1879-12-26; Clare County Press

              r t?
*•$*,
The Clare  County J?ress.
ISSUED EVERY 3TBIDAY AT
C®are, Clare County, Mich.,
| —BY—
ALVARO P. GOODENOUGH,
A&vertisingr "Rate*.
The following Table of Advertising Rates has
been carefully arranged according to a plan based
an space HHQUIHED and timh continued. Special
care is taken to set up and arrange advertisements
in a systematic manner, thus making them more
attractive than when jumbled together.
  TABLE OF ADVERTISING   KATES,
i wk 2 wk 4 wk s mos 3 mos 6 mos 1 yr
x inch $i.oo 1.50 2.50 3.5° 4-5° 6.5° 10.00
r. in       1,50     2,25     3.75     5.25     7.00   1.000   15.0a
3 in       2.00     3.00     s,00     7.00     9.00   13,00   20.0c-
4 in 2.50 3.75 6.25 8,75 11,25 tfi.oo "5.°°
% col 3.00 4.50 7.50 10.50 13.50 19.50 30.00
Ji col 6.00 9.00 14.00 20.00 25,00 35,00 50,00"
1   col 10.00   15.00   20.00   30.co   35.00   50.00   80.00
Business Cards, 3 lines $$ per year; each additional line, jSi,
Lbgai. Notices—Rates prescribed by law.3
Local Notices—tocts. per line each insertion.
All Advertising payable quarterly in Advance,
BUSINESS CABDS.
E. D. AVHEATON. 0. "W. PERKY
WHEATON & PERRY,
LAWYERS,
CLABE,       -       -       MICH.
All businass intrusted with them will receiv
prompt attention. Collections made and Real Ee
tateboughtand sold. Office Maynard Block,Main St
WM. H. ELDEN, Jeweler and
dealer in Wall Paper, Books and Stationery, Sewing Machine Fixtures, etc, Clake.
rVEO. "W. JEPFEBIES, Judge of
KDT Pkodate and Justice or the Peace, Clare.
Specs! attention given to making collections. Of-
cc ox Main Street.
it
t
Q.E0. J. CUMMINS,
Attorney-at-Laio and /Solicitor,
Gourt House Building, Farwell, Mich.
O.
C. CASTEBLIN,
Attorney-and-Counselor-at-Law, and
Counselor & Solicitor in Chancery,   ,
Court House Building, Farwell, Mich.
*V
HC. DODGE, Justice of the
• Peace and Rotary Ptelic, Vernon, has
Good Farming- Lands for Sale
Cheap.   Titles Perfect,
Terms Easy.
H. 0. Dodge, Prwell, Mioh.
■Q H. SUTHEBLAND,
Notary Public & Insurance Agt.
-4^,. -*•**  Won&y-t<x **e*a*
I:
"»'".'- ■■■■•'i.it™*.
©I* I*SM*R.OV*e*0 REAL  KSTATE
Court Home Building, Farwell.
^y^S. COOLEY,
DEALER IN
Harness, Whips, Robes, & Blankets.
The best assortment of Trunks and Traveling
bags in town, and prices the lowest.
THB BEST OF MATERIAL USED.
All work  warranted.   Repairing done   promptly
I will sell cheaper than can he bought elsewhere in Saginaw Valley.
"0 UBEN SMITH,
XOTARY PUBLIC.
Beal Estate and Insurance Agent.
MARK, MICH.
Particular attention paid to looking land, estimat
ing pine timber, adjusting trespsasses and paying
taxes for non residents.
Manhattan Fire Insurance Company of New York
Strong and sound, with low rates.
lyr B. JEFFEBIES,
DRALBR IN
FRESH & SALT MEAT,
Fresh and Cured Fish,
Fine Groceries and General
Farm Produce.
Cheapest T E A in Town !
Cash paid for hides.
MAIN STREET, CLABE.
THB TAU3 OB" A TUKKEy.
A. Tougli Story.
turkey for my Christmas least I started out to
buy—
The best one in the market to obtain I meant- to
try;
Thought I, It shall ndt be my fault If In the town
there bo
A better turkey than tho one tbat shall bo brought
to me.
I at a corner stopped as up the street I took my
way,
Where on  a stand  there, Improvised, a  Binglo
turltoy lay.
My look of Inquiry at onco tho watchful dealer
caught,
And, coming forth, a oustomer to make of me be
sought.
" Come, lot me sell you that," said he, with smiles
upon bin face;
" A better one I know you cannot find in all the
place;
Of all the stook of turkeys that I brought to town
with me,
purchasers have found for all except the ono you
see.
Aud, If I oan dispose of it, this one the fiftieth
makes—
They took so with tho people that they went off
like hot cakes; •
And it is not three hours quito since my sales'began.
Would you believe it, sir? I sold four turkeys to
one man.
" Now, as I really do not care that single one to
keep,
And, wishing soon to start for home, I'll nell   t to
you cheap."
Quite taken with the man's address, I credulously
heard
All that ho said to me about that solitary bird.
The turkey was a large ono, and in truth looked
plump enough;
Moreover, how was I  know that all he sal.l was
stuff?
So, laying down the needful stamps, I brought my
fowl away—
Truly a foul transaction was the one that marked
tbat day.
How littlo thought I, as toward my  domicile I
strolled,
Tbat not alone the turkey but its purchaser was
sold,
And that tho smiling man, whose  face  seemed
stamped with honesty,
Was an outrageous swindler, and had mado a goose
of mo!
But to resume my narrative:   I took  the turkey
home,
And to my Christmas-dinner I invited friends to
come;
Requested of my kitchen maids to have it nicely
done,
And to prepare it so tbat it should be excelled by
none.
On Christmas day my friends and I assembled at
my board,
Wbich teemed with all tho luxuries the market
conld afford;
The dishes, filled with delicacies, made a grand
array—
To crown the pleasing picture, in tho midst tho
turkey lay.
It -would haye done yon good conld It have been
your lot to seo
The pleasurable visages of that gay company;
Each smacked Tils lipB.^line/ij^ieeUUota^iiJ^oA.
....L.v.«Ti*-*«M-i^r«'*i*^ j."   -,-irff
, j A pious friend then present even said ior ns a
grace.
HOTELS, LIVERIES, &C.
w
'EW   FURNITURE,   NEWLY
Befitted, JYew Proprietor.
ST. JAMES HOTEL,
V. K. BROWN, Prop.,
MOUNT PLEASANT,   MICH.
First Class Accommodations.   Good Sample Rooms
lor Agents. Good Barn.
I To say a grace o'er such a fowl was a disgrace and
fiktime;
True, it was Innocently done—our friend was not
to blame.
Could he have known it was a fraud, as afterward
be knew.
Ho would not have allowed himself so mesh a thing
to do.
I- Well, then, "the brother," in good faith, compiled
1 with my request-
Over that bird he Baid a grace with fervor and with
j zest;
I And it was rendered gracefully, and nicely worded,
too,
And, much impressed, we all "gave oar" uutil he
had got through.
Now, all things being ready, with my gleaming
knife in band,
To carve the turkey, at tho table's head I took my
stand;
That it was somewhat bard to cut misgivingB might
havo caused,
But, thinking that tho knife was dull, I helped my
guests and paused.
Then to the eating of his share did each himself
address.
But in a trice the wholo of thom showed signs of
dire distress;
They could not with that meat between thom bring
their jaws together,
For oh I that bird was not a whit more tender than
whit-leather.
Oh I what a wretched sight was tbat to seo them
crunch away,
Whilo each one at his neighbor glared with looks
of wild dismay 1
They found that fowl for toughness by nothing
tongh excelled,
And, as they could notchewit, to eschew Itwerc compelled.
The faces of the company reflected their chagrin.
And I—ah 1 who Bhall paint the tribulation I was
tny—
stood as though fo marblo turned, not knowing
A'hat to do,
Wishing the floor would open wide and let me
tumble through.
There was no holping it, and I had but ono course
to take—
Au awkward explanation I was thero compelled to
make;
And then, to make the best of an extremely bad
affair,
I took my friends to a saloon and ordored turkey
there.
A sumptuous Christmas feast was Boon upon that
table seen;
All hands enjoyed it—champagno flowed—all was
again serene;
And each one made a vow that, should ho o'er that
dealer see,
He'd put ahead upon tho man that got ahead of me.
HARWELL BILLIARE HALL,
FARWELL, MICH.
FINEST~~CIGARS,
Pure Wines, Liquors, Ales, Beer, Porter, Cider, Etc.
Those desiring a pure article are invited to oall.
* HENRY  NEWTON.
LAURETTE.
•SUMMERS & NEWTON,
Proprietors ofthe
FARWELL   LIVERY.
HORSES & CARRIAGES
TO LET.
Parties conveyed everywhere in this
section and vicinity.
^BSS-Terms reasonable.
TFAGLE HOTEL,
Coral, Montcalm Co., Mich.
A. FRED GOODENOUGH, Prop.
A Temperance Xlonae.
This Is a new house, neatly furnished, convenient
to the trains, with good accommodations at reason-
able prices.
HSOOSB MVER-E' A1TTACHED.
Yes, it was a marriage " for love;"
there was 110 denying that.
Many a wealthier, wiser, prettier and
more prudent girl would have been glad
to have the Bev. Beranger Haslem—in
his own congregation, too—but he must
needs pick np this strange wilding from
some outlandish place, and set at the
head of his influential city church, as
"pastor's wife;" and, peeing that she
had no money, family nor expectations,
what else could, he have chosen her for
but blind, stupid love ?
And yet, but four months after the
" coming home," behold Laurette in her
husband's study, where sho sits with
corrugated brow before his half-written
sermon, not crouching lovingly on the
foot-stool beside him, with her dainty
toy work in her lap, as the normal run
of idyls would have it, but standing before him, the table between them, passionate tears in her eyes, reproach, despair on her countenance, her hands
clasped in a frenzy of woe!
" Why did you ever bring me here?"
she shudders out in tragic, breathless
gasps; "not because you loved me.
Ah, no, Beranger, never that!   Don't
seek to comfort me by your cold assurances.   I know better now!"
"My dearl my dear!" expostulates
Mr. Haslem, gently, but in rather a discouraged tone, as jf he was finding his
better-half a bit of a.handful to manage.
Mr. Haslein ia a great'man; his heart
is in his work, and Jus true desire is to
do his duty in the sphere in whioh God
haa placed him; but if he had not also
placed his heart, in the keeping of this
restless, eager girl, he would never have
taken her to be the companion of his
life; consequently these wild words fall
almost like an outrage on his ears,
though he assures himself she can surely never mean them, nor do him such
injustice.
" Yes, yes, I know that I only trouble
you!" cries Laurette, the burning teats
beginning to fall over lier scorching
cheeks—" that I have no place here but
to cause anxiety—that but for me you
would be a happier and more successful
man. I know all that 80 well I am no
comfort to you, no advantage in your
work, and I have come to "
"Laurette," interrupts ,he, wildly;
" have I ever said anything like this to
you!"
" Oh, no, no! You are too patient
and good, but I know—I know you
never would have chosen me, Beranger, but that you took pity on my great
love for you, which I, poor fool! could
not hide I"
" Why will you torture yourself thus,
dear? Do yon find me unkind or
neglectful to you, that you should fancy such things?"
"No, too kind; too considerate!"
murmurs the young wife, wringing her
hot hands; " too uncomplaining for it
to be real. Don't I know what your
wife should be? Why didn't you marry a wise, useful young lady, whose
poor, foolish heart would not torment
you with so much lovo and yearning?
You don't need any worship—it is only
extravagance to you I"
" I thought I wanted it, Laurette, or
I would not have asked you for it,"
sighs Mr. Haslem, feeling words to be
idle, while she will twist them so
strangely.
"But you know better now,"gasps
Laurette, with a hysterical laugh,
"and so do I, to my despair, Oh,
Beranger, never think that I blaniecl
youl". .        , -a  ■ /_  ■ ... '.t'-f^'J-
She stands a mouient, whitening to
i^^mmfi0mmwmm flu.;.
if slfe longed, even yet to cast herself
at his feet, and implore his tenderness
or forgiveness, but his eyes are on
his unfinished sermon, longingly as it
seems, and she turns away and creeps
softly from the room as if crushed.
" My darling," begins the young husband, looking up, and then he discovers
that he is alone.
" After all," he muses, " it is better
to leave her to come to reason herself—
she always does—and then lean tell her,
perhaps, more strongly than I have ever
done, how deep and strong my love is
for her. Poor little Laurette, I wonder
why she doubts me ? "
But it is Saturday evening, and his
sermon must be finished, so he puts
away domestic perplexities with an effort, and plunges into theology.
With all his excellencies—and he is
truly an affectionate, ever-thoughtful
husband—Mr. Haslem does not altogether understand the way to treat his
Laurette.
She is passionately loving, impulsive,
diffident, and full of nervous, generous,
impossible fancies; he, calm, strong,
well-balanced, earnest in affection, inflexible in duty.
She is stung to frenzy by some words
which malice has poured into her ears,
burdened with thoughts and cares, and
hours of pain, whose meanings she dare
not understand, but which drive her
fevered, craving heart the closer to him;
and he, all unconsoions of the teeming,
surging fancies, all unknowing of those
sorrowful, heavy hours, wonders at the
inequality of her spirits, and her many
exactions, while lie loves her none the
less nor neglects Jiis duties a whit the
more. ,
You might call them, at this stage of
the Idyl, Snow -md Pire, and wonder
little at the sequel.
It was close ch Sunday morning when
the pastor put away his work and
thought of rest! Never mind, it was a
good sermon, jnnd before leaving his
study he prayc-1 humbly that it might
be blessed tolsome among his flock,
perhaps even *f> his own ewe lamb.
Laurette ha| not yet retired. Foolish girl, she njist be sitting alone down
stairs waitingior him.
The gas wri not lit in the parlor, but
at the sound *ff his steps in the hall the
housekeeper,*^ elderly woman with a
peculiarly cap- eye, came up from the
kitchen regifti, a note in her hand.
"Mis' Sas^m has gone out, sir, and she
told me notfo disturb you on no ac-
coant till yni would come down, and to
give you th""* note. I expect, sir," said
the womarijjdemurely smoothing down
her apron j wli her stealthy eye
watched hii master's face, "she's gone
to spend tfe evening at some of them
friends of tters, and wants you to go for
her. It'si rainy night for you to go
out after jfbur work, sir, but—he I he 1—
you'll nofget the comfort with a young
wife thatfou had when you was your
own maefr!"
But IVr. Haslem was deaf to |old
Mortha'ejvords of wisdom.
He hd torn open the note, and read
what ttfped him cold and blind'as
stone.  i|
This iom his own little wife I
I am j&ing away—out of your life forever,
Berango*."! I have thought it all over, and it is
I beat.   A'fer a while marry again, for I shall bo
■ettj't make Biioh another mistake.
•Jfett should have takenlrat for me.
I never blamed you I
IiAUltKTTE.   '
,    .-* * * * *
,'IiorcL is your sun and shield,
f*|riU "wfttch oyer her you mourn,
*eiiei-ve her from harm," said
.-Br" ^Craytop, when, a week
bent oyer his young pastor's
Iheld his burning hand in
d perhaps this will be blessed
ard child, and ordered for
your more lasting happiness,
[■quieted; nothing is suspected
iong the people, and we must
. _ ( ■ name spotless. They think
yoa-wWtjlier to her home to see some
3i(?«l*fW»tiye, and I will explain hor con-
" ""' ^tbience.*
wise friend stood between the
jninister and the cruel darts of
.'--'•told all inquirers that Mrs.
».liad been "sent, by the Lord to
fulflffiSt-niission elsewhere," and, mean-
.yhi^jwrayed hax& for good to come out
of tiStiJf rent evil.
BU,t*suc months passed away, and
Berntfge;r Haslem was still desolate. .
Jti^w vaguely reported that Mrs.
Had-|gL was nursing some dying relative, j^erhaps with a cloud over his or
her awne, hence the pastor's reticence
and jwclness. The truth was never once
B*as*pJ|}tedj ivnd, be it said to poor Lau-
rette^cr'edit, none, oven the most slan-
dero% dreamed of associating wrong
with;l|er."     •* ,
She-months, and Christmas ove. Mr.
Hasl*?ja is once more in his study,
waring at his Ohristmas sermon, with
care'-, and weary sadness in his pale
face-rH*. heart fighting for truth amid
uracil despair within.
The room had not that bright, dainty
air it wore six months ago, though old
Martha prided herself on taking the
best of core of " her ministor." The
fire bnrned dimly, half-smothered in
ashes; the books were piled anyhow;
tho little sewing-chair -waited on the
hearth—waited still!
On tks night the Child of the world
was bom—the Holy Babe who was to
bring such joy.
Suddenly the door was opened wide,
bnt siljtofclyj.and Laurette stood there,
tho snfiir. oa bej- poor garments, a great,
light growing, on her white
ritt'jwr aniatwtdhtA'agt**!
nibr-«at        """    " __
*
WTfftt a phantom ?
H<i"|prang up, scattering books and
manuscript, and faced her, trembling
and wondering—afraid that she might
vanish away.
"Beranger!" breathed Laurette, timidly, "I've brought yon a Ohristmas
gift—-our child!"
"My God!" ejaculated Mr. Haslem;
"is this possible?"
He put his arm around them, and,
scarce conscious, drew them to the fireside, placed her in the vacant ohair, fell
on his knees before her, and, trembling
exceedingly, pressed them both to his
heart.
" Oh Lord, Thou hast been kind and
pitiful!" he gasped.
"Are you glad?" whispered the lost
Lugrette, between quivering heartbeats; or shall I leave him with you, and
go away and leave you in peace?"
He tightened his embrace, and
moaned as he kissed her.
" Still doubting, my darling—my darling? Oh, how could you desert me so?
Am I so poor a husband to you as
that?"
"Oh, tell me to stay! Let me hear
you bid me welcome!" rang out the
young voice, with its old, passionate,
yearning cadence.
" God witness between us that my
heart is entirely set upon you," cried
Beranger, solemnly; "and that I have
known no moment of happiness since I
lost you. I never loved another—never
desired other woman than you; and
though I might have seemed cold in my
manner, darling—I always loved you
first and best, and deepest of all earthly
gifts to me 1"
" How good—how good God has been
to send me back to you!" wept Laurette, winding her arms about him she
had so mistrusted. " I didn't taink it
possible you would forgive and take me
home; I thought you would be stern
and hard, as good men often ore to the
weak and wicked."
"Why did you go, dearest?" whispered Beranger, fondly.
"I'm not going to—yes, I'll never conceal any trouble from you again," said
the young wife, determinately; "and
this was what turned me wild altogether. Old Martha never liked my coming
here, and always was telling me what
changed times you had—how none of
your friends would come to the house
because they weren't pleased with your
choice, and how unhappy you seemed
to be; and at last she told me there was
a young lady you had been engaged to,
a good, pious, energetic worker in the
church, that the congregation would
have been delighted with—Miss Vanson,
you know -and, ahl me, when I compared my useless self to her, and remembered how my lovo must have
made you take me out of pity, I couldn't
—couldn't stay to be a burden "
"Hush, my beloved wife; don't cry on
this happy, white night of our lives!
That was all false, and Martha shall find
a place elsewhere. Now, tell us about
this little fellow."
They both pored over the soft waxen
faco of the sleeping infant, joy in the
mother's and in the father's eyes.
"He came three weeks ago," murmured Laurette, blushing happily, "and
it was to give him to you I lived and
worked so hard. He kept me from despair and wrong many a dark day, and
so, as soon as I could travel, we came."
, "Our little boy," breathed-the pastor,
softly kissing him, and then, with tender, but most grieving reproach,- he
cried: "Oh, how could you leave me,
and battle through it alone—and I never knew?"
So that was how Laurette came back
to Beranger Haslem.
The Cultivation of the Oyster.
Prom an illustrated article by Mrs.
S. B, Herrick, in Scribner's Monthly.
descriptive of the unique methods
pursued in " The Johns Hopkins University" of Baltimore, we quote the
following extract from the forthcoming
report of the Summer School of Biology connected with the institution:
" The investigations regarding the
development of the oyster have led to
the important and unexpected conclusion that the breeding habits of the
American oysters are so different from
those of the oysters of Europe that the
methods of artificial oyster propagation
which have been carried on to such
perfection in France and elsewhere
must in this country be replaced or
supplemented by others. The eggs of
the European oyster are fertilized and
hatched within the shell of the parent,
and are retained there until the young
are ready to attach themselves. The
most critical period in tho life of the
young is the time when they are discharged from the parent shell to swim
in the water until they find a place to
settle down for lifo. The adult oysters
are accordingly placed, at the breeding
season, in inlets or basins, among tiles
which are prepared to furnish a surface
for the attachment of the young as soon
as they escape from the shell of the
parent.
" The eggs of the American oyster
are discharged into the water before
they are fertilized, and, as fertilization
in the open sea is a matter of chance,
this is the period of greatest mortality.
The experiments of the last summer
have shown that the eggs can be artificially fertilized in the laboratory, in a
small quantity of water, and the great-
eat danger to the young can thus be
escaped. Since the young^ American
oyster swims at large in tho open sea
daria&the fontf'which .ihe oysters of
tW «keil <*f the
seem to be imprachcabie7for,tlie''''ticIea''
and currents might carry the young
twenty miles or more from the tiles before they were old enough to attach
themselves. The proper -method in
this country seems to be the placing of
great numbers of artificially-fertilized
eggs in those waters which are shown
by the presenco of natural oy3ter-tanks
to be favorable to the growth of tho
animals. While the French method
may be pursued to the advantage of
the cultivator, and may therefore be left
to individual enterprise, the proposed
method would be for the benefit of the
whole community, and seems to be a
proper field for aotion by the State."
What He Mistook for a Dog.
A young man who had recently ar
rived from the East was engaged at the
United States fishing establishment on
McCloud river. One day last week he
took a towboat and pulled up the river
a short distance, crossed to the opposite
side, and prepared to go ashore. Just
as he was stepping out of the boat, the
young man looked up on the bank over
his head and saw what he thought was
a large mastiff dog. "Some of those
Indians have stolen him," he thought
to himself, "and I will take him home
with me." Climbing the trail with difficulty, he was soon face to face with
his mastiff. He whistled, and snapped
his thumb and fingers coaxingly, but,
instead of taking his advances kindly,
the animal uttered a low growl, and, oscillating his tail from side to side, prepared to go for that young man. The
latter, now terribly alarmed, started for
his boat, tumbling headlong down the
hill, and just managed to get into his
craft and push it into the stream as an
immense specimen of the California
lion landed upon the shore. Of course,
the lion would not take to the water,
so the young man was safe; but he says
he shall be careful how he makes overtures to strange dogs in a strange country after this. He was entirely unarmed at the time, and, after he got into his boat, heard the growls of another
in the bush, showing that there was j
evidently a pair of the "creatures."
Portland Oregonian.
PABEWBLL.
BY E. L. M, B.
Farewell! farewell I
As yon toned bell
Kings out its cadence,
Day by day and years hence,
Imagine 'tis my voice.
Wilt thou then rejoice?
Farewell, my love I
Tale white stars above
Have not been mora true
Have not been to you
As I have been.   Farewell,
Forever fare theo well I
Farewell, and when too late
I know that jour heart will wake
To a realization sad—
Sad as the flight of time.   Had
I not loved thee so well
I would and could not tell
Thee of my priceless boon.
1 swear to thee by yon pale moon
That I love thee.   Hear me swear
By all the sacred tios.   Wear
I not thy rinp of trust?
It proveB an iron and will rust!
Farewell( farewell!
And in years I shall not tell
Aught of all I Buffered.   Gone
All the sweetness of the song
Of love,   Twas sung by you
Oh 1 so tender, sweet and true.
Whito buds breathe and blow.
'Tis the summer, and you know
That day of days, when yon,
With thine eyes of azure blue,
Kissed my lips with zest.
Oh, what bliss! what rostl
Milwaukee, Wis.
PITH AND POINT.
Preservative of the Dead.
The United States Consul General at
Berlin, Mr. Kreismann, has communicated to the Department of State a new
process paten ted in Germany for preservation of the dead. The liquid used is
prepared as follows: In 3,000 grammes
of boiling water are dissolved 100
grammes of alum, 25 grammes of cooking salt, 12 grammes of saltpeter, 60
grammes of potash, and 10 grammes of
arsenic acid. When cool it is filtered,
To 10 liters of this liquid & liters of
glycerine and 1 liter of methylic alcohol are added. The process of embalming is by saturating and impregnating
the bodies with it. Prom 1-J to 5 liters
of the liquid are used for a body.
Pbenoh history in the past hundred
years exhibits three women who have
perhaps experienced more splendor and
more bitter grief and mortification than
any other three women in the world—
Marie Antoinette, Josephine, and
Eugenie.
The astronomer's business is looking
up.
People of no account never run in
debt.
The employes of a distillery call their
wages "Excelsior," because they are
still hire.
O utside speculators are called "lambs"
in Wall street—because they gambol bo,
probably.
• Paie rates are not always moderate
prices; at least the patrons of fanoy
fairs say so.
Oable telegrams the first of the week
say, "A rupture in the Cortes imminent."
Is this news trussed worthy? ,
There was a reunion of the "Old
Greys"  in  Eochester,  N.  Y., lately. .'.
Nebuchadnezzar,   the    original   "Old
graze," was not present.
The girls of a Toronto corset-factory
haye struck • against a reduction of
wages; they say there is nothing to cor-
jwt, *nd wiE hjGfk *»^£*ffhil<?. .».
proper, when a defaulting clerk fails to
keep his accounts straight, than to send
him to the house of correction.
A little Waterloo Sunday-school
miss was asked by her teacher, "What
must people do in order to go to heaven?" "Die, I suppose," replied the little one. Tho teacher did not question
her any further.
" Who," said a member of the Canadian House of Commons to the members who were trying by interruptions
to choke him off, " who brayed here ?"
" It was an echo," retorted a member,
amid a yell of delight.
After spending three mortal hours
in getting to windward and crawling
carefully toward two supposed big buffaloes, a Western hunter found his supposed game to be a St. Louis girl taking
a walk on the prairie with her ear-muffs
on.
Young men should always beware of
the following paragraph, which was
started by a Philadelphia paper, and
is now going the rounds. The chances -
are that the man who wrote it is tied to
a woman with a hand like a Japanese
fan, and a voice that would make a buzz-
saw pause in astonishment. It reads:
" Marriage is a safe way to gamble; if
you win, you win a pile, and if you lose,
you don't lose anything."
BEMINISOENCES OF StJMMEE.
I'm sitting on the stilo, Mary;
I sob, and smile, and sneeze;
'Twill only be a while, Mary,
I think, until I freeze;
The Ulster eoat I used to wear
Has vanished liko a dream;
We ate it up, I do declare,
In chocolate ice-cream.
—Burdetle.
AN ODE TO COMFORT.
Thou thing of ruddy, rosy redness, hail,
With all thy prickly furzo to irritate.
For thou dost laugh defiance at the gale
That fain would Bhake
And with its bluster quake
Our corporosities well girt
By thy delights that militate
'Gainst every ill. O flannel nndershirtl
We choose thee red afore we do thee white—
Not that the red is warmer or more fair—
Not that the red is comelier to tho sight—
But, spitj of dust
And coal and smoke and must,
The red defies appearance of dirt;
So then we choose thee rtd, and wear
i Thee next our hearts, O goodly undershirt!
I —St. Louis Times.
Occasionally you will meet a young
man who gets on the train somewhere
in Ohio, and when some fellow passenger asks him how far he is going, he
will say, "Omaha!" in the tone of a
brakeman calling a station, and then
look up and down the car to observe the
amazement and awe of tho other passengers, and you will notice that he
looks a little bit disappointed because
they do not take off their hats and ask
to shake hands with him and want to
know where he comes from and all
about Mm. But by-and-by when he
learns, from casual remarks dropped
carelessly now and then, that the man
behind him is going to San Proncisco,
and the one in front of him is going to
Japan, and the old fellow on the other
side of the aisle is just returning from
St. Petersburg, the young man drops
his voice to a husky whisper, shrinks
down into his duster so that no one can
see him, and tells the next man who
asks him about it that he is only going
out here a little ways.—Burlington
Hwwk-Eye.
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