1881-06-25; Clare County Press

              .*    "- V
VOLUME III.
A FABLE!.
bt ella vtraxtisn.
gome cawing Crows, a hooting OwL
X Hawk, a Canary, an old Marsh-Fowl,
One day all met together,
To hold a caucus and Bettie tho fate
OX a contain bird (without a mate),
A bird of anothor feather.
, - *
u My friends,'" said the Owl, -with »lookmort wiae,
41 The Eagle la soaring too near the bUob,
Jn a way that lis quite improper;
Tetthe world Ib praising hor, so I'm told,
And I think her actions havo grown so bold
That eome of ua ought ^o atop her."
"Ihave hoard It said," quoth Hawk, with a nigh,
44 That young lambs died at the glaneo of her eye,
.    And I wholly scorn and despise her.
This, and moro, I am told thoy say—
Aad I think that tho only proper way
i      l« never to recognize her."
411 am quito convinced," said Crow, with a caw,
44 That the Eaglo minds no moral law—
Sho's a most unruly creature."
44 She's an ugly tiling," piped Canary-Bird;
44 Bomo call her handsome—It's so absurd—
She haBii't a decent feuturo.''
Then the old Marsh-Hen went hopping about.
Sho said she was suro—'he hadn't a doubt—
Of the truth of each bird's story;
And sbe thought it a duty to stop her flight,
To pull hor down from her lofty height
And take the gilt from her glory.
But, lol from a peak on the mountain grand
TbatlookB out over the smiling land
And over tho mighty ocean,
Tho Eaglo Ib spreading her splendid wings—
Bhe rites, rises, and upward swings,
With a slaw, majestic motion.
Tip in tho bluo of God's own skies,
With a cry of rapture, away she flies,
Close to tho Great Eternal;
She sweeps the world with her pierolng sight—
Her Boul Ib filled with tho Infinite
And the joy of things supernal.
Thus rise forever the chosen of God,
The genins-orowned or the power-shod,
Over the dust-world sailing;
And back, like splinters blown by th* winds,
Must fall tho missiles of silly minds,
Useless and unavailing.
Rolf's Rescue,
Bolf was a collie. There was nothing
remarkable about bis appearance. He
was a handsome animal, certainly, but I
have seen handsomer. He was simply
a purely-bred, good-sized, well-formed,
black-ond-tan shepherd dog. Bnt, although I have had a long and extensivo
acquaintance with dogs of various breeds,
it has never been my fortune to know
one that could match Bolf in keenness
and breadth of sagacity and in versatility
of acquirements. He became my proporty when we were both very young; he,
a fat, unshapely little pup, just able to
lick milk on his own account; I, a boy
of 14. I was proud- of Rolf and soon
£ot to bo very fond Of Mm; andhe speedily attached Mmself to me and acknowl-
^^■^K^^^^d^8^-^^^ .-Me were
$
like my shadow, and we soon came thoroughly to understand each other. Ihave
always been excessively fond of boating,
fishing and shooting; and, in the Shetland archipelago—in one of the islands
of which, close by the sea, we lived—I
had amplo scope and freedom to indulge
in sueh pastimes.
Rolf was a present from my father. I
began his education almost immediately,
and he soon showed himself endowed
with rare intelligence. He speedily became as fond of sport as his master. I
had him under thorough command, and
in a very short time he came to understand and obey my slightest wish. To
please me was evidently his greatest
pleasure; to win my approval and caress,
His greatest ambition ; and to live with
me and for me he seemed to regard as a
final cause of his existence. I encouraged him to swim, and no spaniel was
•ver a better water-dog. He was pointer,
retriever, friend and companion all in
one. Once I had winged a duck of a
rare species flying over a small lake.
Rolf plunged in in pursuit; but as often
as ho was about to seize tha prey the
duck dived. Time after timo tMs Was
repeated. My last percussion cap was
expended, and I was, therefore, terribly
mortified at my helplessness. Nothing
for it but to trudge home several miles
for a fresh supply; so, ordering Rolf
ashore, I left him in charge of my gun
and shot-bag till my return. I knew lie
would not leave the gun, and I was
pretty sure the duck would not dare to
leave the protection of the water while
the dog was so near. •
On my way, it occurred to me hov/
much more convenient it would have
been if I could have sent Bolf home for
the caps. It might often be useful to
be able to send him home with a message; and I forthwith resolved to add another accomplishment to the many he
had already acquired. I began with
short distances—only a few hundred
yards—ordering hini to go "home,
home" (repeating the word "home").
In a short time he perfectly understood
my meaning; and, after aiittle while, I was
wont to send him mirnv miles home with
some indifferent message, written on a
piece of paper and tied to his collar,
mst for practice; but occasionally 1
found it a most useful acquirement.
Those at home were instructed to be
sure, when he appeared with my message,
to pet and praise him, and send him
back with a reply of some sort, a note
or small parcel, and instruct him to go
to his "master." I was amazed and delighted at hi3 quickness of comprehension and readiness to obey. TeacMng
bim was tho easiest thing in the world.
My order, conveyed in the invariable
stereotyped formida, "Home, Bolf,
home, quick!" in a very short time
came to be instantly and cheerfully
obeyed; and then the return order, "To
your master, Bolf," with at least equal
alacrity. I little thought that a day
would come when I should owe my life
to Rolf's faithfulness as my messenger.
Our house, which was on a large
island, was situated at the head of a fine
bay or fiord, wMch ran inland some
three miles. Bight across the mouth of
the bay tliere stretched i jfrnall narrow
island,' wMch formed a cotnplete natural
breakwater, and effeotunlly protected
the bay itself from the toff pf th? oc$an
waves. Barelyhalf a mile separated the
two islands at the nearest points. The
smaller island was uninhabited, except
by a few sheep and multitudes of rabbits. One fine autumn day I embarked
in my Uttle pleasure boat, and sailed
down the bay to the little island to shoot
rabbits, Bolf my only companion. Near
the extreme point of the island, and just
before landing, I caught sight of a great
Northern diver swimming along shore.
It had never been my good fortune to
shoot one of these magnificent birds,
and Iwas anxious to secure a speoimen;
so I at once gave chase. It is useless to
fire at nny of the divers when swimming,
unless they aro very near, for they are
certain to "dive on tho fire," as the
phrase goes ; it is a trick they all have.
This particular bird was an old and
wary fellow, and for a long time I could
not get within range. He would appear
for an instant just a few yards too far
off, and then dive, while I continued the
pursuit in tho same direction. I was in
tMs way beguiled a considerable distance round the seaward coast of the
island, wMch is formed of steep precipices, detached rocks or stacks, skerries
and sunken rocks. At lost I got a fair
chance, and, to my great joy, bagged
tlio diver.
As by this time I was fully half-way
round the island, and the light wind,
which was off shore, was slightly on the
quarter, and the sea perfectly smooth, I
kept saving on with the intention of
circumnavigating it. Gliding Bmoothly
and silently along, and just as I waa
passing a small rock called Skarta Skerry, I caught sight of an otter on its top
busily engaged in discussing Ms dinner.
Ife was within easy range, and to snatch
my fowling-piece and give him the contents of the right barrel was the work of
an instant. He was wounded, but not
killed, so I gave Mm the coup de grace
from the second barrel. Luffing up I
ran my boat along the skerry. Seizing
the diminutive kedgo attached to the
end of the long rope whicli served as a
painter, I sprang on shore, giving the
skiff a little shove off, to prevent her
rubbing against the sharp and limpet-
covered rock. With sails flapping in the
light breeze, she fell off to leeward. I
fixed tlie kedge in a little crevice ; but,
turning to see that the boat was swinging clear and safe, to my horror I observed the other end of the rope running .
over the bows and dropping into the sea.
In some way never accounted for, but
most probably by some idle, meddling
hand, it had been unloosed from the ringbolt, and in my hurry and excitement I
had not observed it. My boat was adrift,
and I was aJprisoner.. In an instant I
Itwas low water at the time, but the
tide had already turned, the flood was
coming in, and at Mgh water the low-
lying rocks of Skarta Skerry, I was well
aware, would be covered some feet Had
I been a good swimmer, I should doubtless instantly have stripped and swam to
and regained my boat, or at any rate
coidd easily enough have reached the
smaller island, or evon our own larger
one; but, unfortunately, at that time I
could not swim at all. Tlie Skarta Skerry was barely fifty yards from a steep,
smooth precipice of several hundred feet
in height, and the nearest landing-place,
in a little creek where the shore was
sloping, was at least 150 yards distant.
To me, in the circumstances, tMs was an
impassable gulf.
I sat down and tried to think. For a
fow terrible moments no hope of rescue
or means of escape presented itself to
my mind. I dare say some audible expressions of despair burst from me, for
I was roused by Rolf laying his paw on
my knee and looking up wistfully in my
face, as if to inquire what was wrong.
"Ah! Rolf," Icried; "yomcanreachthe
shore and are safe enough; but your
master will perish miserably. What
will they tMnk at homo ?" His quick
ear caught the word home, and wss instantly on the alert aa if for orders, and
even ran to the water's edge with an
eager whine, which expressed, as plainly as words eould have done: "Send
me." In my first excitement I had not
thought of this before ; and even now,
when there really seemed a gleam of
hope in it, the thought of parting with
my companion and being left alone on
that terrible rock was dreadful. But
what else waB there that coidd be done?
"Yon are right, Bolf," I said. "Itis
my only chance, and yon shall go." I
tore a leaf from my pocketbook and
wrote: "I am on the Skarta Skerry—
boat adrift. Send help instantly, or it
will be too late." Hastily, but securely, I wrapped my missive in my handkercMef, which I tied firmly to Rolf's
collar, all the time saying to the intelligent creature : "You must go home
with this, Bolf, home. Now, Bolf, will
you be sure to take my message home,
and qmck ?" He was already at the
water's edge. "Come here, Rolf," I
cried. He rushed back to my arms.
For an instant I hesitated, and tried to
think. "Yes," I said; "it must be so;
it is my only chance. Rolf, Rolf, your
master is in sore straits; his life depends upon you. Brave dog, good dog!
Now. home. Rolf—home, and qMck f"
Two bounds, an impatient liark, as
though he meant to assure me he knew
it was a case of life and death, a plunge,
and Bolf was cleaving the water toward
the nearest shore. I sat still and silent
on my dismal perch, and watched his
rapid progress. I saw him approach
and gain the rocky shore. I saw him
shake himself hastily. I saw him scramble up amongthebowlders, up the sloping
path at the head of the creek, and reach
the brow of the cliff. For an instant I
saw him clear against the sky, and then
he disappeared. He had never paused
"or looked back. And now I felt indeed
alone and miserable beyond description.
A depression of spirit weighed me down.
It happened long ago, and yet I well remember my thoughts and feelings and ,
fanewp as thongh it had beon yesterday.
They were too deep and intense to be
other than graven on memory as with a
pen of iron.
Scarcely had Bolf passod beyond, recall when it occurred to me that it might,
have been a better plan to-haye tied a
strand of rope to Ms collar and my own
wrist and made him tow me on shore.
He could have done it, and I might have
reached the rocks alive. Why did I not
think of this sooner? But it was too
late now, and I feared I shoidd certainly
perish miserably. Then I wished tlie
end were come. Whon it did como it
would be only a brief struggle But to
be doomed to sit tbsre and tMnk, and
watch the rising tide for two or three
long hours, hope and despair alternately
fossessing me—it would drive mo mad,
said to myself. But I resolutely thrust
from me tho ghastly picture vhioh fancy
conjured np, and tried, as calmly as I
was able, to calculate the chances for
and againBt a rescue.
Everything depended npon Bolf. On
all previous occasions when I had sent
him home with messages he had only at
most a few miles of Mil or moor to traverse. But now he had to cross the
smaller island, then cross the sound—
nearly half a mile in width, as I have
said—and still he was three miles from
home. I knew there were many things
that might distract, deter or detain Mm,
and a very short detention would be certain death to me. Suppose Bolf started
a rabbit on the way, might he not forget Ms errand and pursue? Thon another terrible fear took possession of me.
Bolf always rolled and rubbed Mmself
on the grass when he came out of tho
water. What if my handkerchief got
detached and was lost? What if my pencil-scrawl, soaked with water, became
unreadable? But even should nono of
theso things happen, woidd Bolf be noticed as soon as he reached home? It
would need to be as soon. Men, I
knew, could not bo got at a moment's
notice; they must be sont for from some
little distance; and, after manning the
nearest and handiest boat, fully four
miles of sea must be traversed ere help
could reach me. And there was now
left but the slenderest margin for possible delay. The flood-tide had been running for an hour. In three hours at
most tlie skerry would be covered. What
should I do? I well remember tho lines
kept recurring to me again and again;.
Amid his senses' giddy wheel,
Did he not desperate Impulse feel
Headlong to plunge himself below, £*
And meet the worst his fears foreshow?- J*.
Itwas not a dream •'with, ine, bufc,atefci
pulse became well-nigh overmastering."
I fought against it with all tho strength
I could command. Would it not be
cowardice? Would it not be suicide? I
would not listen to the temptation; I
woidd not think of it, not while there
was a gleam of hope, not whilo reason
remained, not at least till the water had
risen to my feet. I was no coward. I
had often been in positions of -utmost
peril, when coolness of head, readiness
of resource or promptitude of action had
carried me through; and I rather prided
myself on my presence of mind in circumstances of difficulty or danger. I
had once been driven far out to sea in a
storm. On another occasion my boat
had been swamped. I had lost my way
in a snow-storm. I had once b^een condemned to spend thirty-six long hours
of tempest and snow and sleet in the
dead of wmter on an unmhabitable island, when no boat could possibly come
with help. But in these other cases of
emergency I had never lost coolness or
courage or hope, for thero was always
something to do, something that coidd
be done. Thero was the need and the
demand for action of some sort. But
here it was very different. Sitting on
tMs terrible rock, periorco so utterly
passive and powerless, with nothing that
I could do, and littlo of promise to hope
for—tho thought and suspense and anticipation were torturing.
I well remember the horrible fascination of watching the water rising inch
by inch, creeping, with a cruel, Blow
persistency, higher and higher every
moment. I remember thinking of the
martyr maiden—
Margaret, virgin daughter of the Ocean wave—
bound to a stake, and left to perish by
the flowing tide. This and other dismal
pictures would, spite of all my efforts,
force themselves upon my mind. It was
the very Valley of the Shadow of Death
through which I was passing. Then
thoughts and memories of another kind
—of the home and friends I should never
see more—thoughts, too, of a more
solemn kind, bearing upon the future
wMch comes after death—reflections,
retrospections, regrets, hopes, prayers,
came thick and fast. Anon my reverie
was interrupted. As I sat there, silent
and motionless as the rock itself, a cormorant rose from beneath the water
close by, and made for the Skerry, with
the evident intention of coming to rest
upon it. Catching sight of me when
only a few feet off, he instantly dived
with a splash. How I envied him! He
was at home in the water, and I—oh,
fool, fool, to have neglected tho art of
swimming!
Thus two and a half long hours slipped
past; long they seemed—almost a lifetime—and yet all too short. The tide
was rapidly rising. Only a small space
of the topmost pomt of the rock now remained above the water, and still there
was no indication of rescue; Not a
Bound was to be heard but the ripple and
plash of the water, or the wild scream of
the sea-gulls overhead. H all had gone
well with Rolf, and he had been expeditious, it was fully time—it was something more than time—that succor
should have come. Bolf had not returned to me, wMch I was sure he would
have done if he had not carried the mes-
Jspme. That was libyr thet only
ertliread lo "wMch |ast*-fading hope
Uslfnjg;, Aiidthu&anothter miserable, f
i«ji»g half-hour passed; .Mid noW. the'
^' waS' waShiiig my very feet, and
a» enough rock fpr a cormorant to
h'oa, was left uncovered. I sprung
iv^eefc. with-a despairing groan. I
ked at lhe cmel sea, the black frown-"
locks, the bright sun, and blue sky.
h, horrible)' Will no help come?
st I thus miserably die ?—4io yonng
Id strong too 1 Ah, Bolf f you have
ifcj me in my need !"
/|But Bolf had not failed me. Stand-
hjfc, there, with strained senses and
'trarating breast, jnst then I seemed to
lieai? a sound different from the mpnoto-
TJjjSTia piash, plash oi the waters aronnd
iRJ,., Was it the sound of oars, or was it
•o'PX lancy? I held my breath and
TflSteped.. -Again that sound I Joy, joy 1
[P&new it well—the stroka ol oars, reg-
■u2£*but more rapid' than 'ususl-rr-quick,
'epi'msk, like those wlio pulled for very
' -'&/ as indeed they did, Loudly, wild-
Judf mad, I shouted my welcome,
therrnuiuto, and round the point,
itcely 4fifty yards from my peroh,
tfpt a hght four-oared boat, urged on
tb itmost epeed by four stalwart fellows,
-j*© knew too well the need thore was
w it all, and bent to their work with a
Sw; while high in the l?ow. like a fig-
t^b-head, -with paws on tiie gunwale,,
mra ereibt, and trembling all over with
.V&itement, the first Eight that caught
Off eyo -was my noble, faithful Bolf 1 I
&■£- done him injustice when, for a
jAKfencnt, I thought he had failed me;
Ijfid my beart smote me. The instant
Is*j»aw me he sprung with a joyful bark
fir, ahead, and swam to me. I took him
Tpi^jpy arms all dripping .as he waa. I
^-jjs saved", and to him "I owed my" life !
"T61 his the cause of the delay wMch
ptd eo nearly made' tho rescue' como too.
Ute. He had carried my message safely
tmrtSkA swiftly home. But, notwithstanding
all hafete was made, it took a con-
able time before a crew ot men
ooftkl be collected.       r„    '_■■
A Jfy darling, Rolf lived to -a goo& 614
jfc1   He has-long passed away to -tha;!
[J*j>py Hunting-grounds'."   Sinco thos^
%jn»r,of my yontli ho has had'seVeral
wysupTBf butneVer one to equal 'him
^ jBtellig'encB.and fidelity, never one I
lwjjjfl »o well, and never one that so well
df4*rt*d to beloved and ohorishod.
"" ajtidl only add that, after that day's
'We experience, I lost no timo in
"it  Iwyond. possibility that  I
ever again encounter a likemia-
y for I soap W^une an expert swim-
', and foutid myself as much at home"
liovr to urcss xne Chllurcn.
The capacity of onr ancestors to accommodate themselves to every climate
depended not only on their physiological
faculty of adaptation, but also on their
skill in protecting themselves by artificial means from the mclemency of tho
higher latitudes. Houses and clothes
are a blessing if they answer this purpose by a close imitation of nature's own
plan in sheltering her children from atmospheric vicissitudes, but in degree as
they deviate from that plan their hygi-
onic disadvantages balanco, or even outweigh, tho gain in other respects. A
swallow's nest protects her brood from
cold and rain without debarring them
from the fresh air ; a human domicile,
too, should combine, comfort with the
advantage of perfect ventilation, and our
clothes, like the fur of a sqmrrel or the
feather-mantle of a hawk, should keep
us warm and dry without interfering
with tho cutaneous excretions and the
free movement of our limbs.
Measured by these standards, the winter dress of an American schoolboy is
nearly tho best, the summer dress of tho
average American, French, and German
nursling about the worst that could be
devised. At an age when the rapid development of the whole organism requires tho utmost freedom of movement,
our children aro kept in the fetters of
garments that check the activity of the
body in every way; swaddling-clothes,
undershirts, overshirts, neck-wrappers,
trailing gowns, garnitures, flounces and
shawls reduce the helpless homunculns
to a bundle of dry goods, unablo to move
or turn, mcapable of relieving or intimating its uneasiness in any way save
by the use of its squealing apparatus,
and consequently squealing violently
from morning till night. Outdoors, in
tho baby carriage, "cold draughts"
havo to be guarded against, and a load
of extra wrappers completely counteract
the benefit of the fresh air ; faint with
nausea and suffocating heat, the little
dummy lies motionless on its back, resplendent in its white surplice, a fit
candidate for the honors of a life whose
every movement of a natural impulse
will be suppressed as a revival of barbarism, and an insurrection against the
statutes of an orthodox community.
Hence, in a great degree, the disproportionate mortality in all northern countries of Christendom among infants
under 2 years. In Spanish America,
where infantile diseases are as rare as in
Hindoostan, babies of all classes and
sizes toddle about naked, nearly the
year round; and tho Indians of the
Tamaulipas, between Tampico and Matamoras, raise an astonishing number of
brown bantlings who are never troubled
with clothes till they are big enough to
carry garden-stuff to the city, where the
police enforces the apron regulation,—
Popular Science Monthly/or June.
The Dasna canal, for connecting the
Ganges and Agra canals, India, extends,
including branches, to 626 miles in
length, the distributory channels being
8,538 miles over all, and the area to be
irrigated covers up to the present 1,182,-
330 acres. This great work was commenced about forty years ago, and is
now nearly completed.
Some Very'-RcmarieaMe Cases.
The London Lancet observes that tho
vagaries of needles which hayo'been introduced in the body, and have escaped
immediate remoykl, have -in all ages attracted the attention of collectors of the
marvelous in medicine. Hildanua related an instance of a woman who swallowed several pins and passed them six
years afterward; but a moro remarkable
instance of ^prolonged detention was recorded by Stephenson, .of Detroit—•
that of a lady, aged 75, who passed
by the urethra, after some months'
symptoms of vesical irritation, a pin
wMch sho had swallowed while picking
her teeth with it in the year 1835—forty-
two years previously. Occasional pidn
in tho throat was the immediate symptom, bnt in 1845 she was seized with
severe gastric pain, which passed away,
and she had no symptoms until hematuria in 1870. .This curious tolerance of
such ioreign bodies exhibited by the
tissues is often observed in lunatic asylums. M. JSilvy recorded some years ago
the case of a woman who had a penchant
for pins and needles bo strong that she
made them, in effect, part of her daily
diet, and after her death 1,400 or 1,500
were removed from various parts of the
body. -  «    .    -
Another case almost as striking hfts
been recorded by Gillette—that of a
girl in whom, from time to time, needles
Wero found beneath the skin, which they •
perforated, and ,were removed -by the
lingers or forceps. XJonoejmng ijhe way
in wMch they had got' into her system
no information ooiild be exbfactecLfrom
hor. She was carefully watered,,and in.,
the course of eighteen months riq less
than "320 needles w^ro extracted, all
beingof thesiimo size. Most.Were black
and oxidized;- but some had retained
their polish. Tlie majority were unbroken. Thoy passed out of yarious
parts of tlie body'above the diaphragm
at regular intervals; but in a sort -of
series arid always in 'the same direction,
The largest number whi&h-.escaped in a
6ingle; day was sixty-one. A curious
phenomenon preceded the escape, of
each needle. For Bomo hours the pain
was severe, and there was considerable
fevor. Hhe Uien felt a sharp pain, like,
lightning in the .tissues, and on looking
at the plri$e at wMch. tMs pain had been
folt the head Of the needle was generally found projecting. The needles invariably came out .head foremost. No
bleeding was, occasioned, and not tho
least trace of inflammation followed.
The doctoi! ix attendance extracted 318;
and
r.    ,   ... ..... .^^iMitet
rated canal. It was conjectured that
they had been swallowed with suicidal
Mtentions; but, on tho other hand, the
way in which the needles escaped in
series, and their direction with the head
outward, suggested tliat they had been
introduced through the skin.
That Uttle weight is to be attached to
the pace at wMch the needles escape, as
proof of their mode of introduction, is
evident from a case recorded by Villars
of*a girl who swallowed a largo number
of pins and needles, and, two years afterward, during a period of Mne months,
200 passed out of the hand, arm, axilla,
side of thorax, abdomen and thigh, all
on the left side. The pins, curiously,
escaped more readily and with less pain
than the needles. Many years ago a
case was recorded by Dr. Otto, of Copenhagen, in which 495 needles passed
through the skin of a hysterical girl,
who had probably swallowed them during a hysterical paroxysm; but these
all emerged in the regions below the
level of the diaphragm, and were collected in groups, which gave rise to inflammatory swellings of somo size. Ono
of these contained 100 needles. Quite
recently Dr. Bigger desdribed before
the Society of Surgery of Dublin a case
in wMch more than 300 needles were removed from the body of a woman who
died in consequence of their presence.
It is very remarkable in how few oases
the needles were the cause of death, and
how slight an interference with function
their presence and movement cause.
A Forgiving Nature.
Among Montgomery's most violent
critical assailants was B. H. Home.
After twenty-eight years' estrangement,
I had reconciled Wordsworth and Leigh
Hunt, so I resolved to try a similar experiment on Home and Montgomery.
I therefore, irithout acquainting either
with, my design, asked them both to dine
with me. Upon my arrival at my house
with Montgomery, on the evening in
question, I was privately informed by
my servants that Home was in the library. Taking Montgomery into tho room
I introduced them to each other under
the assumed names of Smith and Jones.
Excusing myself on a plea of dressing
for dinner, I left them alore. As neither
had seen the other before, they were
puzzled ; they sat for a few seconds gazing at each other in a state of pleasant
bewilderment. At last Mr. Home broke
the spell of silence by saying : " Sir,
aB I am not Mr. Smith, perhaps you are
not Mr. Jones. My name is Richard
Henry Home."
To which the other replied: "And
I am the Eev. Bobert Montgomery."
And extending his hand he added: "I
am very glad to meet you, my dear Mr.
Home."
" The devil you axe !" exclaimed Mr.
Home, grasping the proffered hand.
When I returned, in a few minutes, they
were laugMng and chatting as though
they had been friends their whole life.
They were mutually pleased with each
other, and maintained a pleasant social
intercourse from that time.
Somb of the holidays need to be consolidated. St. Valentine's day and the
1st of April would go well together.—
New Orleans Picayune.
Tins miser's little -joke—Don't give it    ■
away.   , ' '• •   *
A povT answer—What" will you have  _;
for breakfast?   Mush.
The hardest road to travel for a Russian Czar is the shell rpad,' ,' -
!   " What a beautiful thing,* py deaiy,iii.
a,rosy cheek."     "Yes,   husband, But-   .-
how great the contrast when the blneii
settles on tho nose 1"        ,             «    ■    -
"Are you mate of thia ship?", eaid » .
newly-arrived passenger  to- the   cook. *
"No, sir; I am thc man that cooks tha
mate !" said the Hibernian.
" Marie 1 what's tliat strange noise nt
the gate ?" " Cats, sir." " Cats ! Well,
when Iwas young cats didn't wear stovepipe hats and. smoke cigars." "Timea
are changed, sir."
A ornjROH deacon at Tarrytown, N. Y.,
snored so loudly that tlio sermon bad to
stop until he could be awakened. When
aroused he jumped upandsaid: "Ivote
aye !"   The ayes had it.
"How is your wife, Mr. Smith?" Says
Smith, pointing to where Ms- wife sat in
the next room at work npOri his coat;
"She's sew-sew." Mrs, Jones,  "Oh, J,    .-.,
see ; she is mending, Sure enough !"
Louis A. Godey, of Godey's Lady's
Boole, left an estate inventoried'-. »i
$221,85i. As a distinguished Frenchman said, " Let me publish the fasMpiis
of a nation, and I care not who Idsetf
money by publisMng its classics.'"
Ii is well known that certain fowls-fill
their digestive* apparatus with gravel .and -
pebbles^ wMch act aa mil lstones to "grind!
-up their food. Human beings shqnld aoi
on tMs. suggestion, and before diningisat
a Western restaurant swallow a sausage
cutter. —-Philadelphia News,
, " Whebe-would we be without women ?" asks an'OttnmWa man. Itis-hard
to determine just wMch way tliejnajorir
ty would drift, but: some men wo know
of would- be out of debt and out- of
trouble, and a good manyrnore out'at
the seat of their breeches.      *      .,:
That jolly old sea-dog, the Secretary
of the Navy, rushed into Congress one
day with, m demand for an appropriation
for sinking artesian wells on ship-board.
He explained thai it was about time onr-
navy was supplied withpnref fresVwater
at all times." He_ was removed by foroev
—San Francisco Post -..   >
A QuaSceb maiden dt, 60 accepted an
offer from a Presbyteiian eider,- and,
being remonstrated-with by a delegation
of friends ,appointed-to,^t.»|xm he*
for marrying out,of Uie meeting, sho. re--
jpHijd^-^.! LookjWfe-^to b«^w«iinj,4;,
me ; and, if the meeting don't want me
to marry ont of it, why don't tho meet-
Mg bring along its young men ?" Tho
delegation departed in silence.
"I cannot pay you this morning,"
said the customer to the milkman,
''you'll have to chalk it down." "Chalk
it" down?" stammered the milkman.
"Yes, chalk it down. Why, you look
as if you didn't know what a pieco of
chalk was." Tho milkman blushed,
and, picking up liis cans, sadly took his
whey from tho door, pondering on the
uncertainty of humanity.—Somerville
Journal.
"Hast thou no feeling
To ere mo kneeling,
My love revealing
Day after day'l"
KHZ.
" Yes, I have feeling
To see you kneeling,
Your bald head revealing.
Tako it away."
Thebe was a bright youngster named Jacl
On his dear mother's chair placed a tack;
She arose with n "Yip!"
Then grabbed the young chip
And warmed him down under his baok."
—Derrick,
A mau from one of tho rural districts
went to Washington to see the sights.
A member of the House, whose constituent he was, said, " Come np to-inc*-
row, and I will give you a seat on the
floor of tho House." " No, you don't,"
answered Jonathan j " I always manage
to have a cheer to sit on at home, and I
don't come to Washington to Bit on the
floor !"
A GaiiVeston school-teacher asked a
new boy: "If a carpenter wants to
cover a roof fifteen feet wide by thirty
broad with shingles five feet broad by
twelve long, how many shingles will he
need ?" The boy took up his hat and
slid for the door. "Where are you going?" nsked the teacher. "To find <»
carpenter. He ought to know that better than any of we fellows."   .
A nioe-iooking old lady, with a snowy
circle of lace about her head, sat in h
Wabash-avenne car, and drew up her
skirts nervously, lest the cataract of to-
bacco-jMce that was pouring from the
mouths of two loafers next her should
deluge them. " Conductor," she asked,
timidly, when he came in, "isn't it
against the rules to spit on the floor.of
the car?" "No, ma'am," replied the
gallant conductor, " spit wherever you
Eke."— Chicago Inter Ocean.
The obscure poison wMch produces
hydrophobia has been known to Uo latent in the human system for years before developing its fatal results. M.
Basteur declares the supposition to bo
well supported that the viriis does develop in certain organs, and not, as in
other similar maladies, in tho blood; and
that when—after a period variable according to circumstances—the organized
poison passes into the blood, severe
symptoms come on rapidly, and the victim soon dies. An explanation substantially the same as this had long been
advanced as a mere theory, but pow M.
Pasteur advances it as an ascertained
physiological fact.
•-—1>
_/H
The new moon has   two   horns,   and
then it gets full.
kli£ZL^
^^m^u^ati&Zt-.
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