1879-08-15; Clare County Press

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VOLUME II.
CLARE, MICHIGAN, Fill  XT, AUGUST 15, 1879.
NUMBER 15.
Q
--?-.
,e Clare   Gonnty  Press.
ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY AT
Clare, Clare County, Mich.,
—BY—
ALVABO P. GQODENOUGH.
Adlveirittelffiigr Elates*.
The following Table of Advertising Rates has
been carefully arranged according to a plan based
on space required and time continued, '_ Special
care is taken to set up and arrange advertisements
in a systematic manner, thus making them more
attractive than when jumbled- together.
 TABLE OF ADVERTISING  RATES.	
iwk 2 wk 4wk 2 mos 3 mos 6 mos, i yr
z inch $1.00 1.50 2.50 3.50* 4.50- 6.50 10.00
sin      1.50 2.25 3.7s 5.25 7-°°   1.000 15.00
3 in      2.00 3.00 5.00 7.00 9.00   13.00 20.00
4 in "2.50 3.75^ 6.25 8.75 11.25 16.00 25.00
ii col 3.00 4.50 7.50 10.50 13.50 19.50 30.00
Js col 6.00 9.00 14.00 20.00 25.00 35.00 50.00
r  col 10.00 15.00 20.00 30.00 35.00   50.00 80.00
Business Cards, 3 lines $5 per year; each additional line, JSr.
Legal NoTiCES---Rates prescribed by law-l
Local Notices—10cts. p§r line each insertion.
All Advertising payable quarterly inAdvance.
BUSINESS CARDS,
E. D. WHEATQST.
O.W. PERRY
WHEATON k PERRY,
CLARE,       -      -       MICH.
All business intrusted -with them will receiv
prompt attention. Collections, made and Real Ee
tateboughtand sold. Office Maynard Block, Main St
WM. H. ELDEN, Jeweleb and
dealer in Wall Paper, Books and Stationery, Sewing Machine Fixtures, etc., Clare.
(Ti EO. "W. JEEFERLES, Judge of
\J[ -Probate and Justice of the Peace, Clare.
Special attention given to making collections. Of-
ce on Main Street. °
(Ti EO, J.. CUMMINS,
AMamey-at-Law and Solicitor,
Gourt Mouse Building, Farwell, Mich.
C
C. CASTERLIN,
Attorney-and-Counselor-at-Law, and
Counselor &, Solicitor in Chancery,
Court House Building, Farwell, Mich.
h
0; DODGE,. Justice of the
-o Peace and ^Totarv Ptblic, Vernon, has
Good Farming Lands fob Sale
Cheap.- Titles Perfect,
Terms Easy.
H. 0, Dodge, Ebwell, Mich:.
(Ti H, SUTHERLAND,
Notey Public & -Insultance Agfc.
^ „^vr-- -Mo^ey. t© JDsaa    ,    •.
-   Court House Building,- Farwett.
S. COOLEY,
DEALER IN
Harness, Whips, Robes, & Blankets.
The best assortment of Trunks and Traveling
bags in town, and prices the lowest.
T1£E BEST OF MATEBIAL USED.
All work warranted.   Repairing done  promptly
I will sell cheaper than can be bought elsewhere in Saginaw Valley."
1J3UBEN SMITH,
NOTARY PUBLIC.
Real Estate and Insurance Agent.
HIAISUK, HICM.
Particular attention paid to looking land, estimat
ing pine timber, adjusting trespsasses and paying
taxes for non residents.
Manhattan Fire Insurance Company of New York
Strong and sound, with low rates.
R, JEFFERIES,
SEALER IN
FRESH & SALT MEAT,
. Fresh and Cured Fish,
Fine Groceries and General
Farm Pboduce.
TOB-UFBIi'S MSB.
BT. W. H. COFIELD.
pest TEA in
Cash paid for hides.
MAIN STREET, CLARE.
HOTELS, LIVERIES, &c
'^EW'^FURNrrDTOSr^EWLY
Befitted, New Proprietor.
£S HOTEL,
V. E£. E5KLOWK, IPsrojp.,
MOUNT PLEASANT,  MICH.
First Class Accommodations.   Good Sample Rooms
tor Agents. Good Bam.
TU^ARWELL BILLIARE HALL,
FARWELL, MICH.
finest""cigars,
Pure<Winest Liquors, Ales, Beer, Porter, Cider, Etc.
Those desiring a pure article are invited to call.
HENRY  NEWTON.
[Walpurgis week, or the wees; of darkness,   s
truly a week of terror to the inhabitants of the
Hartz mountains and vicinity.   During this week
neither aged nor young can be found bold enough
to act as guide over the mountains, to the chagrin
of the luckless tourist who is compelled to imitate
the action of the peasants and "remain indoor until Walpurgis  night is  over."    Goblins, bogies,
specters and Brocken witches come forth from
ir retreats for their annual feast and ball.   Op-
ssive silence, save the demon's laugh, broods
'er the land, and spirits lost hold undisputed
3way.J
A glorious sunset gleams
Upon the wild and rugged Hartz,
Gilding in bright silver sheens
Its frowning, dark, unseemly parts-
Tinging the rocks with golden hue,
lighting the lakes with azure blue,
As slow the waning day departs.
But hush I for 'tis Walpurgis night,
And now goblins take their flight
O'er hill and dale and dell,
Led on by demons fell,
Laughing devils of giant make,
And bogies of most horrid shape;
Grim specters of the lost appear
With mournful wailings sad to hear.
The powers of darkness hold their Bway
And pounce upon their frightened prey,
With hollow sound and rumblings low,
As to their orgies thus they go,
To hold a feast and revel wild
O'er man, or maid, or wanton child.
Stir not without this darksome night,
For dread goblins take delight
To catch you unawares
In pits, and falls, and snares.
Children, unless they wish to die,
Must not be cross, nor fret, nor cry,
Or they perchance among the rest
Will help to make "Walpurgin fest."
In lonely forest far away,
Upon the mountain side—they say—
The feast is spread, and spirits fierce
With horrid lookB so dark that scarce
The prince of demons Gould surpass—
Gulp down their human food en masse.
"Pour forth the wine of human gore
And drink as we were wont of yore;"
Thus speaks a king of devils,
And at his word each revels,
Devouring food of human kind,
In "Gast Mahl"—and red gory wine-
Side dishes and removes the same
Is served to each of satan's clan.
Revel loud and wild, ye chosen band,
Brought hither at my sole command.
Mortals live, and mortals quickly die,
Rocked by sharp pains they cry.
Why then what harm when we relieve
An untired youth of future grief?
We drop adown the curtain dark,
And thus a transient life is marked—
No sorrow then they know,.
. For thus 'tis all must go.
The oldest to the latest birth
Must soon return to mother earth.
Then haste, O hasten, " Brocken WitcheB,'>
With vain mortals and their riches,
Cast them in the ' * Teuf el's Eessel"
And join -the dance around the festal.
With red and dripping gore fill up
The goblin's ancient drinking cup;    <
Let all be merry at the feast,
From greatest to the very least*
Then away to gay Hexentanzplatz,
"Where -witches hold their orgies at;
Join in the mystic ring *
And dance, and laugh, sad. sing.   .
S-=>£ —>nio sttls tTa<3 nnaj? - fc
At soundo ao atraage *&nd viassu.
As mankind ever heard—
They dare not venture out
Whene'er we are about;
They hide, and trembling flee  ..
.    At noises of our glee-
Well may ye mortals frail
In our dread presence quail.
You foiled our ruler?s plan,
And robbed him of his land.
He builded Teufelsmauer
To hold his subjects there;
But then a mystic power
At daylights early hour
Threw down his prided Mau'r
And left the gate ajar;
His subjects changed to slaves, .
And he must hide in caves
To shun the daylight's hour
And strong supernatural power;
But comes our time at last—
Man rules while demons fast,
.And smiles with satisfaction sure-
But when the chosen hour
"    Had made its yeoWy tour
And brought us hither here,
He turns aside in fear
From specters dark and drear,
And bides his time indoor
'Till Walpurgus week is o'er—
RUMMERS & NEWTON,
Proprietors of the
ELL  LIV]
FORSES*& CARRIAGES
TO LET.
Parties conveyed everywhere in this
section and vicinity.
JCg^Terms reasonable.
TEpAGLE HOTEL,
Coral, Montcalm Co., Mich.
A. FRED GOQDENOUGB$9Prop.'
This is a new house, neatly furnished, convenient
to the trains, with good accommodations at reasonable prices.
<&<QXQ>I© IL/E^riEnS.'S'A*mTA©IHIISIffio
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went in for his dimes, his carriage and
greys, although at the same time I must
own she was spooney on bald-pated
Howard, the artist, but he's poor as
Job's turkey, as the saying is."
' "Weil, she can have him now for all
this poor cuss, can't she?" said Sowerby,
beating a tattoo with his digits on my
chest.
"1 presume so, but she will Wait till
the year is up, for fear of gossip, you
know."
"But who gets his money, seeing the
poor cuss has no relations?" queried
lie undertaker.
"Oh! that's all right. You see, my
Priscilla is a sensible girl. Before she
promised to marry him she had him
make his will in her favor. Poor Smith
was rather sappy, you know; had nothing .against him, however, although he
was'deucedly homely, and such a barndoor of a mouth, always open."
"Well," said the cheerful voice of the
undertaker, "his mouth is shut tight
enough now, I reckon; he'll never open
it in this worldt again. I reckon his immortal part is now with the angels."
And my mortal part is also with the
angels, thought I—a fine pair of angels!
I felt indignant at their clumsy ridicule.
I tried to shut my fist, but the devil a
shut was to it. I could do nothing but
listen. He then began to measure me
for my coffin. I had heard that undertakers whistled joyfully when they got
a measure. I believed it to be only $
joke on the craft; but Sowerby actually
struck up% the  air  "Pull Down  tfie j
Blinds" in a subdued trilling whistle j(\lcmb, myinwards' boiling with wrath.
while he measured me. r.'nVas too much!   The deepest trance
"A nobby casket and 100 hacks, eh, f <. 3^1d not have .held out against that
Mr. Muffins? Must make a big thing ol [ vait; with a powerful effort I sprung
it. The cuss left lots of money, and re-1 up and howled. Priscilla dropped my
member he was to be your Priscillsfe (clothes, her mother the duster, and both,
husband. Must make a splurge, Mr. \ bounded out of the room- squealing like
Muffins," said the worthy undertaker* jahot rabbits. With dfficulty I managed
with an eye to his own pocket. \ "o get ym clothes, and had just got inside
"Well, I don't mind & the coffin fe c-1 my pants when Mrs. Muffins and her
little nobby looking; but 100 hacko!,'; daughter, headed by the undertaker,
ie; and from two old crones who
3r me I learned to my horror that
to bo buried next day.
I course you are coming to the
jl to*morrow, Mrs. Frizzlebaum?"
Me of them.
2! dear, yes, surely.   I hope it may
put a fine day, for I want to enjoy
Me/ to the cemetery."
'Shen loBt consciousness, and the
a heard were the grating voiceB of
ilia, my fiancee, and her mother.
greatly they were brushing, dusting
giving the room a general slicking
lore the funeral,
Broward to be one of the pall-hear-
';'' asked the voice of my mother-in-
Shaj5 might have been."
3.e would be, gladly, but he hasn't a
'< of black clothes," said my sweetest.
'"Why, Priscilla! my child, don't you
re member Smith's black broadcloth; the
BUuis brand new. I know it will fit
lET'Vward. Call him in—he's sitting in
£ •> kitchen—and let him try them on."
'-tow, this black suit was a particular
ii, 'orite of mine, a perfect fit, that set
C .'• person off to great advantage, and it
l ;.de my blood boil to hear them talk
r ..coolly of transferring it' to my rival,
*' »be worn at my iuneaL I was getting
\. ^ymadnowi I ielt the crisis was near,
r a that I should either die or explode
i they meddled with my black suit,
l-dscilla took it down from the peg—I
J new it, for I heard the buckles jingle
--and made for the door.' I tried to
n* ::5e my fist, and yelj at her, but all in
in, and there I lay, outwardly calm as
The deuce! Just send one ortwc-foi;
the mourners, and the rest who corneli*
attend the .funeral ean furnish thefe owl
rigs or hdof it, whichever suits thefia.r
5S3red in at the door; a motley company
of women and smutty-faced children
stbodin their rear. Such soared-looking
owls; enough to amuse a dead man. So
They covered my face again and M'. j I laughed. It was not very becoming!
me to my own reflections. Ihadpfto : but I laughed peal after geal till my
heard it remarked that meditation wf >) sides began to ache.. Then the under-
good for the soul, and this was the 1iJ£;i.«, takor ventured near me, saying, rather
chance I ever had of trying it. dubiously:       *
An hour must have passed and t? ~i.    " So   you  are  not  dead  yet,  Mr.
Smith?"
But harken to that roar;
Our carnival is o'er
Says Satan's under king,
No longer must we sing—
Through tangled fern or brake
Each must himself betake
To native home; or fate
May wave his magic wand
O'er this enchanted land
And leave you faint and weak.
Stop not your thirst to slake,
Lest daylight find you here,
And pow'rs ot light appear
To rob you of your fame
And leave a broken name,
For you'll not power possess
To revel with the rest.
Then farewell, comrades, all,
And subjects of the ball,
Let's up, away, and leave
For mountain home and cave,
• To bide our time of year,
When we'll again appear
To hold our festives here;
With revels wild to cheer
•Our comrades one and all,
And witches of the ball.
So speed ye while ye can
Unto your native land."
Morning dawned all bright and gay,
With dew-wet wings of golden light,
And ushers in the new-born day
On downy pinions shining bright
The King of Day rolls up the curt'n dark,
Bespangl'd o'er with dew of diamond sp ark,
And scatters hence the dreary night.
BELtE Rive, M.-
A LUCKY  DIEo
What the deuce ails • me 1 Where am
I, anyhow? Wherever I am, springs
and mattresses must be scarce, for I
know I am laid on some mighty hard
substance. Wonder if it is on a dissecting board? Wonder if I'm dead?
I feel mighty like it. Maybe I am
stretched out ready for the doctors to
carve me.
These were my first thoughts," very
cheering, indeed, as I became conscious.
I could neither speak nor move; but I
soon learned that I could hear.
A door opened, footsteps approached,
I felt a cloth removed from my face,
and a voice, which I recognized as that
of my intended father-in-law, said:
"He hasn't changed much," and his
companion, whose voice I recognized as
Sowerby's, the undertaker, said lightly:
"There's just'where you are mistaken,
Mr. Muffins; b,e looks a cussed sight
better dead than alive, but how does
Priscilla feel about it? Take on much,
eh?"
"Oh! no just enough to appear well,"
said the father of my affianced, with a
chuckle. "She never cared much for
Smith; 'twas his stamps that she fancied.   My Priscilla is a practical girl and
door was again opened, and tw«j$ierax»:
came, whispering along, to where X 2^>,
and 'the voice.of my promidefi xml i-
^t ctesad fo'idok ac lu> ^-^1,., '^c_"7
he was so homely when living, he mus^ rather-
be frightful when dead."
I ground my teeth in rage as I remembered how often she had gone into
raptures, or pretended to, over my
noble brow and expressive mouth, and.
would solemnly declare that if I were
taken from her she would enter a convent, take the black veil and never more
behold the sun.
One of them raised the cloth, I knew
they were looking at me. Howard was
the chap she was spooney on, whom her
father had mentioned.
" Seems to me you don't feel very bad
about his dying, Miss Muffins," exclaimed Howard, deliberately.
" Well, to tell the truth," said my betrothed, " I don't care very much about
it. If he had lived I suppose I should
have married him, because he was rich;
but I was getting about sick of my bargain, for I know I should always be
ashamed of him."
" But you loved him," remarked Howard.
"No, I didu/t! My affections were
wasted long ago on one who never returned my love." And my fast-fading
idol sighed heavily. They had now
covered my face again, and were standing within a few feet of where I lay.
" About how long ago,Miss Muffins?"
asked Howard.
"Oh! about a year or so," with another sigh.
" About the time I went away?" interrupted the cautious Howard, coughing
a little.
" Well, yes, about that length of time,"
assented my dear affianced.
" Now, Miss Mu-Muf-Muffins—you—
oh! you don't mean to insinuate that I-
I-I, oh! oh! oh! too much bliss—am the
lucky—"
" I don't mean to insinuate anything,
Mr. Howard:" aDd the angelic sweetness of her voice became somewhat metallic.
"Now, see here—Pris-Pris-cilla—oh!
let me call you by that melodious name.
See here! I always loved you; not for
your beauty, God knows, but for your
artlessness; 'pon my soul I did, and
would have proposed to you only I
heard you were engaged to the chap
that is stretched there."
" Oh! Mr. Howard!" said Mrs. Smith
that was to be, giving a little squeal.
"Don't Mr. Howard me. If you return my affection you must call me by
some,pet names. Call me Harry—call
me Lovey—but for Heaven's sake don't
Mr. Howard-me, my own Priscilla!"
said Howard, in a quavering voice.
Then I heard a movement of feet, accompanied by a loud lip explosion.
Moses! how mad I got! I tried to kick
or grate my teeth, but the devil a kick
or a grate could I raise. I was obliged
to grin and bear it. Bear it I had to;
but grin I couldn't.
Soon my • company left, and I was
again entertained by my own pleasant
thoughts, until I again felt the cloth
gently removed from my face. A soft,
warm palm was laid on my forehead,
and the low, sweet voice of Minnie
Rivers whispered—well, no matter what.
Night came—lo did the neighbors to
"bad,
companies for the damage done to their
rolling-stock; to improve the military,
telegraphic and postal services; to compensate German, ship-owners for losses
sustained during the war; to extend
the military topographical department;
to enlarge the artillery workshops at
Strasburg; to provide commemorative
medals, and to construct a building for
the Reichstag.—Pall Mall Gazette.
England's Mm War.
England has seldom engaged in a war
in which there was less glory, or in
which her people had less heart, than
that which seems to be about to close
in South Africa. Neither the Kaffirs of
early Cape struggles nor the redoubtable
Maoris of later New Zealand warfare
possessed fighting qualities comparable
to those which have been displayed by
the Zulus, and certainly neither were
attacked on pretexts so flimsy as those
which were the occasion of the long
campaign against Cetyway.o. Prom the
surprise at Isandula to the killing of
young Napoleon, the war in Zululand
has been prolific in incidents calculated
to shake British confidence both in the
capacity of the officers and the steadiness of the rank and file of the army.
Not even the enormous advances made
in the use of arms of precision could
compensate for the growing physical incapacity and the prevailing lack of
training among British soldiers. The
disasters in South Africa may help England to avert future disasters in a more
important struggle; but they have been
grave enough to obscure the luster of
any victory however brilliant, and to
make the concession of terms of peace
as much like a surrender as a triumph.
—New York Times.
"Well, no, not exactly; sorry to dis-
.nrjoinfc my friends about the funeral,
•that is-^ahemPs
Pooled out of the dimes, carriage and
greys, my gal, thought I, as I looked at
Priscilla.
" Go speak with him," said her' father,
in an undertone; "act your part well."
They now began to gather around
me and to congratulate me on my narrow escape. I noticed they cried a
great deal more than when I was dead.
Priscilla came and hung on my neck,
sniveling desperately. I gave her a not-
over-gentle push from me, and told her
to wait next time till I was safely buried
before she meddled with my clothes.
" Oh! I'm so glad!" she said, sweetly,
without appearing to notice what I said
about my clothes, "that you are not
dead, dear. My heart seemed withered
and broken to see you lying so cold and
white. I wept bitterly over your poor,
angelic face, my darling."
" Oh, yes, you did. I heard you and
Howard, take on at a furious rate. It
was a very lucky die for me, my ducky."
" Could you hear?" she gasped.
"I rather think I could," I replied.
"So good-by, my noble girl; you can
have the pleasure of calling Howard all
the pet names you can lay your tongue
to." She made a bee-line for the open
door, and her pull-back was the last I
ever saw of her. Howard never married her, and I hear she still lives a life
of single blessedness. As I am writing
this piece a quiet little figure steals to
my side, and a soft, white hand, which
sends a thrill of pleasure to my heart,
is laid lovingly on my shoulder; yes,
the hand of Minnie Rivers, now Minnie
Smith, my wife.
Schoolboy
The Lyon County (Nev.) Times,
writing of the ludicrous mistakes at a
recent school examination there,, says:
Although the replies indicated a reasonably-high degree of proficiency among
the scholars, some ludicrous mistakes
were made: •
A boy wa§ told to correct >the following sentence: "Milo began to lift the
ox when he was a calf " The reply was:
"Milo," when he was an ox, began to lift
the calf."
& little boy was asked: "What are
the principal minerals in Nevada?"
He replied, without the least hesitation:
"Gold, silver and trout"
To the question, "How would you go
from New Yorkcto San Praneisco by]
water? " a boy in the sanie department
srojiilcil pl«crr?6y, -crwS,-^th.tjh^utmpst
assurance: "Byboat!" ..-~.,.>-,
Another scholar in the same class being asked, "Why do we celebrate the
Fourth of July?" answered unhesitatingly: "Because three Presidents died
on that day."
A boy in the high school, having
been required to give the plural of two,
answered "Three!" and resumed his
seat with a self-satisfied air.
&. I^StM© Q'EIS THE KIVSK.
BX WEBSTEB T. BAIE.
They say there!s a land o'er the river,
Where pleasures forever abound;
That the voices of myriad angels
Sweetly throughout it resound.
They tell me this land is aU beauty;
That flowers forever bloom there;
That storm-clouds and darkness ne'er shadow
. This region so bright and so fair.
They tell me that sin never enters
This land that is holy and pure;
Ho death, nor sickness, nor sorrow-
Is there; of this they are sure.
The bright land they-tell toe is Heaven;
That Jesus forever is there
Interceding for me with the Father!
Oh, why should I longer despair?
Many dear ones have passed o'er the river,"
And inhabit this beautiful land;
They are singing the glad hallelujahs.
And beck'ning me on with their hand.
Oh heart 1 grow not weary ia waiting;
Be patient, and earth's trials standi
Soon Jesus shall send his bright angelo
To bear thee away to this. land.
Be watchful! and trust in Him ever;
Sometime He will give thee a^est
In this bright happy land o'er the river—
This beautiful land of the blest.
Pope Leo.
Pope Leo rises early, and, after his
devotions, gives himself up to study
until the hour set for audiences or assembling of the congregations over
which he presides. Although in delicate health, he works hard, and makes
his household do the same. Like the
majority of Italians of Southern Italy,
the Pope has only one regular repast a
day, at about 1 o'clock. He is an enemy
to the' delicacies of the table, and his
fare is much more meager than that of
many of his curates. He eats boiled
musn, which takes the place of soup, a
little boiled or roasted meat, rarely
vegetables, cheese made of goats' milk,
and drinks ordinary wine. Even on
the. day of his election to the papacy
he sent back the roast beef given to
him, and asked in its place a second
plate of soup.
Hovr Germany Has Spent the Preach
War Indemnity.
An account has been lately published'
of the way in which the indemnity paid
by Prance to Germany on the conclusion of the war of 1870-'71 has been
spent.' Altogether, including the war
contributions imposed upon Paris and
the departments occupied by the German troops, Germany has received from
Prance the sum of 5,254,000,000 francs,
or about £210,160,000. Of this sum
£91,748,543 were in the first instance
set aside for imperial purposes, and the
remainder was divided among the several states forming the empire, the old
North German Confederation receiving
£79,114,235; Bavaria, £13,468,819; Wur-
temberg, £4,248,304; Baden, £3,050,593;
and Hesse, £1,436,509. Of the £91,-
748,543 set aside for imperial purposes,
£28,033,849 have been appropriated to
form a pension fund; £10,800,000 to
strengthen, enlarge and add to the
number of the. fortified places of the
empire; £8,580,000 for the purchase and
construction of .railways in Alsace and
Lorraine, and £6,447,142 to improve the
fortresses in the two annexed provinces;
£6,000,000 have been placed in the imperial war treasury; £600,000 have been
awarded in grants for eminent services;
£242.740 have been spent in providing
a range on which to carry on artillery
experiments; £300,000 have been allotted to German subjects expelled from
Prance, while smaller sums have been
appropriated   to   recompense  railway
Textile Fabric
An account is given in the Prenoh
journals of a new and interesting invention, namely, a method of producing a
cloth, from glass, which has some special
advantages over the ordinary textiles,
that is, it is produced in all coloxs, and
of different strengths, and is also incombustible, this latter property rendering
it valuable for those who have to work
near a fire or flames. It is also adapted
for ladies' dresses, and for other purposes, in place of silk, and it is said to
be more glossy and lustrous, and is
moreover easily washed. It is stated to
have all the appearance characterizing
heavy silk, and is soft and elastic like
the latter. Its usefulness, however, must
of course depend in a great degree on
its durability.
Poisoned by Kevenue Stamps.
An ex-Mayor of Binghamton has been
poisoned in hands and face while handling the Government revenue stamps
used on cigar boxes. One hot Saturday
he stamped and canceled the stamps on
a large inumbei of boxes. Green dust
flew from the stamps and covered his
hands and wrists, and a handkerchief
used by him for wiping his face and
neck also became covered with the dust.
The'result was a severe and deep poisoning wherever the dust touched his
body.
Com Is King.
Last year the corn crop of the United
States was worth $583,000,000, while ex-
King Cotton gave us only $-250,000,000.
Indian corn is the sheet anchor of
American agriculture, and demands our
most careful consideration. What
would England give if she could only
raise Indian corn!
. PITH MB PCOTB,
Net profit—^"ish.
A tub race—-Washerwomen.
Obiginax. humor—Vaccine virus.
A bound trip—Palling oyer a marM©.
Did anyone ever hear thequeenswara
The stunmer  hotels 'shave Mg, bar
gains.
The soil'Mller guides the *SMp o£
State.
A dentist's . sign—Drawing, ■ mtEsiQ,
and dancing.
Wokmy fruit and tadpoles' tails esa
dropping off.
City bustle has been exchanged foE
country hustle.
The old toper has neither coat on Ms
hack nor on his stomach. ,
It is reptirted that Mount JStn© has
given up smoking.   This is lavable.
The removal of the duty on quinine
ought to diminish the number of
Shakers.
No, vouNG man,, lisle-thread ^gloves
are not legal tender for a lost bet with
a pretty girl.
The New fork dog pound is open fox
the summer, and the nomad dogs wqn't
-have a chance to go mad.
The Peruvians do not seem, to. 1*®
very good fighters; their bark is evidently worse than their bite.
The   PMladerphia Bulletin wait
i©5^^l>^*,|fe©^laia..why.Slshop Bfevem
"thanked G6d"ior'"th^'':MSdij^-'©.lM;3^f
teries.   We cannot gravely answer that
question.
A young lady "thinks it's better to
have the gas jet turned low of a Sunday
night when her beau's there. She wisely believes that one "flame" in the room
is enough'at a time.
A coeoneb's jury in Manchester, England, returned a verdict recently, to
the effect that a woman's death was
caused by using dye to ten her dark
hair yellow. This should teach us to
never say dye.— Chicago Commercial
Advertiser.
Shvly he bent o'er the dainty head,
And, •' Won't you; won't you?"
Be softly said.
Begging from the saucy miss
Just for the loan of one kiss.
The maiden tossed her pretty head
And, " No, I won't yon,"
She saucily said.
"How foolish he is 1' thought the little miss;
"He should not ask for, but steal, the Mss."
Extract from a French. Mayor's report about an accident to a mule: "The
aforesaid mule, on the way fromBange-
res to Z , while crossing a bridge,
timid by nature, made a slip and fell
into a ravine, whose death was instantaneous." This account is somewhat
mixed, but a little study will doubtless
straighten it out.
One of our exchanges says: The wife
of Mr, Nicholas Elberman fell on the
sidewalk and sprained her ankle, with
her baby in her arms, yesterday, 1 year
old, but the baby was not hurt much
except a bad scratch on the left cheek,
about an inch from the eye, which it
was lucky was not injured by the fell,
as the |site of the other eye was destroyed by a stick poked into it by its
brother several weeks since, 6 years old,
in play."
The following incident is related of
the venerable Dr. Nesbit, formerly President of Dickinson College: " It amazes
me that ministers don't write better
sermons; I am sick of the dull, prosy
affairs," said a lady in presence of Br.
Nesbit. " But it is no easy matter, my
good woman, to write sermons," • suggested the Doctor. " Yes," rejoined the
lady, " but you are so long about it. I
could, write one in half the time if I only
had a text." "Oh, if a text is all you
want," said Dr. Nesbit, " I will furnish
that. Take this one from Solomon:
'It is better to dwell in a comer of a
house-top than in a wide house with a
brawling"woman.'" " Do you mean me,
sir?" inquired the lady, quicky. "Oh,
my good woman," was the response,
" you will never make a sermonizer; you
are too soon in your applications.*'
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Mb. A. C. Ellixhokpe, of Chicago,
has invented a device by which fatalities from falling elevators promise to
cease. It is simply to make a couple
of feet at the bottom of the elevator
shaft an air cushion or spring which
breaks the jar of the fall. It was experimented with at the Chamber of
Commerce building in that city with
perfect success, immense weights being
let fall without a jar sufficient to break
an egg lying on the floor of the cab.
T WtfiifcJi»~mi.''iiiiiii'r      "''*"' „