1881-09-17; Clare County Press

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A lewspaper fm? Clare Commtjo
D. E. ALWAED, Publisher.'
V'OLtJME'ffl.
CLARE, MICHIGAN, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17,188
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M Ofo, beam my Ilf e, my awl to xno Sa
He oried, his flame addressing—
** Xf I adze such a love as yours,
I'd ask no other blessing 1"
** I am rejoist to bear you speat,"
Tbe maiden said with laugbter—
•* i'or tbo' I hammer a guileless gisl,
.     It's plain what y6u are rafter;
How, file love you gust a bit,
What farther -will you ase me ? ,
« Haa—will yon be content with fh&%
Or willyoti further tacka me t"
He looked handsaw hes yrdsSB -woro sfpE3<4
" No rival can displace mo—
Tea, one more favor 1 implore,
And that is, dear Em, braco mo? a
•*SL Zeowis Tvum-Jourrml.
THE EEQjVSXs.
She come £till _hisoi to his armo;
It really made him stair
Tq bave ber make a bolt for hto
Before ho could prepare.
Hs tried to screw Ms courage tip
And did his level best
So nail the matter then and thoKs,
While clasped unto his breask
Says he: " It augurs well for mo;
Awl seems to hinge on this;
Amfl what is mortise plane to see
.  The porch child wants a kiss."
Ho Mssed her lip, be kissed bar ehcst!
And called ber bis adoored—
He dons bis ctow^-hammer ness wcali,
And she will share his board.
—Yewedb Stramca.
Operand,,- saymg,
mik'i Slgbe.
*'W©11, girls, what shall w© do to-
<layr. •
It was on the broad piazza of th©
Baden-Baden Springs, one of the summer hostelries in the Santa Cruz mountains. Hot a man tobe seen—the long
piazza was a vista of skirts. At on© end
eat the matrons, either doing some one.
of those numberless things called
^Isney-work," or ©Is© retailing their
i&ousehold troubles. At the other sat
fhe young ladies, som© with novels in
iixeir laps, some idle. They were gaz-
mg listlessly across the garden to the
Misused croquet ground. No one said,
/s3Let's play croquet." No, indeed,
"fear© had been a pitched battle on the
OEOCjust ground the day before. Miss
Helen Winn had remarked that she
scaled no names, but when a person was
xrkeS, sh© did not think it fair for her to
saove her ball when the others were not
&5©Mng, Upon this Miss Tillie Robefft-
Coa had burst into tears, and said that
SSsa "Winn was£ £ a hateful thing." Mss
Chaie Bunnes, partner to her of ihe
%33j immediately laid down'her mallet
xji§k great dignity, and ostentatiously
C2SO£fe3it Miss Bobertson from the
"There, now, Tillie."
an," etc., ell of which
wns ines^essMy goading to tSie o&he?
X^t x;€jJ <rrAl sltsCTlag tk& tkre gcscSgs?
IIA&u wsm&smrsssy uhey w©£&, -few© other
Sadies took theis places, and th© game
im a while, was conducted in the smoothest Manner-, and the conversation in
Offigar^d Jones, from the fact, however,
Chat thgy Osineliome'in four Afferent
iHreotions it is supposed that something
went wrong. John, whose duty it was
<b put away ihe mallets and balls after
fe© ladies used the ground, related, on
Ms return to the kitchen, ihat he found
6<s them there mallets scattered all over
-creation, jest where them gals flung 'em
when the game bust up."
No, although they had all "made up"
since, fc the influences upon the whole
were not favorable to that game whieh
etirs the feminine soul so deeply! By
flie way, was the woman ever born who
would not cheat at croquet if she got a
©hance f
"Well, girls, what shall we do today i"   it was Bella Ghester who spoke.
Now Bella had not been mixed up in
the quarrel of the day before. If there
was any one thing she did not care
for, it was croquet without gentlemen.
It is unnecessary, then, to tell you that '
she was coquettish. But she was pretty,
too, was Bella—bewitchingly pretty.
And yet she was not so pretty that other
women did not like her, for they did.
There are two kinds of pretty women.
"Let's go to the springs," said Helen
Winn, "and watch them, bottling thc
wsters."
'* Pshaw!" said Bella, "there's only
«n old man "and a boy there.   Girls,
the went on,   " I have an idea.   How
tax is it from here to Santa Maria College?"  '../.:_
"About sir miles," said Helen, -
"Then I'll "tell you what let's do.
We'll have, the roekaway team hitched
up, and' get John to drive us over tliere.
It's vacation time now, and the students
have gone. We'll have the monks show
"us all over the buildings, the mission
church and everythingk"
"They're not monks," said Carrie
Bunner, with an air of wisdom (Miss
Bunner was a« Cathohc), "they are
fathers."
" Well, Pd like to know what the dif-,
ference is," Mdd Miss Bella, briskly.
" I—-don'ir—knoW," said -Miss Carrie,
weakening; "but you must call them
* fathers,' anyway."
"I'll call them anything they like,"
said Miss Bella. "But come, girls--
let's go and get ready."
In fifteen minutes five of the girls
were all ready. They had simply put
on immense straw hats and very ugly
dusters. Their *gloves were veterans;
their shoes substantial, but not beautiful- In sho^rt, they were attired as sensible girls should be/ for a ride over »'
California road in summer.  ,
But the minutes passed, and Bella
' did hot come. John chewed tobaooo,
■ and soothed his impatient horses as they
flicked the flies from off their backs and
pawed the ground. John was never impatient A. sweet and tender restful-
ness filled, his soul when he was waiting
for ladie3. He had driven around^water-
ing-piaces for many years, had John.
At last she .came. A simultan§ous
ery arose.      • '  * '   .
" Wjiy, .what ever haa kept you so
long?" -."...„
Suddenly Helen exclaimed:   "Well,
£ declare!   If that girl hasn't gon© and
changed her dress I"
. "Yes, aiid fixed her hair !"
" And put on a clean pair of gloves 1"
" And changed her boots I"
It was all true.   Miss Bella hsd endeavored to shroud these treasons in her
duster and hat, but it was useless.   She
was indeed a pretty sight as she stood
there, with one dainty foot  upon  the
step.   Even John was moved.   He reflectively spat. on  the ; nigh  side, and
made room for her to sit by him.   Miss
Bella sprang into the seat.   John was
better than nothing.   And, as they spun
. along the road, she- laughed at his well-
worn stories, admired his skill'as a driver, and wlien lie turned  to look at her
woiild drop her eyes. And John ? Well,
lie chewed tobacco. "Tis wonderfully
soothing, in any form, is the maligned
weed,
At last the little town was reached,
and John dashed up to tlie college gates
in style. The ladies descended, crossed
the wide and dreary-looking campus,
and applied for permission to see the old
mission church and the college buildings. It was granted them, and an olive-skinned Italian priest was detailed
fco show them over the place. He was
gentle and courteous in manner, handsome in face, and there was a certain
dignity about him which impressed even
the giddy Bella at first. But not for
'E®ng.
They passed into the old mission
church, with its quaint statues and curious paintings. The peculiar realism
which seemed to impress the Latin
mind only revolted them, and the image
of the Savior upon the cross, the blood
trickling ixom the crown of thorns and
from the wound in His side, only made
them turn away in disgust. The strange
frescoing over the altar, too, did not
impress them: they laughed at the four-
and-twenty elders sea,ted- around the
Great WMte Throne, with "Sanoto, Sano-
to, Sanoto," coming from their mouths,
while the monkish artist's attempt
to represent the Deity shocked them.
Then they went into the college, and
saw the laboratory, and philosophical
apparatus, with its strange electrical
machines, globes and whatnot. Prom
there to the library, where Father Augustine showed them ihe quaint old
books from which dead and gone monks
had 'chanted vesper and matin song.
Huge volumes were they, of parchment
leaf and leathern cover, with giant clasp
■and hinge; odd-looking notes in red and
bleek, squatty ©nd sqmsso (for they
wese Gregorian), climbed over curious
| stalf-linea. The girls tried to aiahe out
j ths trc^fe, bat fhe. laM-g^rag xjqv Q[zpm^o
'to&em, audi hud £t~aos\ioeen so, -the
language would have been.' So" Father"
Augustine read out some of the lines, the
Latin sounding less harsh in th© mellow
Italian way than they,, had thought.
And then they looked" at th© shelves,
where imposing tomes held between
their covers the writings of the early
fathers of the church—those early
fathers who wefe so early that they have
had to father all later creeds. Many
were the strange characters, many the
tongues in which these books were
written.
"And can you read all thos© dreadful
languages, father?" asked Miss Bella.
" No, not all," he replied, " but many;
and Brother Anselm, ^o is the librarian, can read them all."
f* Can he read tliat, father? " said Carrie Bunner, with wide-open eyes, turning over a curious looking volume.
" Yes, my daughter," said the monk,
smiling, " that is only Hebrew. Even I
can read that."
The library exhausted, Father Augustine'asked them if they would like to
ascend to the observatory, where there
was a fine view of the surrounding valley.
Miss Bella was the first to speak :
" Oh, girls," said she, " I'm tired. I
don't think I care to go.. But, since the
father has been so kind, some of you
go."
But the other girls were tired, too;
And so Mis3 Bella, with an appearance,
of great self-abnegation, declared that
she would go, although Father Augustine politely protested that the cfimb
was fatiguing, and, if tired, she should
not attempt it. But opposition only
made her more, determined, ,so they went
together."      *     t • .      .
"Oh, what a lovely yiewl" cried Miss
Bella, as they gazed over the fertile
yalley. " Oh, father, I'm ever so much
obliged to you for inducing me to
come."
" I^is indeed well worth the trouble,"
replied the priest.
"Father," said Miss Bella, fixing her
brown eyes upon him, "what is the
reason you say * my daughter' to Miss
Bunner,- and not to the rest of us ?"
"Because," replied the priest, gravely, " she is a Catholic, and the others
are heretics."     * '   •''
"How do you know she is a Cathohc?"
"Because she bowed to the. Host
when in the church, which none of the
others did." ..     ,      ;
" So I am a heretic* too/I suppose ?"
said Miss Bella, with, a pretty pout
: "Yes," said tiie priest, tcahxdy.
" Attn I so dreadful, then?" said the
, girl, archly.   '
"No," he replied, flushing slightly,
"but—that is-—"
Ah, wicked Bella! yot \ave pierced
the priestly armor..       .    v 5
v "Come, father,", said she, coaxingly.
"*call me * daughter' toot^^ I feel as if
I were a leper or something. Ugh!"
And she shivered, and then langhed
mefrilyv . "''■ v
"Verywell, my daughter," said the
priest. -     ' » '
Miss Bella was as pleased as ia a victorious GfeneraL But she was not con-
' tenfe She leansd out from the window,
and, as she did so. "she j&Opped a glove
upon the floor, whenf she turned the
glove wag gone.    .,     ■ .     '
Mass Bella cpuldhave hugged herself.
But all things have an end, and so
had the tete-a-tete in the tower. Bella at
last descended, and, as usual, found her
companions cross through waiting, and,
as usual, subdued, them. And so they
badefarewefltoFather Augustine, thanking biTn for liis courtesy, and crossed the
campus to the carriage* And when they
reached it, wicked Bella could-no longer
eonceal her story, but told with great"
glee how she had made an impression
upon the heart of Father Augustine. I
am afraid she used a slangy word in
speaking of it.
Carrie Bunner was horror-stricken.
"BellaChester," said she, "I don't
believe a word of it_ Bo you mean to
tell me that he, a priest^ would keep one
pf your gloves?"
01 Priests are only men," said Bella,
defiantly.
"Well, I don't care," said Came, "I
don't believe it, so there."
. And the girls climbed into the rock-
away, which stood near the old church;
the view of the college was thus intercepted.
John had listened meanwhile with
much interest. He believed Bella, He
•saivately believed that she could captivate any man, if she set her mind on it
And as he took a fresh chew of tobacco,
and prepared to start, he indulged
in much quiet mirth at the priest's expense.
Suddenly a black-robed figure ap«
peared around the corner of the church.
Bella's heart went down'into her diminutive boots.
It was Father Augustine.
"I wonder if he heard us!" sh© ssid
to herself.
The monk motioned to John to stop.
He advanced to lhe side of the carriage.
" One of the servants," said he, blandly, doffing his angular cap, " has just
come down from the observatory, wher©
he found aglove. It was probably left
by the young lady who was there with
me.    Which was ths lady?"
Carrie Bunner's eyes sparkled maliciously.   She pointed to Bella,
" Is it yours, miss ?" said the monk,
smoothly.
Bella mutely nodded. She could not
speak. She felt that she was crimson to
the roots of her hair.
He  handed it to her.    "I bid you
good day, young ladies," said he, gravely, and he strode off toward th© c6He|f©, •
- John touched up - Ms horses*    H© :
grinned, but said nothing.   He was a
maa and <%o2efe-s3 fi-cnow1"* „ llJ&gi- - >is '
giggled mil &td& c, gresss" &A  'Th®?
were women.
And Bella? Well, Bella had wondered at first whether Father Augustine
heard her.
She is wondering yet.
Both Sides of a Bridge.
"Say, mister, are we on this side of
the bridge or the other?" asked'a placid
old lady of a gentleman on a Court-street
car.
" We are on this side," responded the
gentleman, gravely.
" Laws me I Then we ain't anywhere
near Greenwood Cemetery yet ?"
"Yes, madam, we are' within a few
squares of it." •
"Sakes a massy! I thought Greenwood was on the otiier side of the
bridge I"
"No, madam; it is on this side!"
" Well, that pesky conductor told me
it was on the other side when we started."-.      ■
"It was, madam, on the other sides,
then, but ve have crossed the bridge."
"Then we'are on the other side?"
"No, madam, we are on this side.of
the bridge.   We've passed it"
"And is Greenwood on the other
side ?" she asked, starting up in some
a!aa*m.
" No, it is on this side."
" Don't try to fool me with your non?
sense !" exclaimed the old lady, indignantly. " Don't try to make me think
that Greenwood is on this side of the
bridge when I know better, and don't
try to make me believe I'm on this side
or the bridge when I know I'm on the
other ! Don't ye do it! You want to
be careful how you amuse yourself with
me, or I'll fit ye with a new Bet of ribs !"
and the old lady shook her umbrella in
warning as 'to the source of the additional physiological development " The
idea," she continued, turning to the
other passengers, " of trying to muddle
an old- woman who , might be his
mother ! I'll bridge ye, both sides, in
a minute. Conductor, just as soon as I
'get on this side of the bridge you let me
out, or this will be your tombstone trip
fco Greenwood I"
And the dame straightened back and
glared defiance, while her well-meaning'
informant concluded that it wasn't too
warm for Mm to walk to his destination.
—Brooklyn Eagle.
MSCIOTS §T€>XE§0
OTQkb- (UtaffiseHeiriisttlcs "Goy "WUaSoln. Jewells <Da.ua USeefflgimiHs hmshhshmmIIs
nrcnrnfiUleffl toy 'ffSaeiimo
• 4 New York reporter interviewed Mr.
iitidrews, of Tiffany's. "How are you
to identify unset diamonds ?" the reporter asked. "Here, now, is a diamond," he said, holding up a flashing
geHow crystal as big as a pigeon's egg;
"that is one of the remarkable diamonds
o2 the world, and could be identified
anywhere. It weighs 125 carats, and is
worfiosfSOjGOQ. Whil^ yellow diamonds
sm plentiful, yet fiiere are few with a
©less?, decided tint like this; and it is pe-
ets'iar in its cutting, from the fact that
St ?£&S two rows of facets from the girdle,
os largest oircumferenee of the stone, to
tha table, as the flat top of the stone is
called. In the ordinary style of cutting
a brilliant there is only one row of facets
between • girdle and table. Here is a
dieinond^" picking up a brilliant clear as
a drop of dew and flashing with colors
like a rainbow, "that weighs only two
and one-half carats, and it is yet worth
S13I|00, from the fact that it is of the
pmest water. A diamond as notable as
thia we could positively identify from its
characteristics. Here is another," picking up a yellow stone, "that weighs
nearly as much, two and three-fourths
carats, and is yet worth only $275, because of its color. Yellow diamonds are
Ited to identify by appearance, because
thgsy are so plentiful. Diamonds come of
ell colors, pink, blue and brown being
£eb& and worth much more than yellow.
The'.pure white, free from stain or flaw,
is fee most valuable of all. Odd colors
ara so rare that they afford a ready
me^&s of identification. Here is a black
diomond," he said, holding up a large
brililant that oddly combined perfect
"k3,nspareney with a blackish tint;
"tliis is one of the largest and best
blaek diamonds in the world. It weighs
fiv© earats, and is worth $2,500. Now,
hei's/* picking up a beautiful diamond of
aclea^rpink hue, "is a curiosity, that'
W© eopld readily identify anywhere. It
weiglia eight carats, less a, sixteenth,
and h worth.f5,000. The color is a
tsmq oJse, and it is exquisitely pure.
Heesis smother extraordinary diamond."
He -jhofwed a lasgs pearl-shaped stone of
a emission color. "That is an East
fiad^-rt gem, cad is yery old.   Although
dozen or so of the natives, all females,
with handkerchiefs upon their heads, are
present. Our party is seated at the
front. I remain at the door. My wedding garments are not up to the highest
style, but, as the procession enters the
front door, If all in behind with the small
boy of the family. The bride is a tail
girl, with inflammatory hair and cool
demeanor. The groom is a thick-set,
stout man. whose hair is erect, and
whose imperturbability is quite equal
to that of the woman whom he holds,
gently, by the hand. She is dressed
plainly in black. A long white veil
depends from her back hair, held by a
circlet of ivy, a plant in great request
and reputation here in Norway. The
friends of tlie bride and bridegroom,
including parents, pass up to the platform with them and take seats- on either
side. A priest comes out from the aay-
tum.and stands before the altar silently,
with his back to us, while the precentor
from a side platform raises a sweet song,
with whose music there is not so much
accord by the audience. Tben the bride
and bridegroom kneel, a prayer is said
and the two are one and all are happy.
The bride is arrayed at the door, and
the scene is concluded.
'loo. oeyentasn carats it is not worth
is
Captain Hoeden, who has recently
removed to Cincinnati from Marietta,
Ohio, has been an enthusiastic collector
of spiders ever since his college days.
In the pursuit of this singular fancy he
•has collected nearly 25,000 specimens
embracing 4,000 species, from all parts
of the world. They are arranged in glass
bottles, with labels giving name, collector, and locality. California furnished
5,000 specimens, and New England as
many more. One species, is represented
by 108 specimens" from all parts of the
IJnited States, showing how much effect
environment has in modifying form.
The collection is supplemented by a full
and complete catalogue of the literature
of the subject,' comprising about 70,000.
references pn 10,000 cards. THs-'valuable contribution to the study of this little-
kneWn branch of natural hintory he
hopes to 'complete and publish'at an
early day.
Lcoaes as ttaal
** "u.~-A i
"7   r it-.r,','1   -—■■•;■>   —-n
'UDvi-Ji/.  toy  totUJiT'-Uiju-
thorn would be no means of identifying
suel£ stones as these," he said, as he
poured a handful of small diamonds on
the table. They were nearly all off
color, and of small size.
" How, then, do you avoid mistakes
and protect yourself against fraudulent
claims when you take diamonds to set ?"
"In the first place, we will have
nothing to do with paste, no" matter
what price might be offered us to set it.
Nobody in the store is allowed to wear
a paste gem, and if by mistake a paste
brilliant is taken in at the repair counter
it is immediately sent back to the owner.
That rarely happens. Some time ago,
when we refused to reset a stone on the
ground that it was past^, the owner was
greatly surprised to hear that it. was not
genuine. The lady investigated the
matter, and found that a dishonest* servant had removed the diamond and substituted a paste gem. She had never
known the difference, although an expert does not hesitate a moment in pronouncing upon the genuineness of a
stone.
" When a diamond is brought to us,"
Mr. Andrews went on, "it goes immediately into the hands of an expert who
gives ifc microscopic scrutiny. It is
■weighed, any chip or flaw is noted, and
all these facts ui'cj recorded together wifch
a little diagram indicating the location
of the defects. Then it goes into the
workman's hands. This enables us to
be certain that we aire returning, exactly
the same diamond that we take in. No
one diamond in a thousand is. free from
flaws, so that tliere are always identifying characteristics. People are frequently surprised to find their diamonds
have defects, but it is often the case that
the cutter will leave in a ilaw that can
be covered by the setting, as very .frequently the cutting out of a defect would
lose a half a carat or more'of weight."
"Will diamonds chip off in wearing?" .>   ,
"Yery rarely. Yoij may lay a diamond on an anvil and strike it- with a
liammer and it will not break. At the
same time a diamond has a Jgrain, and a
blow that happens to strike it aloijg the
line of cleavage may clip it Most ol
the defects in stones are natural. Perfect pearls are even rarer than perfect
diamonds. I recollect that a dealer once
brought to us a collection of pearls
valued at $250,000, and there was only
one absolutely perfect one in the lot The
rarity of perfect pearls' makes us consider this one of our most extraordinary
pieces of jewelry."
He . showed a pearl necklace, the
pearls ranging in size from peas to
filberts. They were all perfectly round,
and some were iridescent. " Those we
call Orients," he said, "and they are
extremely rare. The necklace is wortli
§35,000.'^	
A Wedding in Lapland.
A wedding is announced at the church,
whOse' bells are pealing. We invite
ourselves. A score of us enter the
building. ,It is like most Lutheran
churches, plain; but there is au altar
with "seven candlesticks" and candles;
a large ci'oss, perfectly white; a pulpit
midway, and commodious *pews "and
seats. Tbe hour is 2 in the "afternoon,
not in the morning, though as to lighting the church, it is " all one."   Some *
Snafce Stories.
A farmer in Devonshire once told me
that he caught a viper, partially disabling it by a Mow from a stout stick, and
with the assistance of his men bound it,
still living, in the fork of a tree. (He
was a Mnd hearted and fairly intelligent man, who would not have tolerated
any ill treatment of a horse or dog—f ar
less have been guilty of such a thing
himself—but h© saw no cruelty in thus
punishing the poor reptile.) There
they left it, striking with its fangs on all
sides in rage* and agony. When they
returned next day the viper had escaped,
but the limb of the tree was dry and
dead as though blasted with lightening!
.1 was young and hopeful at tiie time I
heard this tale and unwise enough to do
all in my power to dissuade the narrator
from the belief he held, or, at any'rate;
to try and convince him that he wrongly
«y>haeeted cause aud effect in the case;
Kit, as he said, he " see'd it himself,"
and he went down to the grave in that
faith. 'That he honestly believed it,
there could be no doubt, for hs had not
enough poetry -In Mm to invent- such a
romance. It reminds on© of the Yankee.
who told how he Mlled & snak© with a
hoe, th©handled: wMehth© "varmint"
'tamed hnd Mt sevesal time^before r©-
f IfS J_WM IPOOTo
BJEKNBii SexlEebs—-peanut readers..'
- Wondeb if a noise annoys aa 9y§te0
L? a boy gets on the wrong tsaek afc*
shows  that  his fatherTs switch has no5
had a fair chance.     •  -
Men are like, pins.- On© with a Siti©
head may be "just as sharp ai 'ana with s>
big head!        . ■    : v..-     r- :-. -.""'.
Some men go fishing to get. fish, and
some don't; those that don't generally
get what they go for.    '. •     ;--
, "-Do you think you'll be able to ptsfi
through ? " anxiously * inquired th©-
needle of the thread. "Ey© guess so,*"
was the curt response.
Says a contemporary, describing aa
arrest: " He accompanied the polie©
quietly to the lock-up, where .our reporter happaned to be at the time.'*. -.
Fond mother: "Is blowing a fisk
horn likely to result in injury to yous1
boy ?" " You wager ife is, ma'am, if h®
blows it near us and we can catch Mm,5*
Young Loveb asks: "When is the-
best time to travel ? " When you sea
the old man and his .bulldog coming
round the corner, sir, travel for aE yen
are worth. - ■       •■
Mbs. .Seeiggins, when-she read of th©
failure of the Universal I4fa Jhsuranea
Cofiapany, sagely remarked that sh©
never did think much of "them Unives=
salists."
" That's what I eall a finished ser^
mon," said a lady to her husband, «©
they wended their way from church.
"Yes," was the reply; "butdoyoB
know, I thought it never-would be."   •
Su^EBFiiTioifs—^"And so yoa leara
daneing, Bob ? And how do you Ik©
valsing ? " " Oh, it's not so bad! I earn
manage very well myself, but liMnfc a
girl's rather id th© way."—Punch.
"Ehqitette" writes to inquire if, im
our opinion, it would be proper for Mna
to support a yoBng lady if she was taken
with a faint-—even if he hadn't been iB'-
troduced. Proper, young man? Gez°
tainly, prop her by allmeans.
"Annie," said a fond husband to Mss
"wife, "what wer© the current espetises
for last month ? " *sOh/' sh©
"only 28 cents.*'   *iT~~
that?" "W©Hfl yom §e© ■ I" ouly bakefi^
-mswrned^,
s*Wlays  faxm- t?aa
f^lS-^^f-f4"*
cakes twice, and3 therefore^ "sesd ye^7
few ©usanfe**
Nets long ago, in a Sfesneh pFOTOsciai:
fcheatss'j sbasifom© made a feafei ereais,
"Hisses and langMsE Sa tike mz^zzz
SBrxea f\m o^ffo &?-$'* •—->—r,~ z   : - -■ ^
&&&£Ye _
as trew as you stand tiiess, iu ie^tJiaia
three, .minutes that hoe-handle was
swelled up as big as my leg!" Have
you overheard of the hoop snake? They
-abound, according to several accounts I
have been favored with, in India and
Australia, and derive their name from
the peculiarity of their mode of. progression ; taking their tails in their mouths
they bowl along like a hoop! Fact, so
an old Indian oflicer informed me, who
had often seen the native soldiers chasing them with short bamboo sticks (he
was fearfully circumstantial) around the
commons and along the roads. The following nice little anecdote was gleaned
from an English colonial newspaper,
where it- was published as an actual occurrence in the immediate neighborhood
during the week, with much local and
. collateral, detail. A boa-constrictor woke
up hungry from a three months' hap
and caught a rabbit which he bolted
-whole in the usual way. This did not
satisfy the cravings of his. capacious
stomach, so he went afield in search of
further victuals, and presently came to a
•fehGe, which-he essayed to get through.
But the lump caused by the defunct
though undigested bunny stopped him,
when his .head and a few. feet only of his
body had passed between the rails; and
lying in- this attitude, he caught and
swallow another rabbit which had incautiously ventured within his narrowed
sphere of action. Now what was the
state of affairs? He could neither go
•ahead nor astern through the fence,
being jammed by his fore aad aft inside
passengers, and in this embarrassing
position he was slain with ease.
-v-:
~» <.t
A Wonderful Original  Play.
A young Milwaukee person has written a play. The one prominent feature
is its wonderful originality. It is - noi
like anything we ever witnessed on the
stage, but of course we'cannot say ho\f
it might be receiyed,by the public. -The
curtain rises upon a dead man tlie first
thing with thO handle of a dagger sticking out of his bosom, and the assassin
stands gloating over his victim for a few
minutes, when, to the horror of the audience, he seizes the handle of the fatal
weapon, and draws out a bright, gleaming dagger, eleven feet long, and the
murdered man sits up and begins to
argue on the currency question. .The
scene changes, when a beautiful girl,
rigged up as angel with wings, and dressed in pink musquito bar and strung on
wires, floats through the air back and
forth half a dozen times, then plumes
her flight and" disappears amid the pasteboard clouds atthe top of the stage. Act
third represents 'a pie woman selling
dried apple pies, and there is more or
less conversation of .irrelevant • nature
between her'and customers, one man-
producing a boot-heel ■: swearing he
found it in the pie. There is no plot.
Plots have become so common in p'ays
that the public is tired of them. ' There
is no love, love having become old and
bald-headed and .toothless*. There is no
deep and- terrible -hatred, deep and ter-^.
rible hatred being too snide, and what'■
lighting occurs is done merely to fiirih
the time. The great object aimed &% by"'
the author has been to make the fflay
original iir every essential and %e has
succeeded to a wonderful degree.
Ik tba paste, stajr&g late,
Harry fingers -wi& Me fate,
Till hes m%-who eanBQtMeap,
Calls, "What time is ityou fee^a?"
Harry, thinking sha -woiild gsfc
Time exact her watch to set,
Answers,-with an air sublime:
" Do you wish to fenow the time?-**
•* Do yon Snow it?" sharp site exjes.
"Yes'm," sweetly he replies.
•' I didnt thiik you did, yofing maa;
Bnt if you do, jnst tell my Ann."
"A fabmeb^ says an agricultural
paper, "does not need so many hands
since the invention of the reaping machine. " No, by the teeth of the dragon j
and. as a rule he does not have so many
by about one-half. And if he has so
.many hands, ten to one he hadn't so*
many fingers.
The threshing machine has robbed
country life of one of its most exhilarating pleasures/ In the gOod' old days-
when the flail was the vogue the city
visitor could retire to the barn, and, in
one short half hour get more bangs and,
bruises than he can now acquire all da^r
in the diamond field.—Boston Tran~
script.     . .
" I keciiABE if there isn't the deacon%
daughter out with a bran new shawl.
WeU, I never." " Hush I" said a better-
informed female; " tisn't hers. It's
one she borrowed from the company
that's visiting over t' the deacon's."
" Well, there's one thing I know. Sh^
can't depend on borrowing to look well
in heaven. She'll have to wear her own
$ngel plumage when she gets there.**
And they both bowed their heads as tiie
minister opened the services. — New
Haven Register. .
'Twas a sultry Mid muggy day, but
the agent, wiping the perspiration from
his low but somewhat-manly brow, and,
throwing his linen duster back, began:
"Madam, is your, husband about?*
"Yes, he's about, but I tenid to all
agents that show themselves 'round
here. What is it?" "I'm .introducing
.a threshing-machine in this neighborhood,, andr-^" "Not in this neighbor-
,h6od, you ain't, if Ik^c-wit Tin com-;
.petent to' do aU the thrashing that's
needed on this f atm. You ask iny boys^.
BUl and Sam, and, if you" don't believe
them, ask my man just'pver in the lot
there," and a slight advance that she
made in his direction suggested to him
that he. had better move on before she
fried her power on him.—New Haven.
Register.
• • JL? oes it, alter au, pay to be Honest W
a disappointed young man writes. No,
my son, not if yourre'honest for pay, i%
doesn't Not u you are honest-merely
because you think it will pay; not if-you
are honest only because you are afraid to
be a rogue; indeed, my dear boy, it does
not'pay to^ be honest that way. If you
can't be honest because you hate a lie
and scorn a mean action, if jou can't be
honestfrom principle, be a rascal; that's
what, you are intended" for, and you'll
' probably succeed at' it But you can't
make anybody behove in honesty thatia
bought' and sold like merchakdise.—-
iBurlinatonHawkeye.
WEiasTE® defines an  " ornithorhyncus "as "i beast with a bill."   On the
first day of every month our streets are
filled with' orrathorhynensses, rushing
\ hither and thicher.—^ee Press.
*i'S'-i?-J
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