There are many men whose tongues
might govern multitudes if they could
govern their tongues.
True politeness consists in doing ta
others what, in like circumstances, we
would have others do to us.
The government of a nation demando
a certain harmony like music, and certaia
proportions like architecture.
Commending a right thing is a cheap
substitute for doing it, and with this we
are top apt to satisfy ourselves.
We blame inconstancy in woman, but
only when we are the victim. We find
it charming if we are the object.
There are some persons on whom
their faults sit well, and others who are
made ungraceful by their good qualities.
He who has no taste for order will be
often wrong in his judgment and seldom
considerate or conscientious in his actions.
Those who, without knowing us, think
or speak evil of us, do no harm; it is not
us they attack, but the phantom of their
own imagination.
The nice arrangement and proper appropriation of time is a science almost as
valuable as any of the seven, and as important to acquire.
Strength of resolution is, in itself,
domination and ability; and there is a
seed of sovereignty in the barrenness of
unflinching determination.
jFrench Brinks,,
In the cafes the Parisians drink beer,
which chemical analysis-shows tobe bad
and made with anything rather tban
malt and hops. It is true that you can
have English, Elemish and Viennese
beer, but, as a rule, the drink of a country is only good in that country, unless
it be wine, and many exquisite wines
will not bear transportation. Absinthe
is very much drunk, insomuch that the
heure de V absinthe has won for itself a
place among the twenty-four hours of a
Parisian day. But the absinthe that
you find in most cafes is adulterated and
oxidized; the vermouth; too, is falsified,
and the liquors are often "doctored."
Wine, as we have seen, is not drunk in
public by respectable people. The
Erench drink, par excellence, and the
Parisif.n drink, par essence, is coffee;
that slow poison -which supported the
old age of Voltaire, and which did not
prevent Eontenelle from becoming a centenarian. In no country in Europe, ex-
cpet Turkey, is coffee "so well roasted
,( ^ Ciyilfeed mm cdast&ea Izb ' c5?
3t--*3«*v :'AltlArA' riyAZ-± v=i' A-'A"-"^-s~^iJ
chosen" article? bi*'*BtmSi^^e^P'"-l&ltfw
why? It is hi the way at church. How
many men ^nave had their feelings divided between their worship and the silk
hatttg^r the seat, the world will neve?
Kaffw. Place it anywhere, it is in danger. ^ We have known men to carefully
put it ii^, the aisle, only to be caught up
by the train of a fashionable dress, and
thus dozens of hats. have been spoiled
beyond repair. Others - have placed
theirs in the furthermost corner, beyond
the reach of supposed danger. Alas!
their expectations were, doomed to disappointment. The under corner of a seat
is the most favorite place of deposit, but
so eager have men been to put it there
that tiie first hat placed in that corner
has been crushed out of all recognizable
shape. To put it on a seat is even wors©
folly, because it is sacrificed to the
crushing dignity of the ° first lady who
enters the pew. She has no regard for
either the hat or its wearer. Some have
tried to hang it on a peg under the book-
rests, and when thought has become attracted to tke service of the hour, some
fair one, in her careless haste to get her
hymn-book, upsets the row and down
tumble the hats. Each gentleman grabs
for his property at th© same time, and
the result is a knocking of heads, a scattering of hats—and, we fear, a commingling of mild invective. For those
who wish to maintain a worshipful state
of mind, the sbft felt hat, however undignified in appearance, is preferable to
its aristocratic brother.
Tliomgit It Was a MougGo
The Newburyport (Mass.) Herald io<
lates the following incident: A shorij
time since an elderly lady of this cit$
startled the household with a piercing
shriek and the information that there wafl
a mouse in her pocket. Some one rushei
to her rescue, hastily assisted her to diveij
herself of her wrapper, firmly grasping
the mouth of the pocket to prevent the
escape of the dangerous animal. Tha
garment was then turned ©ver to the maa
of the house, and he, armed with a club,
proceeded to the back yard to dispatch
the offender. The pocket was opened
gradually, but no mouse appeared. Einal-
!y, gaining courage, he ventured to investigate, and found the cause of all tiie
excitement to be a xsocket tape measure,
from whieh the spring had become do*
tached and had unwound with a whirr.
A OHrDD seeing a Dili on a telegraph    _ ., ,
post—" Oh, mamma, look I   A message   ground and brewed as in Erance, and in
has fallen off the line." * the commonest cafes you wUl get a cup 1
Had Such Pretty Ways With Ser0
"She had such pretty ways with her."
That was the reason an honest, hardworking man gave for marrying a girl of
whom he knew httle else, but who was
really a professional bigamist, traveling
about the country and marrying husband after husband as a matter of speculation.
It is the "pretty ways" cf womaa
which has ruined many a man of every
age, including the greatest of Generals,
statesmen and philosophers.
If the "pretty ways" come from the
heart it is all right. If they are th©
result of cold, selfish, calculating art,
woe is to him who falls their victim.
Nothing is truer than that women are
both better and worse than men. A man
could hardly be so bad as a woman is
when she puts on the prettiest ways oi!
her sex for mischief.